Sober apologies
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
Sober apologies
Most people have to apologize for things they say when drunk (and I've had plenty of those too). Now I am apologizing for things I said when sober.
I fired off an email to my sister about how I thought it was wrong to let her 17 yr old daughter move in with a 21 year old. He's a good kid, and I was out of line.
I am suddenly flooded with emotions right now. Learning to "feel" is going to take some practice for me. Need to learn to keep my mouth shut when it's none of my business.
Was wondering if anyone else in early sobriety has found themselves struggling with emotional balance? I really don't think I would have stuck my nose in her business had I still been drinking. I probably would have just had a bottle of wine and shrugged it off.
I fired off an email to my sister about how I thought it was wrong to let her 17 yr old daughter move in with a 21 year old. He's a good kid, and I was out of line.
I am suddenly flooded with emotions right now. Learning to "feel" is going to take some practice for me. Need to learn to keep my mouth shut when it's none of my business.
Was wondering if anyone else in early sobriety has found themselves struggling with emotional balance? I really don't think I would have stuck my nose in her business had I still been drinking. I probably would have just had a bottle of wine and shrugged it off.
Last edited by bettterlife4me; 01-03-2011 at 07:03 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 48
I had an incident happen on NYE where I suddenly spoke up for myself - shocked the entire group but unfortunately it was about my share of the bill (they wanted to split it equally but there was alcohol included in the bill and I didn't drink so I didn't think that was fair) - Anyway I don't think it's right or wrong to have said something to your sister - maybe it's more of a bigger deal to you because it's a new way of interacting?
I definitely feel more emotions lately (some good, others not so) and it does take adjusting but I see it as rediscovering myself and my voice.
I definitely feel more emotions lately (some good, others not so) and it does take adjusting but I see it as rediscovering myself and my voice.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
It took me a while before my emotions seemed to 'smooth out' in early sobriety. It has to do with the brain and body healing after stopping drinking. There will be ups and downs for sure for a while, but as long as you stay sober and are living a healthy life it will smooth out.
Be good to yourself and be understanding of your feelings being all over the place for a while. And yes, apologizing for 'popping off' is the way to go. You're a normal human being, you say or do things you regret but have the sense to make them right.
Be good to yourself and be understanding of your feelings being all over the place for a while. And yes, apologizing for 'popping off' is the way to go. You're a normal human being, you say or do things you regret but have the sense to make them right.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Oh yes, especially in early sobriety I was on a constant emotional rollercoaster on top of already having Emotional Rollercoaster Syndrom before I started drinking. It was tough to keep things in check for a long time, still is now at wherever I am on the sobriety scale.
I think another thing is a lot of relationships are simply strained. While I feel more emotionally stable I still find it incredibly hard to deal with issues with my family. I know it's because of all the broken trust, fighting, etc.
I think another thing is a lot of relationships are simply strained. While I feel more emotionally stable I still find it incredibly hard to deal with issues with my family. I know it's because of all the broken trust, fighting, etc.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Yes, I agree with you, it takes some practice to get the right balance.
For me, I had to accept that some people were not going to like what I said. In the past, I had always said what the other person wanted to hear. Ick. And, it's been hugely empowering.
For me, I had to accept that some people were not going to like what I said. In the past, I had always said what the other person wanted to hear. Ick. And, it's been hugely empowering.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
One thing I learned from my drinking is that I got no right to tell anyone else how to live. I made so many mistakes in my alcoholic past, so many bad decisions that left me with horrible consequences that I'm still cleaning up, that I obviously don't even know how to live my own life. Heck, I'm still just trying to live each day without a drink. I got no real standing to be telling other folks what's up.
If someone asks my opinion or advice on something, I'm happy to help. But I try to do so in a constructive manner. I'm much more reserved when expressing myself than I used to be.
If someone asks my opinion or advice on something, I'm happy to help. But I try to do so in a constructive manner. I'm much more reserved when expressing myself than I used to be.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Of course! I'm having to learn how to live and deal with myself know and it's no easy task
This, is another example where I'm sooo grateful for the design for living that AA provides.
By following (working) the steps in order, I'm slowly becoming able to deal with life on "lifes" terms. ...and guess what? It's working, slowly, but it's working.
Kjell
This, is another example where I'm sooo grateful for the design for living that AA provides.
By following (working) the steps in order, I'm slowly becoming able to deal with life on "lifes" terms. ...and guess what? It's working, slowly, but it's working.
Kjell
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
So much great advice here - thanks guys!
I definitely don't have the right to tell anyone else how to live - I'm an alcoholic for God's sake.
I am also guilty in the past of saying things I think people want to hear instead of being honest. (co-dependency tendency)
I don't recall having Emotional Roller-coaster Syndrome before drinking, but apparently am now experiencing a rather severe case. I should qualify that statement with the fact that "before drinking" was about 28 years ago, and I was a mere 18 years old, so perhaps I did have ERS but have since forgotten...
Thanks again. I see my addictions therapist tomorrow (2nd visit) and plan to bring this up.
I definitely don't have the right to tell anyone else how to live - I'm an alcoholic for God's sake.
I am also guilty in the past of saying things I think people want to hear instead of being honest. (co-dependency tendency)
I don't recall having Emotional Roller-coaster Syndrome before drinking, but apparently am now experiencing a rather severe case. I should qualify that statement with the fact that "before drinking" was about 28 years ago, and I was a mere 18 years old, so perhaps I did have ERS but have since forgotten...
Thanks again. I see my addictions therapist tomorrow (2nd visit) and plan to bring this up.
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