reggiewayne

Hey all. I was in a meeting today and this topic came up that I really identified with. So often how I feel defines me. If I feel good - I am good. If I feel bad - I am bad, etc... I am learning that what I "feel" means very little. It's what I do that defines who I am. This applies to me in so many different ways. I keep waiting for this "god conscious" to arrive and speak / guide me in all decisions I make. When I don't "feel" that I feel like I am missing something.

It has occurred to me that my feelings can be poisonous to my life. If I just force the issue when I don't feel like it; prayer, meditation, calling my sponsor, meetings, this site, reading my daily devotionals, exercise, all of it can happen if I simply do it. My feelings about them are not important. It would be better if I actually want to do these things, but even if I don't, I will still receive the benefit by doing them.

This, like most of the things in the program have been a revelation. "More will be revealed later" is what I'm told and in my 34 days sober I have lived this. I have so far to go, but I have also come a long way. For those of us early in sobriety, we should be very proud of the progress we have made. A month ago I couldn't imagine a day without a drink. I am so grateful to be sober today. I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!!

Freyakitty

Hi, Thanks for this post. I think it's very relevant and feelings do come and go but I also think that there are deeper feelings that are more like inklings that do help guide me. I knew through a "feeling" that having the next glass of wine and the next or even initially opening the bottle of wine was not going to be productive but chose to ignore it. A friend once dated a man for 8 years before they split...she said to me that she knew intuitively or in her heart of hearts that he wasn't right for her but she chose to ignore it. I know women do tend to have intuition which are essentially feelings about something and I think that it's important to note they exist and are not always poisonous - it's learning to consider which ones are and which ones are helpful isn't it?

Lushwell

Excellent perceptions. Feelings are not facts. Feelings need to be recognized, acknowledged and dealt with. Which may include ignoring. Going on in spite of. Not submitted to. Theres a difference. Having a feeling is not an indication of the validity of the feeling. I may really be experiencing the feeling all right, but it may be an indication I need to change my view point, not that the world should stop the parade.

The intensity of my feelings and my tendency to react to them receeded a bit when I became somewhat aware that not everything was about me.

"I'm frightened"
Confront the fear

"I'm loney"
Reach out to others

"I'm angry"
That doesn't surprise me. We've been little more than self indulgent malcontents most of our lives. A tendency to make mountains out of mole hills. There's more to recovery than abstinence. That's the easy part. We have a lifetime of confronting our irrational thinking ahead. the root of our feelings is our thinking. Notice that the Big Book does not get into feelings in any great detail. They do focus on how we act.

Hence, the road to recovery is paved with action. We do things different. The feelings follow.

Anna

Hi Reggie,

I had believed that my feelings controlled me and therefore controlled my life. I felt that I was at the whim of whatever I was feeling at the moment. It was a huge step for me to learn that feelings were just feelings. I could feel them, acknowledge them and let them go. They didn't need to define me.

artsoul

Great post! It's hard not to act on feelings sometimes (or just want to get rid of them). I need to be reminded often that the good feeling I'm looking for usually comes after the action, instead of before.

When I had extra hard days and got through them, those positive feelings would follow. I try to remember that and not get so caught up in my own head. One of my "resolutions" this year is to post every day in the gratitude section of SR. Just a few minutes of turning my attention towards positive things can make a big difference in my day.

for the post!

LaFemme

Really great post! Thanks!

My life coach usually gives me a couple exercises a week...a lot of the time I don't feel like doing them but I do them anyway and afterwards I'm always grateful I did them

ISPYSOBRIETY

Thing with forcing ourselves to do "things" is... we end up doing things that either need to be done, or are beneficial to our health, body and soul. So, as we do these things we continue living our lives, all the while... Time just keeps on passing by, another day, another week, all under the infuence of sobriety.

To a point, I really think the people who go on living without paying too much attention to the past, specifically, what they're leaving behind... well they seem to plug forward with a healthier mindset than those who overthink parting ways with alcohol.

Sadly, there is no deep voice that thunders through the clouds saying... "This is my gift of freedom to you." LOL There's no verbal affirmation, but deep inside of each of us, there sure is a spiritual one. We know where we were and where we are today. The rest is just the sands of time gone forever. The future is what we live for now.

It just gets easier every single day, just by going about our business in life. Can't ask for more than that.

DayTrader

That's a HUGE lesson RW... you're blessed to have heard it so early and to have understood and internalized it so early. My gr-grand-sponsor knocked me over with, "If you want to stay sober......and life happily.....and be that way for the rest of your life you can have it.....BUT....you're going to have to do a lot of thinks you don't want to do and won't feel like doing."

Honestly, I don't know that I'd ever even considered that sort of thinking for more than a couple minutes EVER.....up until he said that to me. Hmmm, I wonder if selfishness and self-centered thinking is the root of my problem???? lol

great post.