michaelparker25

Hello everyone,

Let me introduce myself. My name is Michael parker, I am 25 years old from Denmark and scared shittless because I think I might have an alcohol problem.

I've read some of the posts of other fellow members on this board and I can tell by the responses that there are a lot of smart and experienced people present. It gives me hope to see that all clases are represented here and that good, whole hearted advise is availible for free - My graditute goes out for the ones that help others in need.

Let me tell you about myself briefly because I believe that this might give you some insight on what really is going on inside my head

I've been diagnosed with Pure-Obsessional OCD about 6 years ago. Since then I've been having compulsive thoughts about topics that frighten me personally on a very deep level

Let me give you some examples:

for 2 years I was obsessed with the thought that I might be homosexual. in the OCD circle they call it HOCD (H for Homosexual) I've spend 2 years of my life torn between the fear that I was gay. to cut a long story short, In the end it turned out to be an obsession and now I've moved to different obsessions in the meantime for example

- Fear of turning/being schizoprhenic
- Fear of getting a heart attack
- Fear of spontanious panic in public places and the list goes on and on (abotu 30 other fears)

In those obsessive episodes I really did believe that I was a schizoprhenic, or homosexual; you name it. It felt 100% real and It was always on my mind twisted with great anxiety which caused it to feel real to me.

Now you guessed it proably, I've been obsessed with possibly being or slowly turning into an alcoholic. as pathetic as it might sound reading about my past obsessions and making the direct link that it might just be another obsession; it feels real to me and it really makes me depressed.

The fear started about 4 months ago when I went through a time where I drank more alcohol than usual . One evening it occured to me that might want to obsess about it and there it was. In that period before the obsession hit I drank maybe a bottle of wine a day for about a week. Sometimes on weekend I'd go out with my friends and binge, maybe a half a bottle of vodka on one weekend. Since I am a student and its commonplace to do that I've never lost a tought about it.
Also for a lot of years I've never had a consistent drinking pattern, I'd drink whenever an occasion came up or I went to a party or the like.

Now I am so obsessed with drinking that I think about it almost every minute of the day. I feel a strong craving to drink but at the same time I know that it's just the fear of being an alcoholic that creates this craving.

Description of my current drinking patterns:

On average I drink a bottle a wine spread over the week. Usually when I get together with my girlfriend on weekends I would have a whole bottle in one session or half a bottle it depends. When I drink I drink a lot and then I would stop. Normaly I don't drink the day afterwards and inbetween I go a week or 2 without a drink at all, at least when I didn't used to be obsessed with being an alcoholic I didn't feel the urge to drink. Now that I have this obsession it feels like I need to drink every waking minute. Today I had half a bottle of red wine and I am panicing about it. The last time I drank half a bottle was last week. If feel like a tend is developing and I might be already an alcoholic because of those "cravings" and that I am just to scared to admitt it because I don't want to be an alcoholic.

My girlfriend tells me that It's just another obsession like all others and that because of the fear I feel the urge.

What do you think is really going on? Might I have an alcohol problem?

Please be honest

Thank you very much

Michael

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Here's a post from an OCD forum where I posted months ago when the obsession was strong. in the meantime the obsession has almost disappeared when I sparked it again with drinking more than usual.

Dear All,

Its been a long time for me since the last time I was here to ask for some advice. First of all about myself: I've had Pure obsessional OCD for about 6 years now and I've dealt with obsessions such as:


POCD
HOCD
Fear of becoming schizophrenic
Fear of having Agoraphobia
Fear of a million other things


Since a month or so I suddenly started to worry that I might have a problem with Alcohol dependence. Here's my reasoning.
I started drinking relatively late (22) before I never had a drink. My drinking basically started off when I went to college. Since then I've been drinking at parties, occasions which is mainly on weekends. When I drink I would consider myself a binge drinker (half a bottle of Vodka) one night a week. To be honest with you, I rarely go a weekend without drinks with my friends to the point where I get drunk. I have a pretty high tolerance for Alcohol; that is that I never pass out from it or Puke. Also, I am quite controlled and leveled when I drink (I don't get aggressive etc.) I just have a good time.

My worry started about a month ago when I started drinking alone at home after a days work. Since I am used to drinking a lot I watch a movie while drinking a whole bottle of wine. I did this a few times so far. I'd say about 10 times or so (referring to the drinking alone)

Suddenly I realized that I might have become addicted to drinking alcohol and I started obsessing about the possibility that I might be an alcoholic or an alcoholic in the making. I thought about if I could quit drinking all together but I feel that I won't be able to do so because I really enjoy drinking with my friends and even alone. I started looking up stories about alcoholics, symptoms of alcoholism etc. and I started to feel really bad about myself. The fact "once an alcoholic always and alcoholic" really scared me because similar with all my obsessions before it is something that you cannot reverse.

Suddenly I start craving alcohol all day and thinking about it many hours a day. Checking myself If I feel like a drink right now or when I wake up I try to imagine if I would like to have a drink "first thing in the morning" as an "eye-opener" as it is one of the symptoms of alcoholism.

My worries:

- I might be an alcoholic or one in the making if I continue like that
- That I might not be able to give it up at all or even go a weekend without it.
- I feel bad whenever I drink now
- When I see a bottle of wine or alc. adds I would feel "tempted" this would lead me to feel guilty.
- Fear that my parents will find out one time because my life would spiral out of control when I become an alcoholic.
- I wonder where the craving comes from and If it is possible for OCD to induce such a craving even though it is not real
- I constantly feel like I need to be drunk

Things that I've noticed:

- When I am distracted I seem not to feel the craving
- At night when I am sitting alone I the craving gets really intense
- even-tough I don't really feel like a drink my ocd makes me feel like I really need one

My question:

Have I moved into the "danger-zone" with my alcohol consumption. With other words, am I an alcoholic or will I become one if I continue like that?

