backagain

I wonder how many that post here are half-lit... I for one am... The only thing that brought up enough courage... You see, I am better when drunk... I feel and express things much easier. When sober (which is daily for work), I am a zombie (without feelings) - I don't think I can get better... I think I have decided to end it all... i went 13 days (f... I didn't even make it a full two weeks)...
The funny part is that things in my professional life could'nt be better: but yet, I look forward to driving home every night so that I can get slosthed... I am tired of worrying about what people will think _ I don't have to apologize for being alive...............
SO, these are my drunk ramblings... I am waiting for an answers _ one that never came - sorry to impose, but I want answers and I'm not that apt at being human...

backagain

why is humble so hard for me? I know (perhaps it means "weakness"?) f--- people _ have had enough!!! I should really talk to someone... I'm scaring myself and been through that AA sh@@ and they were sicker than me... No offense... But they were in my humble opinion...

suki44883

Well, you're not really "better" when you are drunk, you just lose your inhibitions. Lots of us thought we were so much more fun to be around and intelligent when we were half lit, but the truth is, we were probably more of a pain in the azz.

There are ways to improve your self-confidence when you are sober. Is it really worth it to pickle your liver and bring on all the health problems related to drinking, just so you're not shy around people?

Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here if you want to quit drinking and learn how to have a great life without alcohol. Hope you'll stick around and do a lot of reading and posting. We're here to support you.

MsCooterBrown

"When sober (which is daily for work), I am a zombie (without feelings) "

I am thinkin...I was a zombie at work because I was either deathly hungover and in some cases..still drunk from the night before.

It took me a long time to pull out of the cycle..but now that I did..no more zombie at home or work. What made me finally want sobriety was a series of illness and death from people that never pulled out of the cycle.

Dee74

Hi backagain

I didn't know how I'd ever live sober either - drinking was more than just something I did - it was a part of my being. I'd drank for so long thee was nothing I hadn't done drunk....

But it was killing me - not just in my soul but literally too. So I stopped.

It took a lot of work and effort - but the people here really helped...I've gone from being an all day everyday drinker for 5 years or so to someone I can be proud of again.

I love life, I like who I am and I'm happy - for the first time in my adult life.

If you want that too - you can have it - it's not beyond any of us.
I hope you'll stick around & come back later.

If you really are seriously thinking about self harm, at least please read and take note of the links here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

artsoul

Hi backagain - I understand that you feel hopeless right now and I know it's hard to ask for help. I was into my 4th or 5th drink before I got up the nerve to post here too, and really didn't think I could quit (I had been through it all before).

I just wanted to mention the fact that alcohol will take over our emotions and create havoc with them: anxiety, depression, anger (and suicidal thoughts) are some of the results of heavy/long-term drinking. Somewhere underneath all that **** is the sane person you really are. Don't give up on yourself.

A lot of people here have been where you are. I hope you make use of the link that Dee posted. Keep posting and reading too. Prayers going out to you.....:ghug3

stanleyhouse

I found SR when I was 9mo sober. I didn't have the communication skills or confidence to participate in any exchange while I was drinking. I am grateful everyday for the person I am because I participate in my own recovery.
SH

LaFemme

I suspect a good number of people post here after a couple of drinks...some admit it some don't so you are not alone. Right now you probably are better when you have alcohol in your system but that is probably because you are never 100% sober.

I thought sobriety was impossible for me and I was waiting to die...by some miracle I got sober and found SR and that has made all the difference.

April999

Don't worry about not making it 2 weeks. Give it another try, you might surprise yourself!

ISPYSOBRIETY

Sometimes it takes taking drinking too far. A DUI can be that point. Was for me. Still, I know the outcome could have been worse. I could have killed somone driving... perhaps my teenaged loves of my life that were in my car when I ran off the road and it rolled a few times. But we were all fine and no other car was involved. I do not know what I would have done if the good Lord took one, or both of my loving children.

I didn't plan on doing that. After being released from the hospital, I spent the night at my brothers place, then he brought me home. I slept a little more and when I woke I dropped to my knees and thanked God that I did not wake a reality without one of my babies.

As I said, it wasn't planned. It was an accident. One that taught me that I'm NOT a better person drunk. From that day on, alcohol was out of my life forever.

I hope you never run into an unplanned event.

Stick around, soak in the possibility that you might just want to try again. When the time is right, go for it. There will always be alcoholics here recovering. Good luck.

