Can you quit drinking discretly?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
I definitely know you can quit drinking discreetly. However two caveats:
1. Having a friend (or two) who'll help support your decision makes a huge difference.
2. Depends on your crowd, but there is always at least one person or friend who won't take "no" for an answer. They may even take 'personal offense' (or at least act up that way) on your decision to abstain from alcohol.
1. Having a friend (or two) who'll help support your decision makes a huge difference.
2. Depends on your crowd, but there is always at least one person or friend who won't take "no" for an answer. They may even take 'personal offense' (or at least act up that way) on your decision to abstain from alcohol.
Decide. Commit. Succeed.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: On the road to recovery...
Posts: 895
Originally Posted by AmericanGirl 
I was really quiet at first and only told a couple of people. others, if they noticed, assumed it was a temporary thing. I needed to get time under my belt to feel confident before I talked about my decision to quit. I safeguarded my sobriety because I didn't want to jeopardize it by having people underestimate me or assume I'd give up and start drinking again. Now I have eight months ... When people hear that they know I'm serious!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Once I got comfortable in sobriety, once I really learned to accept myself, my past and my present (which wasn't an easy task...it took a fair amount of work) I got to where I don't usually care who knows about my past or my present. Don't get me wrong, I don't open with it when I meet with clients, but I don't hide it either.
I drank.....a lot.....got into trouble.....couldn't stop drinking, and I don't drink anymore. I was a practicing alcoholic, now I'm a recovered alcoholic. It doesn't bother me that ppl know that about me. I'm grateful for my past. Without it, I wouldn't be where I am now. Besides, how will anyone who needs a hand know to ask me if I hide my reality from them?
I suppose you can quit discretely but honestly, you'll miss out on a LOT of the fun in helping other ppl recover from their alcoholism too......and that would be tough for me to go on without. I've found being open about myself and being excited to help others who are looking for a hand to be a vital part of my own recovery.
I drank.....a lot.....got into trouble.....couldn't stop drinking, and I don't drink anymore. I was a practicing alcoholic, now I'm a recovered alcoholic. It doesn't bother me that ppl know that about me. I'm grateful for my past. Without it, I wouldn't be where I am now. Besides, how will anyone who needs a hand know to ask me if I hide my reality from them?
I suppose you can quit discretely but honestly, you'll miss out on a LOT of the fun in helping other ppl recover from their alcoholism too......and that would be tough for me to go on without. I've found being open about myself and being excited to help others who are looking for a hand to be a vital part of my own recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
If you want to quit discretely you could substitute an alternative reason for not drinking, like you are training for a marathon or a triathlon. I think people would respect your fitness goals and lifestyle. However, at some point people would expect you to actually compete in such an event so you would need to be serious about it. There are many people on SR who get into fitness in a big way when they become sober. Check out the Fitness, Health, and Nutrition special interest group on SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i think you've gotten some fair answers here..and yes, I think you can quit discreetly, just don't dwell on it and have a plan for social gatherings.
it's a bigger deal to YOU to stop than anyone else...your feelings may change 50 different times this month, but for now ODAAT just don't drink and be happy with your decision.
coming here and posting, reading the forums is a big help too.
it's a bigger deal to YOU to stop than anyone else...your feelings may change 50 different times this month, but for now ODAAT just don't drink and be happy with your decision.
coming here and posting, reading the forums is a big help too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
I quit discreetly but everyone noticed anyways, the funny thing was the only people who really wanted to discuss why I no longer drink and why I quit were the same people looking for answers to their own drinking issues. People who are normal drinkers don't really care.
I made small excuses and jokes when people asked, like "I had tendonitis in my elbow from bending it too much in the past", or the Dr. told me I was alergic. But recently if the setting is right and if people ask, I tell them that alcohol doesn't work in the lifestyle that I am living now, and it has caused alot of problems in my past. If they want to continue the conversation I will discuss the specific issues.
I was quite suprised because a just got together with a couple of old High School friends to play golf that I hadn't seen in years, and they were both suprised that after the round I didn't have a drink, when I told them the situation they both told me how happy they were for me and they thought it was a great decision and really pumped my ego.
My new motto regarding these situations is "who cares what people think, cause most people, especially normal drinkers don't really care."
I made small excuses and jokes when people asked, like "I had tendonitis in my elbow from bending it too much in the past", or the Dr. told me I was alergic. But recently if the setting is right and if people ask, I tell them that alcohol doesn't work in the lifestyle that I am living now, and it has caused alot of problems in my past. If they want to continue the conversation I will discuss the specific issues.