What are your thoughts on this odd obsession, can it be an obsession, will it pass? what should I do?

I always go into extremes when I do things, specifically in consumption. When I smoke I smoke a lot, when I drink I drink a lot, when I eat I eat a lot.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Thomas UK

Maryjan

Thomas, I am no expert, but I know how scary these fears can be, and I know obsessional thinking. You will find support here, and you are welcome. I don't think I'm a full-blown alcoholic, but I am quitting (trying to quit--only sober 2 days!) anyway, because I will be happier that way. Maybe trying not to focus on the definition, but on how you want to live each day would help? You're looking for support, which sounds really healthy to me.

Dean62

It's up to you to decide if you are an alcoholic or not. It's not always black and white especially early on. Imagined or real isn't the most important factor. If you are concerned about it, you can get help.

Your welcome here at SR as well as AA or any form of help you choose to receive. The key to staying sober for us alcoholics is staying active in our recovery. The tools you will find in recovery for alcohol will help you with your OCD as well so give it a shot.

You don't have to be an alcoholic to benefit from the help that is offered here.

Hang around for a while, we do get better.

michaelparker25

Well, thanks for the quick posts. I do believe that anyone could benifit from the discipline some of your guys have here and I am planing to benifit from it too. I don't think that my drinking behaviour is destructive at this point I am doing well in my job, family and relationships and I do enjoy drinking too. What worries me is just that I drink more in one session than most people I know, or at least I think i do. I just need some good advice on what direction to take from here.

least

Welcome to the family! If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you just might be right. 'Normal' drinkers don't question their drinking, it's not an issue. I hope you can find some peace of mind. Living sober is so rewarding.

Also, if you stop drinking now it can't be a problem in the future.

reggiewayne

Hi Michael. Glad your here. All I will say is there is only one thing that you are obsessing about that can actually lead to chemical dependantcy, and that thing is alcohol. I would imagine it's tough to decipher since you have issues with obsession. Like others have said, and will say, only you can make the determination if you are alcoholic.

I do know this, exposure to the drug is what cultivates the addiction. The more you and I are exposed to alcohol the more likely we are to become addicted. Having said that, it doesn't mean that drinking a bottle of wine automatically means you're an alcoholic. I am simply saying the more we drink it the greater the chances.

Don't know if that helps. Take care and best of luck to you!

Anna

Hi Michael,

Welcome!

Obsession is a part of addiction, a part of alcoholism. Without the obession, I don't think any of us would become addicted. As others have said, it's up to you to decide whether you're an alcoholic or not. For me, I had to stop drinking in order to stop the obsessive thoughts.

Dee74

Hi Michael

Welcome

Heavy drinking is no good for anyone, regardless of whether you're an alcoholic or an OCD who obsesses about alcohol, so it's good to have you with us, and good to see you're thinking about things.

If you haven't seen a Dr or a therapist about this yet, it might be time. Alcohol is a dangerous thing to obsess about.

D

Ghostly

Hey Michael,

I can't say if you're an alcoholic. Sounds like you have some things goin on with the potential obsessive behavior. I think you will need to deal with that either way to have success to control your drinking, if that is what you decide you want to do. To echo Dee, see someone. If you decide you want to stop you will find support here.

LaFemme

Hen Michael!

My family is Danish...and for a Dane you don't sound like a heavy drinker to me. However, you do have a lot going on and since alcoholism is progressive maybe you should quit for 6 months...see how it goes? I know one thing for certain about alcohol....giving up the Tuborg for awhile wont hurt you.

Xoxo, LaFemme

Glædlig Jul!

CarolD

Welcome....

I have no experience with your medical condition
however...what is drinking doing for you
that not drinking will not provide?

I've met many people who quit drinking for various reasons
not all of them were alcohoics..

Alcohol is a toxic liquid that alters your brain chemistry.

http://chemcases.com/alcohol/alc-07.htm

Hope this helps

NEOMARXIST

Hi there. What I can say is that my recovery program that I live my life by as an alcoholic certainly helps my mental health massively and allows me to keep my head above water. Whilst I have never been diagnosed directly with OCD, I certainly know that I have many tendencies and my thinking can get stuck in loops. However I have a tendency to ovethink stuff and again my recovery program helps me with this. Also I never sought help really and just got on with it.

I found drinking to be an amazing "escape" from my head and my unwanted thoughts but ultimately it just made them worse and took me down lower and lower. Ultimately I'm an alkie too so it's difficult to separate my alcoholism from my mental health not related to my alcoholism - it all sort of fed off each other because ultimately anxiety and depression would make me look to take a drink to block it out, thus my addict mind would get it's fix.

Basically I had to get sober until I could manage my mental health and keep a nice even balance. I'm an alcoholic and addict though. My mental health did nearly lead me to kill myself though and I didn't want to address stuff as it was so hard to contemplate, so i just blocked it out with more booze and drugs. I remember lying awake in a police cell and thinking maybe it would be better to just address stuff? Took me another 2 years at least of continuing to go downhill and hit my personal bottom where the only way was up. I was 9 months sober and solid in recovery when I felt ready to start addressing stuff that I knew had to be addressed and referred myself on NHS.

All The Best

NYCDoglvr

I suggest reading posts and trying to identify with alcoholics ...