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Old 12-23-2010, 08:47 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Quit if you can. If you can't at least swear of the wine. That stuff is the demise of a lot of people. It isn't very filling and is pretty potent. There's some sparking juice in the juice section and some cranberry ginerale in the soda aisle that both taste as good as wine without the alcohol. We're here for you. Keep coming here and reading others posts. It really will help you. Congrats for being here!
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Old 12-23-2010, 06:00 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi MaryJan -

Welcome. For me, I found it quite helpful to look at my alcoholism as an allergy.

Much like some people have a bad reaction from eating peanuts, I get a similar bad reaction from drinking alcohol. I was likely born with this allergy (yes, we have alcoholism in my family tree) and so it isn't my fault that I have the allergy.

So with this allergy, when I drink alcohol, it has a different effect on me than on my peers who are not alcoholics (normies). There is something different about my brain and body chemistry that makes alcohol work differently for me.

When normies have two drinks and start to feel uncomfortable, I am just getting going. That's the physical part of the allergy.

But alcohol is cunning and powerful. It is a double whammy -- it has a psychological part of this allergy (unlike peanuts).

When a normy is going through a painful situation, they choose to do it without a drug/alcohol to get real personal growth. For me, I want to just ignore it by using alcohol to block it out. I let my fear, anxiety, anger, self-pity all justify to me why I deserve a drink. And thus, the cycle continues.

We think we drink because we are depressed, but I now feel that I was depressed because I drank.

So, how do we deal with this physical and psychological allergy? We ask for help. We actively work a program of recovery (AA, SMART, others). We post on SR. We help others.

Since our best thinking got us here, we decide to listen and watch others who have been successful -- as they must have something that we can learn from.

I am almost 2 years sober but I still remember those early days. I too have kids and am a high(er) bottom drunk so I know where you are coming from. Thanks for your post. Keep coming back.
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Old 12-24-2010, 05:20 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Hi Maryjan and welcome to the board!
Please set down your recriminations and walk on. I remember the day I stopped drinking. I felt terrible, sick, ashamed, hungover, and low-spirited... possibly one of the lowest points of my life. But ironically, as low as I felt, deep down there was every reason to be happy -- I had laid the demon to rest. As someone wisely suggested here, giving up alcohol often requires a change in attitude toward alcohol. You have to want to give it up more than you want to have it. Once I started perceiving alcohol not as the elixir of youth and happiness (as in happy hour!) but an agent of physical and social destruction, it became easier to stop it. Good luck and have a great new year.
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Old 12-24-2010, 05:30 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LaFemme View Post
Hey Maryjane and welcome!

I was raised to believe that a normal part of adulthood was to drink wine every night with dinner. It helped me justify my drinking for a long time.


Not meaning to split hairs, but respectfully for some cultures it IS normal to drink wine every night at dinner. (I've even witnessed a mother allowing her 7 year old son have a thimble full).

The difference is education and raising people/children to understand that alcohol should be an "accompaniment" to a gastro experience - not a means to an end.

It is our hedonistic addictive personalities that allow the demon to enter.
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Old 12-24-2010, 06:57 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Thank you all so very much. I started reading the Big Book last night, and ver much relate to the allergy concept. I have always blacked out, and I don't ever want that to happen again. It will if I have another glass of wine (eventually). Probably not the first night or the first weeks, even. But it will happen, and I don't want the wine enough. (today...and I hope that SR and AA and my sweet kids can get me past the day when I do want wine enough.)

New me, would you check in with me...your thoughts are inspiring.
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Old 12-24-2010, 08:19 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I came here and posted in shame the day after my black out. I liked to drink a few with my husband as well, and black outs were a very rare thing for most of my 28 years of drinking.

During a black out I ended up naked in a hot tub with three men, one of which was my husband, fooling around. I don't remember any of this, my then 22 year old daughter was the one to relate the tale the next day. The shame was so complete I couldn't imagine ever crawling out

The good news is, I have forgiven myself and have an outstanding relationship with my daughter. I used SR for the first 10 months of sobriety, and then went and fell in love with AA. I have not had the urge to drink since that day, very nearly 2 years ago.

My husband kept drinking and died in august as a direct result of being drunk.

To quit now is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and your family. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it gets worse never better.

blessings to you on this journey, I am glad you found your way here
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Old 12-24-2010, 08:39 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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It truly is an allergy of the body, and an obsession of the mind - when I drank, I needed to keep drinking until the passout.

I am glad you are on a good path, now.

Kelly
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Old 12-24-2010, 08:50 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Hi Gypsy, Nice to hear from you... Alcoholism does bring us sad days... but it seems you are leaving them behind. Thanx for posting...
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Old 12-28-2010, 09:17 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hi Maryjan. How are you doing?
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Old 12-28-2010, 09:24 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Thanks so much for asking. I am sober and feeling good. I will be home for the holidays on Thurs and plan to go to my first meeting. Wish me luck...
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Old 12-29-2010, 06:36 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Maryjan View Post
Thank you all so very much. I started reading the Big Book last night, and ver much relate to the allergy concept. I have always blacked out, and I don't ever want that to happen again. It will if I have another glass of wine (eventually). Probably not the first night or the first weeks, even. But it will happen, and I don't want the wine enough. (today...and I hope that SR and AA and my sweet kids can get me past the day when I do want wine enough.)

New me, would you check in with me...your thoughts are inspiring.
I am glad to see you found interest in finding the information in the book that came to mind. That it isn't how much those like us drink, but what the drink can do to us. What others drink, whether it is wine, or if it is considered normal, is rather moot, if it doesn't seem to result in positive benefits for us, isn't it?

And I applaud you on adding AA to your recovery, something I don't think I could have done without. I don't think I could ever have remained sober relying solely on online support. No way at all. Kudos to those who have done it. Up to now anyway. But I am interested in 'staying' sober. And God and the fellowship of AA has been my lifeline since 1987.

Keep going to the meetings, keep reading the big book, get yourself a temp sponsor if you haven't done so already, and use online support as a supplementary support.

My best to you and your family. If this worked for me and my family, I know it can work for you.

It doesn't have to be 'sad' any more.
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Old 12-29-2010, 08:02 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Hi MJ and a big welcome to SR!!!

I grew up in a family that drinking just seemed a normal thing to do....So I in turn did the same.....I don't blame my family for my drinking, they just set it up in away for me to think that's what people did.....
You can start today by showing your kids a new life...one where they can grow up without alcohol around.....it would be good for you and for your kids.. xoxo
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