Nikkle

Trying not to feel anxious, but I suppose as time draws closer,I suppose it is a natural reaction. I am glad I am under legal obligation to stay sober for now, as I need the incentive to put more time between me and my addiction. What I am trying to concentrate on, is wanting to stay sober after I am no longer being monitored. Almost 2 years ago, I stayed sober for 7 months, just attending one AA meeting a week, even though my fiancée drinks a 12 pack a night. So I know I can abstain for now, but honestly, I really miss beer. If by some miracle my case was dismissed, I would actually be disappointed because I really want to stop destroying my life. Aside from the grave financial impact, the only part I wish wouldn't happen is my one year drivers license loss. We live way out in the country, 10 miles from the nearest grocery store and I have 4 kids at home. Oregon hardship permit does not allow for taking kids to school or grocery store if it is a dui suspension. So basically I'll be under circumstantial house arrest for the majority of the next year. Also I am worried about the mandatory one year ignition interlock device after that because I have heard so many malfunction horror stories. Guess I shoulda thought about that before I made the choice to drink and drive. If you are a praying person, I know in my heart God is in control, please just pray I and those affected by this will continue to remember and rest in that knowledge. Thank you.

Nikkle

Any Feedback?

sailorjohn

Looking in from the outside, I would be a lot more concerned about that particular statement than what's coming down the road in court.

Nikkle

Originally Posted by Nikkle
I really miss beer.
SailorJohn said:
"Looking in from the outside, I would be a lot more concerned about that particular statement than what's coming down the road in court."
Wow, ya know I thought that was what I said when I said "What I am trying to concentrate on, is wanting to stay sober after I am no longer being monitored" and "I really want to stop destroying my life"

sailorjohn

You asked for feedback, you received it.

You mentioned that you attended AA in the past, absolutely nothing about what you're doing now.

I merely pointed out the obvious, you failed to mention any sort of plan to maintain your sobriety.

What's your plan?

meditation

I'm in a nurse program that has random drug screening and it's good for me it keeps me accountable on those days I might otherwise feel "weak". Consequences are hard for me but it's a good tool to remember pain. Look at those consequences as "tools" to get healthy, to be the best mother you can be so that you are a good role model, so that you don't ever have to worry about driving over the alcohol limit and that you and everyone out there is safe. Network with folks that are in recovery so that on those bad days you have someone to hash it out with and though you can't control your fiancee, you can have a boundary about what is and isn't allowed around you like beer . Hope the court thing goes well, I know for myself my fears about things are worse than the thing I fear.

Dee74

Hi Nikkle

I missed beer for a long time too - even tho it nearly killed me.

It took a period of extended sobriety and recovery for me to understand just how sick I was and how twisted my perspective was.

Anyone else would have looked at their drinking, looked at the consequences from that drinking, and given up years before.

I wish you well in court - whatever happens I hope you can make this a turning point and the start of something new and wonderful for you
D

loveon2legs

I got a dui jan.22 2010....been sober since the 25th of jan.... my court date isnt until June but I can relate to how you are feeling.....i get sick when I think about it....just keep your head up high....think positive thoughts....and best of luck to you....

bonniep

I just received a dui in oregon, my court is tomorrow. 30 days sober for me today. do you think you'll be able to get diversion? if it's yr first DUI and no one was hurt, you are most likely applicable. That way your liscence will be suspended for three months. Which is better than a year, and i don't believe you ahve to get an interlock device which will make it cheaper for you. Sounds like you got a great wake up call, even though it is super super difficult. I know. Keep going! And I hope to see you in my diversion classes, as it will be a lot cheaper than the DUI conviction and more beneficial, I believe.

bonniep

do you have a lawyer to talk to? court appointed or otherwise?

Kmber2010

Nikkle, Welcome and you have our support.

I would focus on your recovery and what you plan to do. I found just going it solo left the door open to drinking as I really wasn't making any change in my life for the better.

Many of us here have kept on drinking regardless of the consequences.....that is why we must be so strong in our recovery and focus on it 100%.

There are folks here who have gone through DUIs, lost their license, jail time, you name it. They have also put a solid plan of support in place and working their recovery through some extremely difficult situations.

