Supercrew

After quitting for 117 days and being completely comfortable with sobriety only to have a drink on day 118 for no apparent reason other than letting my recovery program fall by the wayside...which didn't lead to a binge, yet slowly over a 2 month period realizing I was back to square one. I recognized it myself, and maybe that is a good thing because now I'm convinced that I am not just a "problem drinker", or a "binge drinker", I am an alcoholic. Too bad it took another 50 some days of my life to convince me of a fact that I probably already knew.

Kmber2010

For me it was finally looking myself in my bathroom mirror (as messy as I was) and saying you have a problem that you have NO control over. You are an alcoholic and you can't go this alone. It was then that I began researching support programs/rehab, etc. and I found SR. Just reading threads and stories from people helped me to realize that alcoholism is real and change is possible.

These fine folks here at SR are the ones who initially opened my eyes to a desire to live again and a belief (took me a little while to get my recovery going) that I am not doomed forever.

Isaiah

I think it sunk in a couple weeks after I started going to AA. Realizing that I was dealing with similar problems as all these other folks who had certainty they were alcoholics.

It was a hard thing for me to get, not so much out of conviction that I couldn't be an alcoholic, but my progression was extremely short and intense. Barely had time to register what was going on before I needed to get into treatment.

RV GTO

What convinced you that you are an alcoholic?

I was seeing a shrink about 20 years ago and I told her how I went out to the bars on the weekends and basically got trashed every time I went. She then said to me "next time you go out, see if you can have just one, then stop." I tried and couldn't .......

She then told me that at a minimum you have an alcohol control problem that could turn into alcoholism. So the red flag was thrown up 20 years ago.

I realized it was well beyond an "alcohol control problem" and full blown alcoholism when I became physically addicted to alcohol; stay away from alcohol for a day, get withdrawal symptoms and continue to drink to minimize the "shakes" and severe hangovers. That eventually led to needing inpatient detox(s) because the withdrawal symptoms were so bad when I "tried to quit".

By time I was introduced to AA, step 1 was without a doubt the easiest for me.

The last paragraph of page 31 in the Big Book is, in my mind anyway, a very real test for alcoholism and that's where my shrink must have gotten it from.

MsCooterBrown

Towards the end of my drinking..big chunks of time were missing. Many times I would end up waking up and not knowing where I was or how I got there. I was a walking zombie. I can see it in past pictures. My eyes are blank. Like this weird out of it stare. Still had my body but my mind was gone. Hungover all the time. Never tuned into conversations..I have not been sober my whole adult life. This is like a new world to me. I love it.

peanuts

Where to start....?

The heart pains and palpitations - "it's just anxiety"
The tingling in my hands and legs - "it's carpal tunnel, I've been sitting too long"
Shakes and red eyes in the morning - "just lack of sleep"
Not remembering putting my kids to bed - "wow, thank God THAT doesn't happen much"
Waking up in my daughter's bed - "gee, I must have been really tired"
Smelling alcohol on my own breath in the morning - "hmmm, that red wine sure was strong"
The ability to drink more and more - "guess I can just drink more then"

The inability to stop at one. "One more won't hurt".

The inability to stop for one day. "Why should I?"

Finally I couldn't deny it any longer. And here I am!

Saliena

Thanks for all the replies everyone!! I heart this place..

oak

When I first stopped as a teenager, I knew I had a problem because I was blacking out whenever I drank (and my parents also struggled with alcohol). I finally stopped when I did not know if I had slept with someone.

I relapsed this past summer- after many years without alcohol. On one level, I knew I was an alcoholic because alcohol took over my life. I thought about it almost constantly. I was angry and agitated when I wanted alcohol and could not have it right then. I could barely get bills paid or do simple errands (or want to be with non-drinking friends); I just did not care about anything but drinking. I felt tremendous despair over not knowing if I could quit and also not entirely wanting to give alcohol up. But I still had doubts if I was really an alcoholic.

I am more sure now. After almost 4 months sober, I started wanting alcohol again, after hanging out with some friends who I drank with last summer. Having that desire to drink again somehow led me to be more sure that I am an alcoholic. It's also led me to a deeper appreciation for sobriety.

Krang

Between the blackouts, empty wallet and the wall of empties, it was the fact that I had no control over alcohol. I could tell myself that I would only have one, and then I would have 8 then 12, etc. Even though I knew the consequences of my drinking. I couldn't stop. When someone expressed that I should stop drinking, I would become angry because I just needed more and more and more.

wendellwgb

Powerless and unmanageable were the words that kept me creating what if's until i was submerged in them. After a relapse that lasted 6 months, I was in and out of the hospital 4 times, lost my job, custody of my daughter, etc... I finally got the gift of desperation and that has been the best gift:day6 awarded to me. Now a days, I have no problem giving my life over to God and I do it with pleasure.
Thank you for your post, it reminded me of how unmanageable my life became, I need to keep that nightmare fresh, so I remember how desperate I was![B]/B]

oakleaf82

When I first came to SR I did not know if I was an alcoholic. I still wouldn't say I'm convinced I am, but I have a problem with labels, lol.

I remember going to a dinner party one night at a friend's house. There was one bottle of wine and a 6 pack of beer for the four of us. I absolutely OBSESSED over that bottle of wine because I wanted a second glass.

I have also had this agonizing inner dialogue with myself over whether or not to buy alcohol when I have been thinking about quitting.

I spent one day severely hungover at work, and had to spend the whole day in the car with my boss; I thought I was going to vomit in his car. That was a bad day.

Lots of fighting with my husband over the most ridiculous things that would never have happened without alcohol.

I am just a person who wants to quit. All of these situation will be avoided without alcohol.

thedude2012

holding the toilet bowl in the morning puking for the gazillionth time, feeling like i was going to die, also being broke all the time. Not anymore.

topspin

...those endless 4 liter weeks,

wishing for the good old days, when it was just beer.

sad, huh ?

<shaking head> ......really sad

yeahgr8

I went to AA and met a group of people who all had the same feelings about drinking that i did, e.g. guilt, remourse, sadness, loneliness...the only differences in the stories were the people, places and things...fundamentally i knew i was the same and finally accepted i was an alcoholic...

Before that i would have admitted i was an alcoholic if pushed on the subject but i didn't accept or really believe it...

franie

I realised I was an alkie after seeing a therapist for "other issues". She knew the moment I walked into the room - took her less than a minute to see the truth -pity it took me a while longer. Better late than never though.

December15

Drinking three bottles of wine in the day from seven in the morning to pass out time about seven in the evening.

yeahgr8

That was my experience too...i saw several therapists for the "issues" i had and all said as soon as i walked through the door "you are an alcoholic"...problem was they weren't so it always only went so far...

LiveLikeGold6

I knew I was an alcoholic when I was born. I seriously feel like I've always known.

Alcoholic parents ? Check

Problem Drinking before age 13 ? Check

Psychological change when drinking ? Check

I knew I was toast since day 1 lol WHEN I would quit totally... not IF... was always the question.

Kjell

I only realized I was born an alcoholic after getting sober, but me too. I was also born one and have a lot of the same "checkmarks" as you. Drinking didn't just make me feel better, it changed my world, my thoughts, my actions and I loved it b/c of that.

Onewithwings

I shoved alcohol in my face and did stupid things.
I tried to stop shoving alcohol in my face and doing stupid things.
I kept on shoving alcohol in my face and doing stupid things.