Soph

I too am a mom, a single working mom of a 14 year old son (and two needy dogs!)

I first started trying to get sober last year and the only time I got up to 75 days under my belt were when my son left for camp last summer. I felt free to go to lots of meetings, see my sponsor, and no hassles with nagging anyone! Because I, too, let him get to me and I do use my anger and stress as a reason to drink wine.

Am getting back into AA because I know that phone calls and support are the only things that really help me. To have a list of people I can actually call when I am in the car heading to the wine shop. I need strong people to help me because I still crave wine and especially at the end of the day and double especially when my son is giving me attitude and I just want to turn the volume down on my stress by feeling that warm blurry calm feeling envelop me by the end of the first glass of wine.

Cranberry fizzy drink, La Croix, ginger ale, lemonade, all good at dinner time :-)

keithurbanfan

I could just cry when I read all this. I feel so guilty for all the nights I was too busy drinking to even sit down and eat dinner with my son. Not just me, but my husband too. And since my son never complained, I thought he was ok with it. Now that my head is clearing up, I can't stand myself! On the bright side, I haven't had a beer since 12/30/10 and am determined to not ever have another one.
I would love a forum for moms because I think we all have a lot more in common than we realize.

notaloser

I love this thread!! Thanks MJ!! I relate to so many of these posts. I have tried to change my evening routine by sitting in a different room to watch tv, I read on SR, work on unfinished projects. Its been 30 days now, and it feels so good. Now I am trying to add back exercise to my days. And have been tapering my AD med. It's a long road.

sazza

Oh, just to add, I no longer sit in my "drinking chair" either, I sit in a different chair after the kids go to bed and just being in a different position in the room helps!

stanleyhouse

Maryjan
I am so happy you started this thread. So many women are in the same boat and unwilling to talk about it because of fear. We all start out drinking from 5 until..... because we are alcoholics. Our bodies react differently to alcohol than other peoples'. If we don't get "the monkey off our back" early we will drink 24/7.
I started looking at my usual freetime activities like reading and tv and asked myself what was the point of alcohol. Than I looked at have to's like cleaning and yard work, I liked to drink when I cleaned so I found things to do after to keep myself occupied until the urges went away. And I cleaned less. I turned yardwork into gardening and now it's a hobby.
Early on in my sobriety I took the end of the day just for me and discovered solitude. Learning how to relax without drinking and asking for a little time away takes practice but in the end it's worth it. Now I don't need poison to calm me down. I absolutely love a quiet spot on my bed with my book or my remote. Give me an hour at six and thrilled.
SH

peanuts

If there's a "Mommy thread", I'm in.

I used to come home and after being pounced on by my kids, I would immediately go pour that "much needed" glass of wine. Then I could relax, chill out, get changed, make supper. That first glass transformed me into a charming, loving, attentive, relaxed Mommy (or so I thought).

Unfortunately it always turned into that first bottle of wine. I grew up in an alcoholic house, and I realise I have become my mother. I don't want to leave that legacy for my daughter. I don't want her to remember her Mommy slurring her goodnights - if Mommy is sober enough to say them. I don't want her to remember the smell of booze on her Mommy's breath.

I don't want to become my mother, and I don't want my daughter to become what I was.

A few nights ago my 6yr old son asked me if he could get me my "wine mug" for me. I almost choked. Thankfully I could tell him that Mommy doesn't drink wine any more!

I always used to say I would die for my kids. What I mean now is I want to live for them.

