Nikkle

I should probably have posted this in Whiners, but I wanted feedback. I was feeling calm and accepting of the fact that I was about to lose my license for at least a year. Even though I live at least 13 miles from every meeting I have, I felt like everything would work out somehow. My neighbor offered to drive me to my mandatory Monday and Thursday class and my fiancé agreed to pick me up after class on Mondays. The leader of my Tuesday night Celebrate Recovery 12 step meeting lives out my way, so I was thinking I could ask her for a ride. The only thing left was being picked up at 6:30 from my class on Thursday, to go to Celebrate Recovery's big meeting at 7, then a ride home. One gal offered, but then seemed hesitant about every time after realizing how far out I lived. I have asked several people at my meetings to put the word out that I am without transport, to see if I can find some willing Samaritans.

Well, my suspension started yesterday, and today its reality has smacked me in the face. My 15 year old son had an eye appointment scheduled for today. The friend that was going to take us had to cancel due to his own emergency dental appointment. My fiancé said he couldn't get away from work to pick us up and I wasn't about to ask my neighbor and wear out his already more than generous offer to regularly transport me twice a week. Having no one else to call, I cancelled the eye exam and rescheduled for a day more convenient to my fiancé. As I write this, I am realizing it is still working out so far, but I hate feeling big bursts of anxiety and self pity. The stress of just trying to find rides to stay in compliance is going to be the biggest punishment I am going to face as a result of my DUI. I feel some irritation and resentment knowing that I, as opposed to those living in town, will not be able to walk or take the bus to my classes. I can't go to the store, to the library or park like other DUI offenders. I am at the mercy of others to go anywhere. I know: I shoulda thought about all this before I chose to drink and drive. What's done is done and I just need to figure out a way to deal with these overwhelming feelings right now.

Fandy

I know not having transportation is a big inconvenience to you, but please stay in compliance so you do not exacerbate the issue. you would just create more stress for yourself.

i guess one day at a time for this too.

suki44883

Can you not get an occupational license in Oregon? I was able to get that here in Texas for the 3 months my license was suspended.

Nikkle

I am "eligible" for a hardship permit after 90 days. To get one, I must have all my fines paid off, submit a $150 nonrefundable application fee, get sr22 insurance and have an interlock ignition device installed on my van. This is for a first conviction Dui. Of course I want to stay in compliance, that is why I am stressed. If all else fails, I'll have to hitch hike and pray the odds are in my favor. The problem with taking this one day at a time is arranging rides around other peoples schedules requires planning ahead and thinking about the future. Just as I have already started dinner, knowing I wont be here to cook at dinner time.

Antiderivative

These may not be the most comforting words, but you should be feeling overwhelmed and stressed. It is the natural human emotion to your situation. However, the key is how you respond to your discomfort and stress.

You are in a temporary bind. Eventually, this will pass and it will get better as long as you do the next right thing. It seems like you are doing whatever is needed, so you should ease up on yourself. You are trying to do the next right thing and that is wonderful.

If it is possible, invest into a road bike. 13 miles on a road bike is not that far.

Nyte Byrd

If you think one DUI stresses, talk to some who have gotten a few. They can make one's life a living he11, especially financially. I am glad at least it sounds as if you are doing all you can possible to remain in recovery.
I know it's frustrating. But I had to remember how far and out of the way I used to be willing to go cop my drugs sometimes. I had to be just as willing to do the same for my recovery sometimes.

And I would not roll that wheel of risk. Please continue to reach out and see what other arrangements can be made through continued networking. "Do not be discouraged."

It's not easy but early on especially we have to be willing to accept the consequences of our past actions. I know you can do this.

Planning ahead is fine. Worrying about the 'future' is another matter. So make whatever calls you need to make to stay proactive. Things will work out.

Cook dinner? Wish Mrs. Byrd would cook din din for me!!



Why do you think I'm always filling myself up on this popcorn so much?

Hang in there. Look how far you've already come.

Make the decision I did early on....that yer NOT going to let this 'control you'. You're going to take responsibility for your life and you're going to get through this.

ANY LENGTHS!!!

Fandy

sorry, i misunderstood your statement of "the stress of trying to stay in compliance is going to be the biggest punishment" to mean that you would have to drive anyway to get to and from points A&B.

(i hope you only meant hitchhiking as a tongue in cheek remark)

Nikkle

Thanks, I know it is temporary and will pass, as I said and you said, I just need to find a way to handle these feelings that are naturally surfacing. I certainly am not contemplating drinking over it, as I do not wish to break my release agreement or have to start my 90 days of alcohol treatment all over again. I would be more than happy to ride my bike, even though 26 miles for a round trip would be a shock to my system. However, the area I live in is not bike friendly. Little to no shoulder and steep ditches on both sides. Even with a light, I would be risking my life to a greater extent by riding in the dark than I would by hitch hiking.