I was quite suprised because a just got together with a couple of old High School friends to play golf that I hadn't seen in years, and they were both suprised that after the round I didn't have a drink, when I told them the situation they both told me how happy they were for me and they thought it was a great decision and really pumped my ego.
My new motto regarding these situations is "who cares what people think, cause most people, especially normal drinkers don't really care."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
I have been very discreet with my sobriety since I put it down earlier this year. This forums is the only place were I let it all out 
None of my friends or family knew the extent of my abuse of alcohol so it was, and still is a challenge when everyone keeps raising an eyebrow when I turn down the drink over and over again.
Many people have noticed a change in me though and because of how discreet I was in my drinking they can't "put there finger on it" as I am often told in a very positive light.
So yeah you sure can do it discreetly, but people will notice something is different.
None of my friends or family knew the extent of my abuse of alcohol so it was, and still is a challenge when everyone keeps raising an eyebrow when I turn down the drink over and over again.
Many people have noticed a change in me though and because of how discreet I was in my drinking they can't "put there finger on it" as I am often told in a very positive light.
So yeah you sure can do it discreetly, but people will notice something is different.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 178
Discretion can be had. Just wondering why you need it. You know... the old mind could be telling you to be discreet so there is nobody to pull you up on it down the road? Perhaps? :/
Outing the deed feels pretty good, because when you quit, your know it's for good... or you're a liar/failure. I myself, after wrecking my car, promised my two kids and that night my God that I would never drink again. The kids beleive me and my God knows the truth, but there's no way to convince the courts of my total 100% abstinence.
If you're really concerned about your actions "those times" where you drink yourself into actions you're not proud of, tell those you care about that you won't allow alcohol to be a prop for you to make foolish mistakes any longer. Go for it!
What is discretion anyways? Not going on the PM news with it? Thirty years of on and off alcohol are behind me now. I CHOOSE SOBRIETY! Proud of it too!
Outing the deed feels pretty good, because when you quit, your know it's for good... or you're a liar/failure. I myself, after wrecking my car, promised my two kids and that night my God that I would never drink again. The kids beleive me and my God knows the truth, but there's no way to convince the courts of my total 100% abstinence.
If you're really concerned about your actions "those times" where you drink yourself into actions you're not proud of, tell those you care about that you won't allow alcohol to be a prop for you to make foolish mistakes any longer. Go for it!
What is discretion anyways? Not going on the PM news with it? Thirty years of on and off alcohol are behind me now. I CHOOSE SOBRIETY! Proud of it too!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 41
I like what Lushwell said about being a pickle. I'm a pickle, too, and I'm going to think of that next time someone offers me a glass of wine. I'm a pickle now and I'll have to just leave the alcohol to the cucumbers!
I'm only 3 days sober, but I've been thinking about what to say to people when suddenly I'm not drinking in social situations. I think I want to be discreet, too, and not shout it from the roof tops. I think the friends or family that might be nosy about it are pickles themselves and are probably more concerned about their own drinking habits. Also thought about saying alcohol is making me gain weight and I'm on a diet or I'm on a health kick....eating organic or trying a new workout program, which are all true.
I'm only 3 days sober, but I've been thinking about what to say to people when suddenly I'm not drinking in social situations. I think I want to be discreet, too, and not shout it from the roof tops. I think the friends or family that might be nosy about it are pickles themselves and are probably more concerned about their own drinking habits. Also thought about saying alcohol is making me gain weight and I'm on a diet or I'm on a health kick....eating organic or trying a new workout program, which are all true.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: B.C., Canada
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by ISPYSOBRIETY
Discretion can be had. Just wondering why you need it. You know... the old mind could be telling you to be discreet so there is nobody to pull you up on it down the road? Perhaps? :/
Outing the deed feels pretty good, because when you quit, your know it's for good... or you're a liar/failure. I myself, after wrecking my car, promised my two kids and that night my God that I would never drink again. The kids beleive me and my God knows the truth, but there's no way to convince the courts of my total 100% abstinence.
If you're really concerned about your actions "those times" where you drink yourself into actions you're not proud of, tell those you care about that you won't allow alcohol to be a prop for you to make foolish mistakes any longer. Go for it!
What is discretion anyways? Not going on the PM news with it? Thirty years of on and off alcohol are behind me now. I CHOOSE SOBRIETY! Proud of it too!
Outing the deed feels pretty good, because when you quit, your know it's for good... or you're a liar/failure. I myself, after wrecking my car, promised my two kids and that night my God that I would never drink again. The kids beleive me and my God knows the truth, but there's no way to convince the courts of my total 100% abstinence.