You can do this and I would look at face to face support. Perhaps returning to AA? Remember that any program requires us to do the work.

We do change and there is life after our addiction my friend.

DayTrader

Nikkle,
--DUI court freaked me out too. Just the fear of getting caught again....and my dislike of being punished kept me sober for probably about the same time it did for you..... 6 or 7 months.

What I didn't know at that time though, was that I was already a full-blown chronic alcoholic. I wasn't drinking "that" much, but I couldn't stay stopped.....and when I could, I was far from happy. Eventually that "discomfort" would get bad enough.....and taking a drink would make sense again.

Went round that merry go round 3x..... 3 arrests.......3 courts (luckily no felony) but HUUUGE bills, massive penalties, license revoked (first option to appeal the revocation will be just over 6 yrs after DUI 2 (2 and 3 were within a year of eachother), just over 5 yrs after #3.

I've already done 5 years of NO driving and believe me, it's not easy........but it's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. Getting to/from just about everywhere is a hassle. In the summer, If I'm jammed, there's a grocery store about a mile and a half away.... but it's not always easy to carry groceries or stuff like that when there are no sidewalks and the whole darn state of Michigan was designed with the belief that everyone has cars. lol.

Like you said though.....it's in God's hands. That's easier to say than it is to have trust and faith in. Believe me... I get that. Believing in God is hard enough.....but having faith and trust in him (especially when the going gets tough) is even tougher.

I've kinda learned to tweek my prayers a little.... rather than praying for what I think I want or think I need, I pray for the ability to accept what I get and to realize, without too much fighting, that I'll get precisely what I really NEED and that God will be right there with me as I go through it.

As scary and expensive as those DUI's were.......I can look back now and see, SO CLEARLY, that they were exactly what I needed at the time. And don't forget.......when you're sitting there in court (or standing at the podium)..... God will be right there with you. Give him a wink and ask him for a hand....... he won't let ya down.

Nikkle

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement. Apologizes for leaving out some important details, guess I forgot you don't all live in my head, haha! Since my arrest, I went down to one of the alcohol treatment programs that is court approved the very next week. Was allowed to sign up before my court date. I go there every Monday and Thursday. I am also attending a Celebrate Recovery 12 step class with workbooks on Tuesday night and CR's large group and small group on Thursdays after my treatment class. I have phone lists of other CR members, so I am going to try to make a calendar and call one person a day. I have also joined this forum.

Anna

Hi Nikkie,

It sounds like you have a good plan for working on your recovery.

Let us know how your court date turns out.

artsoul

I hope things go well for you, Nikkle. I'm saying a prayer for you.....

I missed alcohol terribly at first too, but kept reminding myself of what would happen if I kept drinking, and how things would only get worse. You're doing some good work and I think you'll find (as I did) that the urges get weaker as time goes by.

It can be hard when your partner drinks, but lots of people here have gotten sober in the same situation. Good luck tomorrow!:ghug3

Kjell

Hi Nikkie-

I was just sentenced for my 2nd in 5 years and I know how you feel. It's scary thinking about what could have happened, what may happen now, and the restrictions about to be forced upon you.

For me, it's been tough, but it's also been a blessing in disguise. I finally participated in my own recovery and I'm almost a year sober and almost done with all 12 steps in AA. I've truly changed who I was and isn't that the point in recovery? You see, the same me will drink again. Maybe this is true with you too?

...and it's ok to admit to wanting to drink beer (I don't know why that was even questioned on an alcoholic forum website). It's normal, but that obsession can be removed if you want it removed.

Let us know how we can help.

Kjell

Ghostly

Good luck Nikkle. Sounds like you're makin some good decisions now. I hope whatever happens with Court, that you can continue with your support system.

trish8850

Hi Nikkie. Please just remember that nothing in your life happens by mistake. God is running the show. At least that is what I believe. I can easily live in fear, sometimes I don't even know what it is I'm afraid of. That is my alcoholic mind taking over. Stay focused, ask God to stay with you at all times and ask him to remove your fear and replace it with faith. No matter what, you are going to be ok.........as long as you just don't drink! Just don't drink today at least. PLease update us on your court date. I will pray for God to embrace you and walk you through this with dignity and grace.