No-one agrees I'm an alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Tomsson Welcome. Man, I can totally relate to where you are. Really nobody in my family thought I was an alcoholic either. It took four years for me to finally prove it to my wife... she now is on board.
It sounds to me that you are surrounded by heavy drinkers - possibly alcoholics. It's not in THEIR best interest to agree that YOU have a problem. It just doesn't make sense for them to admit that because they would then be admitting by default that they do to. Initially I tried to hide my recovery. I made excuses on why I wasn't drinking, etc... Now, I just say, I'm not drinking. I have told many people in my family but it has always been on my terms. If you are ready you can tell them (in laws) but if not, it's OK to.
The thing to remember IMO, is that alcoholism is serious stuff. I agree with the AA way / disease theory. Meaning if left untreated my alcoholism is deadly - just as leaving heart disease untreated is deadly. It's in YOUR best interest to take care of YOU.
For me, I knew in my gut for a long time that I was an alcoholic. I tried so many times to quit on my own and could not. I looked for help and have put forth a lot of effort to gain sobriety. Today I have 35 days and that in itself is a miracle. I will not jepordize my sobriety for anyone. Family, friends, co-workers, etc... I'm just to important. If I die, my kids don't have a dad, my wife doesn't have a husband, and my sister doesn't have a brother.... Whatever we put in front of our recovery we will lose. So, it's up to you, but I wish you the best of luck!!!
It sounds to me that you are surrounded by heavy drinkers - possibly alcoholics. It's not in THEIR best interest to agree that YOU have a problem. It just doesn't make sense for them to admit that because they would then be admitting by default that they do to. Initially I tried to hide my recovery. I made excuses on why I wasn't drinking, etc... Now, I just say, I'm not drinking. I have told many people in my family but it has always been on my terms. If you are ready you can tell them (in laws) but if not, it's OK to.
The thing to remember IMO, is that alcoholism is serious stuff. I agree with the AA way / disease theory. Meaning if left untreated my alcoholism is deadly - just as leaving heart disease untreated is deadly. It's in YOUR best interest to take care of YOU.
For me, I knew in my gut for a long time that I was an alcoholic. I tried so many times to quit on my own and could not. I looked for help and have put forth a lot of effort to gain sobriety. Today I have 35 days and that in itself is a miracle. I will not jepordize my sobriety for anyone. Family, friends, co-workers, etc... I'm just to important. If I die, my kids don't have a dad, my wife doesn't have a husband, and my sister doesn't have a brother.... Whatever we put in front of our recovery we will lose. So, it's up to you, but I wish you the best of luck!!!
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Thinking around the edges of good and bad drinking habits and coming here all suggest that you qualify, alkies take many forms with one common problem.
Welcome to SR
Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Originally Posted by Dee74 
, and partly because 'we' don't 'do alcoholism' in our family -
D
D
we don't "do" alcoholism in my family...just like we don't "do" therapy...sadly my family would be a lot better if we admitted the first and did the second...maybe one day my example will be inspiration
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 279
Nobody thinks I'm an alcoholic either; I'm still unsure myself. But honestly, forge about the lable for a minute and think about why you want to quit. You obviously have your reasons; and that's all that matters. You dont have to announce it or anything. If people ask; sure you can tell them the medication issue. Or just say you aren't drinking tonight; whatever you feel you have to do to get though the dinner. You will get people who pry; but stick to your guns. Eventually, people will accept that you no longer drink. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 178
If you feel like drinking is starting to take control, maybe it is.
There are two options really... to continue and find out, or to just walk away from it.
One way guarantees no alcohol related illnesses, dui's or hangovers.
I have just told people "I don't drink anymore." When they ask why, I tell them, I've drank my share in my life and am done with it. I still hang out with friends and family who drink and there's no problem. It just took me telling them that I do not drink. End of story. Nobody can convince me that there's something positive to come of drinking. At 47, I've seen enough of the mess is causes in my own relationships, self-esteem, appearance and health... not to mention a dui that broke the camels back.
I choose sobriety because I can, because I want to and because I've been down the other road.
Good luck!
There are two options really... to continue and find out, or to just walk away from it.
One way guarantees no alcohol related illnesses, dui's or hangovers.
I have just told people "I don't drink anymore." When they ask why, I tell them, I've drank my share in my life and am done with it. I still hang out with friends and family who drink and there's no problem. It just took me telling them that I do not drink. End of story. Nobody can convince me that there's something positive to come of drinking. At 47, I've seen enough of the mess is causes in my own relationships, self-esteem, appearance and health... not to mention a dui that broke the camels back.