If you're really concerned about your actions "those times" where you drink yourself into actions you're not proud of, tell those you care about that you won't allow alcohol to be a prop for you to make foolish mistakes any longer. Go for it!
What is discretion anyways? Not going on the PM news with it? Thirty years of on and off alcohol are behind me now. I CHOOSE SOBRIETY! Proud of it too!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
None of my friends or family know I'm in AA and it's been over 2 years now. I just say no thanks when people offer alcohol. My family aren't big drinkers so they probably haven't even noticed. Occassionally coworkers or people I don't know well ask me why I don't drinK and I just say I quit for health reasons/detox for a while and haven't felt like it since. Or I say I don't like the taste or some such. I just change the subject. I isolated myself a lot when I was drinking so people didn't know how much I drank. I'd just have a couple when I was out with friends, then I'd go home early and get wasted in private. So it's probably easier for me than for someone who was seen to to be a heavy public drinker.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Soda, you do what you feel is right about sharing. There is no right or wrong way if you are working your recovery. Look in the beginning, it is a huge adjustment and much work. I found the way I view things when I first got sober to now have changed quite a bit.
As time goes on you will decide for yourself who you want to share with and how you will feel. Don't be concerned with that at the moment. You can jump on that podium whenever you feel and for now.....you have us at SR to share with
As time goes on you will decide for yourself who you want to share with and how you will feel. Don't be concerned with that at the moment. You can jump on that podium whenever you feel and for now.....you have us at SR to share with
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
Pros about sharing your resolution to quit drinking with the right people:
- you get a lot of positive support and often the right kind of peer pressure to keep at it; friends who've beat drinking through AA or AA itself is a good place to start.
Cons about sharing your resolution with the wrong people:
- they blab indiscreetly and it gets out to others who weren't otherwise aware you had a problem, now see you in a negative light & it causes you to lose a business deal, promotion, opportunity or even a job.
- they get it in their mind that you're on the wrong track and make an extra concerted effort to get you drinking again; often they have drinking problems of their own.
- you get a lot of positive support and often the right kind of peer pressure to keep at it; friends who've beat drinking through AA or AA itself is a good place to start.
Cons about sharing your resolution with the wrong people:
- they blab indiscreetly and it gets out to others who weren't otherwise aware you had a problem, now see you in a negative light & it causes you to lose a business deal, promotion, opportunity or even a job.
- they get it in their mind that you're on the wrong track and make an extra concerted effort to get you drinking again; often they have drinking problems of their own.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Cullman Alabama
Posts: 10
When I first tried to quit and started attending meetings, my Mom made the mistake of letting my gossipy sister in law and her equally gossipy daughter know. I really regret that. That is the last two people on Earth that I want to know.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 99
I quit drinking without mentioning it to a single person. For the first year or so I stayed away from any situations where I might be tempted or pressured to drink. Then when I finally allowed myself into a situation where others would be drinking I just simply politely declined.
Over the past 5 1/2 years there have been many times I've been offered a drink and mostly I just tell decline and I've said to people who know me personally that I don't drink anymore because when I do drink sometimes I say or do stupid things. Everyone has accepted that answer and made it easy for me. Some of them have seen me do and say those stupid things so they probably agree with me. lol
I think, at least for me, that it was important that I tell the people I would be most likely to be in drinking situations with that I "don't drink anymore" so that if I ever were seriously tempted to drink I would remember that I told them I don't drink. So far I haven't been seriously tempted but you never know.
Over the past 5 1/2 years there have been many times I've been offered a drink and mostly I just tell decline and I've said to people who know me personally that I don't drink anymore because when I do drink sometimes I say or do stupid things. Everyone has accepted that answer and made it easy for me. Some of them have seen me do and say those stupid things so they probably agree with me. lol
I think, at least for me, that it was important that I tell the people I would be most likely to be in drinking situations with that I "don't drink anymore" so that if I ever were seriously tempted to drink I would remember that I told them I don't drink. So far I haven't been seriously tempted but you never know.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Reason for not drinking...
If pressed, you can always use the following explanation, which most people are familiar with.
"Because loose lips sink ships."
Most people know that alcohol can make you say things you don't want to, and most have also experienced situations where they saw someone say something they didn't mean to say when drinking, so they will usually accept that.
This is common to a lot of people, so it avoids the "alcoholic" label, if that is what you are concerned with.
- JBC
"Because loose lips sink ships."
Most people know that alcohol can make you say things you don't want to, and most have also experienced situations where they saw someone say something they didn't mean to say when drinking, so they will usually accept that.
This is common to a lot of people, so it avoids the "alcoholic" label, if that is what you are concerned with.
- JBC
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