Dee74

Please don't hitch hike Nikkle...the papers are full of people who hitch hike and disappear.

I haven't had a car for years - admittedly the public transport where I live is very good and safe - but my point is not having a license or car is something many of us have to deal with, and quite successfully.

You're getting sober and healthier, you're turning your life around...and you'll get your license back.

Like AntiD said, this is a temporary burden - try not to let it grind you down too much
D

Nikkle

Fandy: there is no way I would ever drive while suspended, haha! :0) It would violate my release agreement and get me an even longer suspension and make me ineligible for a hardship permit.

Anna

I think that one thing that might help is to prioritize when you are planning ahead. For example, maybe your neighbor would drive you and your son to the optometrist, and you could miss one of your meetings that week? And, maybe you can combine trips, such as buying groceries on the way home from a meeting? I am sure that it seems overwhelming now and I hope that you can lessen your stress as the time passes.

Nikkle

Really not trying to be dramatic or shocking by saying I'd hitch as a last resort. Just saying, what if I find myself still without a ride an hour before I must be there? What if I get out of my meeting and my fiancé has gotten drunk and is not there to pick me up? I hope these questions do not seem like I am determined to be negative. They are legitimate concerns for me.

Hevyn

Hi Nikkle. I remember going through this stage & it was horrible. The time will go fast, but that's not much comfort right now. It's something we just have to endure - and it's good that you came here to share your stress. All I can do is offer my sympathy for what you're going through. This too shall pass & all that.

Nikkle

My 76 year old friend will be coming out to get me once a week to go grocery shopping and whatnot. He is the one who was going to take us today, but he has a bad tooth. My meeting tonight is mandatory, so I could not skip it in trade for my son's eye appointment. Guess there isn't really an answer for this except "deal with it", but thanks for listening and letting me vent :0)

Lilly03

Glad to hear you have some help to go grocery shopping. I would be a mess if I couldn't get around. Just remember there really is only so much you can do - you can't control everything. Do everything you can but try really hard to let go of what you can't control. Good luck.

Hevyn

Nikkle, I remember that stage as the most humiliating & humbling time for me. I could not believe what I'd allowed to happen - when I wasn't looking. The time I spent having to hunt for rides, & being dependent on others, definitely was of value though. I think back to those days whenever I'm tempted to dance with the devil again.

artsoul

Hi Nikkle -- I was lucky enough not to have a DUI, but I had (and am still having) huge financial challenges that overwhelm me. One thing that has helped on the super-bad days was to find several things I could be grateful for (like not having cancer, kids are healthy, etc.)....

I hope you give yourself some extra TLC during this time. What about calling a taxi? I know it's expensive, but if you could allow yourself to do it once or twice a week, at least you'd feel like you have a back-up plan. Hang in there - it sounds like you're doing the very best you can.:ghug3

DayTrader

Nikkle.....you mentioned CR so I assume you'll be in tune with what I'm going to say. If not, shoot me a PM or something.

God is either everything.....or He's not. He's either all-powerful, or He's limited and unavailable. If He's truly everything, as I'm sure you believe (hence, the attendance at CR), they the question is why are you not trusting Him? Why are you not believing He will provide everything you need, when you need it? Why do you still feel the need to run your life when He's continually asked us to put down the reigns and walk with Him?

Tough questions...... I know. I floundered with them too in early sobriety. The concept of "let go - let God" was nothing new to me but actually DOING it was new.......completely new.....and quite unsettling at first.

Your role is to do your best, do what you can, and leave everything up to God to handle. He's infinitely more capable, right? So practice trusting Him. I think you'll find just like I did, that He's not only qualified, He's chomping at the bit to show you just how much He loves you.

NobleCause

I received a DUI also - my first and only, tho it was ultimately just one of a number of charges which culminated from a single, tragic, horrific incident that is the only blemish on an otherwise unmarked record. I won't dwell on the details, but suffice it to say that the impact of that incident has been emotionally, legally, financially, and socially devastating for me, and devastating to some others in far more tangible ways. Years later I am still without a license & living a completely different sort of life than I'd ever have imagined.

Tho I completely relate to, and commiserate with, the stress of your situation, I just wanted to gently suggest you not get so hooked by the logistics of it all. Be thankful you didn't kill or cripple anyone, and realize how easily you could've. Control is an illusion, mostly, and the details of your transport, etc. will work themselves out one way or another regardless of the amount of energy you burn driving yourself crazy over them. I apologize if this sounds harsh in nature - letting go was an invaluable lesson for me to learn, and has been a key in adjusting to & surviving life since my arrest.

Nikkle

Thanks DayTrader, sometimes I just need to hear someone else say what I already know, when I start feeling weary and forget to remind myself. Guess it is human nature to give something to God, then try to take it back again for a while. Doesn't make anything better, just gets me all worked up for nothing, haha! I do believe...help my unbelief!