Supercrew

Funny thing was when I quit, my professional life couldn't have been much better in my mind either, I was doing stuff on autopilot. But that made me think that anytime I could lose it all if I slipped up with a DUI driving home from work, or if someone accidently hit me while I was drunk, cause I would still take the hit for the DUI. or if I screwed up and got found out on the job.

One I can say though, I always felt strong enough about SR and how it helped me that I could never come here and post "half lit". In fact when I relapsed I knew I was coming back here, but I wasn't gonna do it drunk. Sort of funny that I had no problem driving drunk, going to work and seeing customers drunk, hell I even facebook drunk, but I could even pull up this site...it would have made me sick about what I was doing to myself. Truthfully Backagain, you are always better sober even if you don't believe it now.

jude70

I thought about your post most of the night and woke up thinking of you this morning. I have only been here for 5 days and didn’t think I should write because of that but I decided I would any way. This morning when I was walking to my office I passed a few homeless people on the street. All had their drinks in hand to start their day. What dawned on me is these people may never be able to lift themselves out of their addiction but we, the still functional alcoholics, have that opportunity before all falls apart. And I think we are blessed that we are still able to do this. I too thought that I would never be able to start to bring myself out of my horrible situation but this week I have begun that process and I hope that I will be able to continue on this new path. I wanted to let you know that last month I felt so hopeless and never thought that my depression and sadness would go away but this week it is starting to. Twice last month, when I was so drunk, I prayed to God to please let me die that night of a heart attack in my sleep. This way I would be out of my misery and my wife and kids would be better off. I am now thankful that my prayers were not answered. Please keep trying and don’t ever think that any of this is worth ending it all because one day you will find the true strength to pull yourself up. It has taken me almost 20 years. I hope that our journeys will show both of us happier times and better lives. You never know what the future holds for you even if it is dark now. I will keep you in my prayers.

Jude

ReadyAndAble

Lot of wisdom in the posts above, backagain. As for your professional life being great, you're better when drunk, you're a zombie when sober, you don't want to apologize for being alive, etc., I agree those were drunk ramblings -- but not the way you mean it.

I think that's the addicted part of your brain talking, trying to rationalize the addiction. It wants to you to drink, and it will say anything to get you to do it. But there's another part of you that doesn't want to drink, otherwise why would you even be here? I think that's the real you, the person you were before you ever had your first drink.

Maybe I'm wrong; just basing this on my own experience. But I know this: A sober life is a better life, period. It's more fun, it's more rich, and it's way healthier. Go to any forum on this site and you'll find the living proof of that. I hope you don't give in to the voice that's telling you to throw it all away...

endzoner

remember what we talked about last nite?,, well help yourself was one lil part .. come on back.. you can do it .....

childofnite

I first began reading here when I was drinking - no, I was completely plastered. It really helped me to read read read about others' experiences - I was able to come to terms with my alcoholism and I quit that day, instead of putting it off like I had so many times before.

Generally, I find it to be in poor taste to post on SR while drunk - kinda like walking into an AA meeting three sheets to the wind - it's disrespectful of the others who are newbies and susceptible to triggers. At least there is more anonymity when you are online, but I would say that for the sake of newer posters and people whose addictions are creeping in and are just *looking* for a reason to jump off the wagon (no such thing as falling, IMO) a drunk poster may get that into their minds and they might not be able to stop obsessing over it.

So, generally I would say that if a member is drunk, they shouldn't post, just absorb all SR has to offer.

**If you are feeling suicidal however - and it's not just your addiction speaking, all bets are off. Post away, someone should be able to talk you down.**

Please let us know you are alright.

bananagrrrl

I drank to create a barrior of which I am still not certain what it is. I am dealing with it through AA and a counselor.

But yes, I posted many a time in the bag here. Luckily this is a safe place and people care. The moderators are great and always step in to offer advice.

Dee74

SR is for anybody struggling IMO - thats the whole purpose of a place like this.

I think we'd miss a lot, and be a poorer board for it, if the only people posting were sober....there'd be a lot of backslapping - but not much else.

There are sites like that out there if you feel drunk people threaten your sobriety. I think we have a safe place here.

There are some members here, friends of mine, who *were* homeless and they've turned their lives around. They inspire me.

I still remember what it was like to be drinking and wanting desperately to stop - I wish I'd found SR earlier, frankly.

I don't find posts from people who are still drinking and seeking help to stop disrespectful at all....it's why I'm here.

D