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Do people look at you different now?

Old 01-04-2011, 05:34 PM
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Do people look at you different now?

Would like to know if people look at you different now because of your alcohol or drug problem? If so, how do you deal with it.
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Old 01-04-2011, 05:43 PM
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Not me. If I did anything well while I was into my alcoholism it was that I hid it well. I would hole up in my room, put music or a movie on, and just drink until I passed out. When I finally got around to (trying) quitting people just seemed to think I just took a vacation.

I am pretty much universally open about my addiction. Almost no one that I am close to cares at all. I really don't feel like I am treated differently now than I was before I took to the bottle. Maybe I'm lucky in that regard.
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Old 01-04-2011, 06:19 PM
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Normal drinkers don't care, but I have had 3 people within the last 6 months approach me about why and how I quit, and thought that they might have a problem as well. Now that my parents are finally cognizant that I am an alcoholic, (it took a trip to the ER for them to see the light), even after I told them previously that I thought I had a problem and asked them for support....which they blew off, and just told me to "control my drinking" at the time. Now I am getting more calls from them checking in on me, and reminding me that I can no longer drink...which I sort of get a kick out of now, because they don't realize that I found security in sobriety in the last 6 months, so they treat me like someone who is shaking to get their next drink on...which I kind of like because it lets me know they do care, and it keeps me honest.
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Old 01-04-2011, 06:34 PM
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There's no need to tell anyone but the people you want to, ACT10Npack.

I told friends and family - I thought that was appropriate at the time. All the people who gave me static about quitting soon drifted away when they worked out I was serious....I reconnected with some old friends who were really supportive of my sobriety, and I've made new ones ACT10Npack

D
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Old 01-04-2011, 06:46 PM
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I am thinking..and maybe this comes depending on what age you are..but when I look back -let's go back to high school. They were the CLOSEST people in my life. I never had a vast number of friends..but the ones I do have are near and dear to me. Point is..everyone takes a different path thru life. I don't even know (except for one) what everyone is doing or who they are any more. People come ..People go all thru life. Goes with relationships of every kind. The ones that really matter..they either stick thru it no matter what..or they come around eventually. I think that when I decided to take the path of sobriety..nothing else mattered. I feel so good and that should benefit anyone around me. That is all I know..and with me..I doubt anyone is WTF SHOCKED that I was drinking and just maybe had a bit of a problem!!!!!
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Old 01-04-2011, 07:44 PM
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Not that I can tell.

I don't talk about my sobriety although I don't not talk about it...the subject doesn't really come up.

The one exception was at my high school reunion when B. Kept trying to buy me a drink and seemed affronted that I kept saying "no thanks".
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Old 01-04-2011, 07:53 PM
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I haven't really talked about it except for with my husband. I think he's coming around to my side, because he's still hungover from two days ago and he told me he's taking a break
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:09 PM
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My immediate family knows, my husband, and my therapist. Only a (very) few select friends know that I drank too much, and now I don't. I don't consider myself as having a current problem with alcohol, and honestly it's no one's business how I got to where I am today in recovery.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:12 PM
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Yes, In general most people respect and are attracted to one who takes care of his or her health. One of the many benefits of getting sober I think : )
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:37 PM
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I'm not sure what other people think. I've learned in AA what other people think about me is none of my business. I have told my sister, wife, and best friend. What's interesting is my cousin is really struggling right now and my sister told him and his parents (my aunt and uncle) that I was going to AA and may be able to help. At first I was taken back a bit for her "outing me", but upon further examination I have no problem with it. Step 12 (even thought I'm not there) discusses working with other alcoholics and carrying the message to them. I hear it's how I stay sober is working with other alcoholics so I'm completely open to it.

I am what I am. It doesn't matter what "label" you put on me I am just me. I have tried to accept my alcoholism as a part of me. As long as I don't take the first drink and try and do the next right thing good things will happen.
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Old 01-04-2011, 09:32 PM
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Possibly when I first quit. After a while, it becomes a non-issue. In general, I think people think of me as a responsible, positive person (my sobriety is not really noteworthy to most). I attract quality people and opportunities into my life.

You know, I think most people have had serious issues in their lives - addiction, mental health, relationship, etc. Many have successfully dealt with their demons. I fall into this category. No shame in that!

My sobriety, my life!
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Old 01-04-2011, 10:25 PM
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People definitely look at me differently, but that's probably because I had some major dental work done that I neglected when I was drinking. Truth be told, my grill was a hot mess and I was so wasted all the time I just didn't care and didn't smile and when folks saw my teeth I didn't receive the most pleasant reaction. But now I smile at everyone (because I'm not hungover, and because I actually can) and everyone smiles back at me. I feel like I'm much friendlier and people are in return much friendlier to me.

People do act differently toward me than they used to. But that's because I act differently than I used to. I have more meaningful conversations with people, I actually talk and behave like an adult rather than a child, my boss knows he can count on me and I won't let him down...There's lots of "differents" now.
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Old 01-05-2011, 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Snarf View Post
Truth be told, my grill was a hot mess and I was so wasted all the time I just didn't care and didn't smile and when folks saw my teeth I didn't receive the most pleasant reaction.
Your brutal honesty is outstanding and hilarious.

