Blueprint for Self Destruction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1
Blueprint for Self Destruction
I'm obviously new here. I am posting here because I am read to undergo a recovery effort that will be monumentally difficult for myself and support from anyone, even if they are poster on a messageboard, will make a world of difference for me.
16 months ago, I finished school and got a great job opportunity at a very respectable company. Within the same month I had purchased a new car and my own apartment and really was just kicking life into high gear and becoming a successful adult. My girlfriend of half a year was very proud of me and so was my family and hers. The roadmap to children and white picket fences were there and it was the happiest I have ever been in my life. I allowed her to move into my apartment to test the waters to a higher degree before commiting myself in marriage.
Exceedingly, the job became more and more stressful. I was not a heavy drinker but I drank after work 3 or 4 days a week when needed. It did a great job of taking the edge off. The girlfriend understood and she was still proud of me. I was still performing extremely well at the office, enough to earn myself a promotion to a job that, you guessed it, brought on even more stress. right at the time of the promotion, the girlfriend had a loss in her family and this loss also blessed us with a house that was also owned by her mother that we would own to rent.
The house was a mess. I spent a good portion of my free time to renovate the house from bottom to top to make it a good place fore us to raise a family. The house also put me at about a 35 mile commute to my office.
Everything with the house was taking a toll on both of us. Money became a serious issue. Being on the same page for what our next step as a couple was became an issue. I began drinking ever day. I began getting home from my 35 mile commute by slamming 4 24 oz. beers every single day. I began hiding vodka in the bathroom cabinet so I could take a chug every time I took a **** and she wouldn't know. I turned myself into a person who wasn't me. I still managed to be successful in my workplace but I was visibly depressed outside of it. I wasn't sure if it was because I was ashamed of my dependence of alcohol or if I didn't love my girlfriend anymore.
Well 3 weeks ago I was forced to find the answer as my girlfriend left me because she was tired of seeing me sulking and self destructing. The 70 pounds I put on in less than a year from booze didn't help. It had been very apparent at this point that I was an alcoholic and mostly miserable. An alcoholic can only beg someone so many times not to abandon them before the other person throws in the flag, so she did.
I found out that I really did love her and my heart broke time and time again.
Now, without a place to go, I've begun building a room in my mother's basement via wall frames and drywall and all that jazz. I want this to be a new chapter for me. I want to be alone for awhile, defeat my burden to booze, make myself the happy person I was 2 years ago and find God.
I've lost something that is so dear to me because of my dependance on a substance and I refuse to let that become a trend.
16 months ago, I finished school and got a great job opportunity at a very respectable company. Within the same month I had purchased a new car and my own apartment and really was just kicking life into high gear and becoming a successful adult. My girlfriend of half a year was very proud of me and so was my family and hers. The roadmap to children and white picket fences were there and it was the happiest I have ever been in my life. I allowed her to move into my apartment to test the waters to a higher degree before commiting myself in marriage.
Exceedingly, the job became more and more stressful. I was not a heavy drinker but I drank after work 3 or 4 days a week when needed. It did a great job of taking the edge off. The girlfriend understood and she was still proud of me. I was still performing extremely well at the office, enough to earn myself a promotion to a job that, you guessed it, brought on even more stress. right at the time of the promotion, the girlfriend had a loss in her family and this loss also blessed us with a house that was also owned by her mother that we would own to rent.
The house was a mess. I spent a good portion of my free time to renovate the house from bottom to top to make it a good place fore us to raise a family. The house also put me at about a 35 mile commute to my office.
Everything with the house was taking a toll on both of us. Money became a serious issue. Being on the same page for what our next step as a couple was became an issue. I began drinking ever day. I began getting home from my 35 mile commute by slamming 4 24 oz. beers every single day. I began hiding vodka in the bathroom cabinet so I could take a chug every time I took a **** and she wouldn't know. I turned myself into a person who wasn't me. I still managed to be successful in my workplace but I was visibly depressed outside of it. I wasn't sure if it was because I was ashamed of my dependence of alcohol or if I didn't love my girlfriend anymore.
Well 3 weeks ago I was forced to find the answer as my girlfriend left me because she was tired of seeing me sulking and self destructing. The 70 pounds I put on in less than a year from booze didn't help. It had been very apparent at this point that I was an alcoholic and mostly miserable. An alcoholic can only beg someone so many times not to abandon them before the other person throws in the flag, so she did.
I found out that I really did love her and my heart broke time and time again.
Now, without a place to go, I've begun building a room in my mother's basement via wall frames and drywall and all that jazz. I want this to be a new chapter for me. I want to be alone for awhile, defeat my burden to booze, make myself the happy person I was 2 years ago and find God.
I've lost something that is so dear to me because of my dependance on a substance and I refuse to let that become a trend.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community.....
being aware of your problems....whatever they are
is a huge step in finding your way to a better future.
Thanks for joining with us..many of us are winning over alcohol.
being aware of your problems....whatever they are
is a huge step in finding your way to a better future.
Thanks for joining with us..many of us are winning over alcohol.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, DIM - I'm glad you've realized how alcohol has interfered with your life and that you want to get sober. Stay focused on your goal and take it a day at a time.
My life has changed for the better (an understatement, really) since I first posted here and got sober. Support is vital, so keep reading and posting!:ghug3
My life has changed for the better (an understatement, really) since I first posted here and got sober. Support is vital, so keep reading and posting!:ghug3
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Hi Dissolve,
Glad to have you here! Good that you decided to do something about your problem.
You can recover, and life can be good again. Look also into any options for support that you can have "in real life", and keep reading and posting. You'll find a lot of supportive people here and it sounds like you really want to make some positive changes.
Good luck, and all the best
LS
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 43
I can imagine living in you parents basement might be depressing but I think its the perfect situation right now. It will give u time to get your act together, relief from the money stress and also a support system in place. I think you put yourself in a positive situation, good luck man.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome Dissolve. I know where you are coming from. I'll just share one thing that has meant a lot to me and I take very serious.
"Whatever we put in front of sobriety, we'll lose". Meaning that, if you are an alcoholic like me the job, the girl, the house, etc... can not be truly achieved while being active in the disease. There was a point for me when money was literally no object, made tons of it. Little by little my disease crept in and took priority over the job. It has also taken priority over my family as well in the past.
Today, I have to work my program of recovery daily and my family knows this. I have taken a job that doesn't pay nearly what my other did but I am able to go to meetings and basically just stay on track. All of these things will allow me to grow into the man I want to be. I feel that if I do the right things and keep sobriety my number 1 priority everything else will fall into place.
Hang in there. We get better one day at a time. Best of luck to you!
"Whatever we put in front of sobriety, we'll lose". Meaning that, if you are an alcoholic like me the job, the girl, the house, etc... can not be truly achieved while being active in the disease. There was a point for me when money was literally no object, made tons of it. Little by little my disease crept in and took priority over the job. It has also taken priority over my family as well in the past.
Today, I have to work my program of recovery daily and my family knows this. I have taken a job that doesn't pay nearly what my other did but I am able to go to meetings and basically just stay on track. All of these things will allow me to grow into the man I want to be. I feel that if I do the right things and keep sobriety my number 1 priority everything else will fall into place.
Hang in there. We get better one day at a time. Best of luck to you!
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