Nikkle

I can relate to the kid's behavior being an excuse to drink. Sometimes I would successfully fight off cravings all day, but as soon as the kids came home and their normal chaos resumed, I'd tell myself I needed to drink, if only for their sake, so I wouldn't end up biting their heads off. "just one more beer and I don't hear you anymore" (Elton John). Also, my fiancé is a workaholic alcoholic and his biggest complaint was that I drank, I accomplished very little around the house. He said he wished he could trade places with me, that I would go to work and he would run the house like a well oiled machine. The problem for me as an alcoholic and stay at home mom, was after a while, you stop reserving your drinks for the end of the day like you did when you had a job to go to. Suddenly anytime you don't have to be somewhere is an opportunity to drink. I began cutting my errands short and putting them off til another day so I could hurry home and drink.Sometimes I would call my son's school on Wednesdays and ask them to tell him to skip choir practice that day because I wouldn't be able to pick him up. Many times I drove with them when I shouldn't, many times I drove their friends when I shouldn't. One particularly sad time, was this last Halloween. My 3 oldest are in the Young Marines, which has a very strong anti-drug/drink program. There was a contest for the best anti-drug/drink t-shirt design. The awards were announced at their Halloween party. My 15 year old son invited his buddy to go. I took them there after already having a couple beers. Parents were welcome to stay and join in the fun with their kids, but I was too busy drinking. I was late picking him up that night, him and his friend were the last kids there. I definitely shouldn't have been driving by then. If one of the leaders had come out to talk to me, I definitely would have been arrested for DUI. We miraculously made it home safe, but the sad part was, my son won for the best t-shirt design. How much more awful that would have been for them if I had been arrested, how sickeningly tragic it would have been if I had crashed and killed them as he sat proudly next to me with his award. Wow...anyways, I like the idea of a parents support group, but I think we should include dads too.

nadt

Hello. I agree with the idea of the mom's group. I am a single mom with 3 kids. As many of you have said, reading through these posts have helped me realize I'm not the only one trying to deal with this problem. I too have driven when I shouldn't, helped at school events after beer, and many other things that I have hidden (or at least thought I had hidden). I hope I have not waited to long to make a change. Istarted drinking heavily a few years ago on the weekends that I didn't have my kids.

MyGraySkies

Ditto! And I had two or three certain cups I used for my drinks (by the time I got sober I was drinking loads of vodka so I used insulated cups for my mixed drinks) and I threw 2 of them out and the other one is in the dog food bag as a dog food scoop.

SSIL75

Nikkle - That made me tear up

OklaBH

I could have wrote this. As soon as I hit the door I fill up my cup with wine. I thought I was being "extra smart" by adding lots of ice. Stupid, stupid. I cant tell you how bad I feel.

keithurbanfan

It did me too. But the good thing is, we're all here because we realize there's a problem and we're actively taking steps to make things right.

Maryjan

I think if we all keep posting, this will turn into a "newcomer's support daily thread" and we can check with each other when things are tough, or we have wisdom to share. (Keep the advice coming!). I would give my left arm for an hour at 6. Maybe when my husband gets home at 6:30, I should take a break. Anyone want to meet me in the backyard hammock for some ... Cranberry juice and complaining?? I love my kids, I promise, but it's hard. For all of you who feel guilty about past driving, slurring, **** tailing, I think we have to try to focus on what's next. We can do this sober...right?

SSIL75

MaryJan - you might find (as I have) that kids are a WHOLE lot less stressful when you're living a sober life.

I have the presence of mind now to tackle our days from the top down. Be really engaged with them. Right now we're off to the rec center to run around for a bit. I would never, ever have done that when I was drinking. It's 3:40. Wine time!

So sad how I used to live!

Anna

Absolutely everyone!

This can be a thread that you keep returning to for support and/or daily check-ins.

It was the stress of the teenage years that pushed me over the edge. I held on till my daughter was 16 and my son 19, and then I spent 3 years fuzzy with alcohol. When I look back on it, it is very painful and sad for me, because as you Moms know, you can never get the time back again. But, I am sober and strong and my kids now have kids of their own, so please know that you can do this!

stanleyhouse

You can take a solitude break or go out and do something at night. I found out how much more fun it was to be out at night versus the day. It's a change of scenery for sure and i felt so freakin proud of myself for being awake and able to drive- it was a rush.
SH

Maryjan

It is kind of sad that I never really considered taking the kids out at night!

SSIL75

My kids are small so they're in bed early but I don't know how many movies I just 'had' to return the first month I was sober. It was such a trip to be able to dive! At 8pm! lol

FNW

Working mom here, 18 months sober! I have one 5yo son and picking up to tune him out was the easiest thing when he was clingy. I discovered that he wasn't so clingy when I didn't tune him out - he just wanted some attention. I now have lots of time for me, all of which I'll remember in the morning. I feel much better although I substituted food a little for the alcohol, oops. As someone said, I got a second butt for Christmas and I can't return it (lol). I'm glad to see everyone here and thankful for SR!

notaloser

Feeling that pain these days I'll work on that next....