I thoroughly enjoyed your post and I'm glad to hear you're back on the right track.
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Old 01-05-2011, 01:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Snarf View Post
People definitely look at me differently, but that's probably because I had some major dental work done that I neglected when I was drinking. Truth be told, my grill was a hot mess and I was so wasted all the time I just didn't care and didn't smile and when folks saw my teeth I didn't receive the most pleasant reaction. But now I smile at everyone (because I'm not hungover, and because I actually can) and everyone smiles back at me. I feel like I'm much friendlier and people are in return much friendlier to me.

People do act differently toward me than they used to. But that's because I act differently than I used to. I have more meaningful conversations with people, I actually talk and behave like an adult rather than a child, my boss knows he can count on me and I won't let him down...There's lots of "differents" now.
Yeah, that's what I'm going through now. People usually don't talk to me because they think I'm arrogant and cocky because I keep this serious face. Once they find out I have bad teeth some would even talk **** like I did something to them.

How did you end up getting help?
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Old 01-05-2011, 03:12 AM
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I haven't noticed it that much. Do you mean look at you differently because they see something has changed or look at you differently because they know a little about your story and they are thinking while looking at you?

In the first case, I did have one positive stretch during the week of my birthday. I had been away from drinking for 10 months and had been taking care of myself better generally (not like an expert). People at a new workplace didn't want to believe I wasn't almost ten years younger. But that could have been naivete and, besides, I got that during the addiction once in a while too. But then during the same week, I met a friend after about a 6-month break and the first thing she said was "You look young," and then said "You feel skinny" when she hugged me. It was great. But a really yucky phase was only just beginning and I am just starting to get out of it now.

I haven't had a lot, if any, of the second case, but that's probably because of my low tolerance level for being surrounded by people to begin with and have only told a small number of people.
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Old 01-05-2011, 03:23 AM
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hmmm I don't know what people think of me. I know that all my friends think I cannot drink alcohol: I just get tipsy really fast and then drunk after a couple of glasses while everyone is kinda still ok LOL.

I live here now for about 10y, and it's been like that always. But when I drank , it was always around 6-7h, aperitivo you know. And then I'd go home make dinner, have some wine and keep the worse private. My friends on the other hand just keep on drinking and end the night much later and much worse.
Honously, if you live on a small island you have to let go sometimes and don't judge because (social)life is very limited here.
I don't know if they think different of me now because I haven't gone out with them and refused drinks..... I just keep myself busy with other things and ignore the rest.
And besides: I didn't care what they thought when I drank... and I don't care what people think of me when I don't drink ha ha.
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Old 01-05-2011, 07:26 AM
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My oldest stepson, who is 22, does. He feels like he has lost his friend because I act so different. He doesn't understand yet that I can not control my drinking. But we have been talking and he is proud of me really but sometimes just misses the old me. I don't and my spouse does not miss the old me lol.
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Old 01-05-2011, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by eviLution View Post
Yeah, that's what I'm going through now. People usually don't talk to me because they think I'm arrogant and cocky because I keep this serious face. Once they find out I have bad teeth some would even talk **** like I did something to them.

How did you end up getting help?
It was really just the motivation to finally do something about it. I'm lucky in that my fiancee worked very hard in school, and at her current job, and it has paid off very well financially. We were able to put it on a 0-interest credit card. The dentist had financing options that were actually pretty palatable, but her good credit and ability to pay off the charges made it easier for us to use the card route.

So really it was just me being sick and tired of being upset about my appearance. My future mother-in-law's dentist recommended one in our area, so I went for a consultation and he was fantastic. He was completely honest in telling me I had one of the worst cases he had seen, but he showed me pictures of previous work and the guy was good. Really good. I could tell he was excited about helping me, and help he me did. My confidence level is much higher, and I'm not constantly worried about laughing at something funny or smiling at something that makes me happy. I can just be me, and be happy.

There's still much work to do, but the main, obvious cosmetic issues were addressed first. We're talking over $20,000 worth of work here, but its benefit far outweighs that. Just the way I feel about myself is worth the cost, but also it will help me earn more money in the future as people are more comfortable talking with me and my confidence level shines through. It's a lot of money, but in the long run it's well worth it and I feel the dental work will actually end up paying for itself.
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:23 AM
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I quit for few months last summer. Nobody really new that I had and I don’t know how no one really new but they didn't. I lost about 30 pounds and people commented on that and asked what diet I was on ;-) My son told my dad that since l lost weight I was a much nicer person and more reasonable. So maybe people do view you differently by they don't really know why.
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:39 AM
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Yes, of course they do.

I'm now responsable, caring, accountable, not drunk or hungover, not seeking drugs and girls, not showing up late and leaving early, not drinking and driving, etc...

I actually listen to people now and at least try to treat them with respect.
I actually want to help people.
I'm not longer fearful (or at least not as fearful).
I don't thrive in resentfulness any longer.

I'm no longer a menace to society.

It's wonderful.

Kjell
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