I choose sobriety because I can, because I want to and because I've been down the other road.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
I'm the complete opposite when family members thinking of me as an alcoholic. I could not think the fact I would be one. But I was pretty wrong about that. I should have put more thought into it. The warning signs were there but I didn't want to stop.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
Sorry if it's an obvious question but have you done any of the basic screening questionnaires like the ones put out by AA or ones modeled after the World Health Organization AUDIT program? If you answer the questions honestly, the recommendations may provide a more accurate and reliable assessment of whether you have a problem with alcohol than the opinions of others (even if they happen to be your family and friends).
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I agree with the others: even no excuse at all is a good enough reason!
If your doc is giving you antidepressants and/or anti-anxiety meds, you can't drink on those anyway. So you'd be telling the truth by using that reason. Still, whatever they think is their issue, not yours!
Stay strong!:day6
If your doc is giving you antidepressants and/or anti-anxiety meds, you can't drink on those anyway. So you'd be telling the truth by using that reason. Still, whatever they think is their issue, not yours!
Stay strong!:day6
Sick doctor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK, via Ireland
Posts: 52
I've done some talking and thinking
Without mentioning the elephant in the room, last night I had a discussion with my wife about my drinking. She will support me, and I think she feels more comfortable if I don't call it alcoholism or addiction, and leave it at 'not drinking'. That's fine by me - we'll return to this as needs be...
It's been wonderful to read your messages. I had some intense dreams last night, and my most visceral recollection is the disappointment and frustration I felt at having drank in the dreams. So it's good to come back here and read so many thoughtful and encouraging messages, and a boost to read the ones expressing anger on my behalf!
For my family, the question is not so much fear of our own consumption (although we've all spoken about it) as fear of naming my father's illness. Of all of us, I'm the one whose reaction to alcohol is most like his. One sip and I'm already more gregarious, more abrupt and obnoxious, and not ready to stop until I go to bed. After he died suddenly, we all started drinking very heavily, and I was left unable to rein in my drinking (after others had at least begun to do so).
We're farmers, but my in-laws are academics and therapists. My mother-in-law doesn't get drunk, and is happy to drive. Drinking fine wine is my father-in-law's hobby, over which we've bonded (you could say he's my dealer!). My wife is happy to drink less, or close to not-at-all, but her sister enjoys getting drunk, and her boyfriend has taken to 'the good stuff' with pure relish... My family are in a different country, but the in-laws are nearby.
The long message is just by way of getting this out there, for me to look at and to say 'I can do this'.
I CAN do this.
It's been wonderful to read your messages. I had some intense dreams last night, and my most visceral recollection is the disappointment and frustration I felt at having drank in the dreams. So it's good to come back here and read so many thoughtful and encouraging messages, and a boost to read the ones expressing anger on my behalf!
For my family, the question is not so much fear of our own consumption (although we've all spoken about it) as fear of naming my father's illness. Of all of us, I'm the one whose reaction to alcohol is most like his. One sip and I'm already more gregarious, more abrupt and obnoxious, and not ready to stop until I go to bed. After he died suddenly, we all started drinking very heavily, and I was left unable to rein in my drinking (after others had at least begun to do so).
We're farmers, but my in-laws are academics and therapists. My mother-in-law doesn't get drunk, and is happy to drive. Drinking fine wine is my father-in-law's hobby, over which we've bonded (you could say he's my dealer!). My wife is happy to drink less, or close to not-at-all, but her sister enjoys getting drunk, and her boyfriend has taken to 'the good stuff' with pure relish... My family are in a different country, but the in-laws are nearby.
The long message is just by way of getting this out there, for me to look at and to say 'I can do this'.
I CAN do this.
Sick doctor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK, via Ireland
Posts: 52
Dinner report
Four of us sat down to a three-course dinner. My sister in law asked if I meant 'no drink' because she'd put a nice bottle in to chill. I said 'none'. After that, everyone was very good at leaving me to it. Just over four bottles were drank, but not a drop by me. I think everyone was surprised this morning, but it didn't feel like a big problem. I guess right now my will-power on this is pretty strong. And that's as a result of talking about my plans rather than keeping them to myself, both on here and to doctors, therapists, and family.
Ironically, I woke up with a headache this morning, and it's still hanging around. Ha...
Thanks all!
Ironically, I woke up with a headache this morning, and it's still hanging around. Ha...
Thanks all!
Sick doctor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK, via Ireland
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by jude70
I have my first test on Saturday. And the strategy that I have come up with, even thought it is kind of a lie, is that my blood pressure has been giving me problems lately and I am trying to get it stabilized with my medication and alcohol will only make it go up. I hope that works and if it doesn't than I will just say flat out say NO! So your medication strategy make be a good idea. But since I am really just starting my journey someone else may have a better solution for you. That is not a combination lie/truth.
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