Day 1
 

Well here I am again. I quit drinking 4 months ago for about 4 months and felt great. It all started with one drink and I rapidly fell right back to where I was before. The only difference is that instead of Vodka I was drinking wine. I am a heavy binge drinker and will down 4 glasses of wine in 5 mintues and then continue drinking for days. I am able to stop when I am at work but as soon as I get home, until the time I go to bed I drink. I have convinced myself that I need it to be more confident, attractive, funny, outgoing, etc. I black out often. I feel so hopeless and in despair. I know I must quit. I was convinced all day yesterday that it was the last day. Then I pick up my son at daycare and I am told it is his holiday party which I forgot about. I went home and downed 4 glasses of wine. This was the bottle that I was going to throw out but instead I couldn't let it go to waste. Then after the party came home and finished another bottle of wine that was open. It had about 3/4 left. Again this was so I could get rid of it without wasting it. My house is now alcohol free. I can't keep living like this. I need help and I need encouragement to get through this and start living a sober life.

I hope you find recovery
 

Trying not to sound judgmental (because I of all people have no moral high ground here) but please try not to drink around your children, or drive after drinking 4 glasses of wine. The results could be horrific.

Good luck and stay strong.

You are right and I don't think you are being judgemental. I joined this site today because I need encouragement from others to help me quit. I need people to be candid with me because no one around me knows the extent of my problem and I need people I don't know to be honest with me and help me through this. Thanks for the feedback.

Glad you're not offended
 

Hang in there!

its hard. I know. I have been there.

Personally for me, success came from changing my routine.

I always sat in the same chair with a drink at the same time.

However, when stopping I would go to bed with a hot chocolate or sit somewhere else with a diet coke. I just wanted to break the habit. Not sat in the same place drinking.

I hope this is a bit helpful to you

xx

Mental obsession... inability to stop once I started. Those sound like me.
I tried everything.
Nothing worked except AA .
It's worked for me.
It's worked for millions who were like you.

I think you know what I'd recommend you try.

You don't have to live like that any more. Keep coming back. Maybe this is the time for you, your moment of clarity. God's grace is sometimes giving you the ability to see what you have not previously been able to.

Welcome to our recovery community....:wave:

I moved your post out so more members will see it
and reply to your situation.

Glad to know you are off to a fresh start.
Day 1 is way better than Day Zero...:yup:

Welcome!

I'm glad that you recognize how serious your situation is.

There is lots of support here.

I relate to your post. Used to be beer..but way too filling..why not beer enhanced with shots. Then wine because it didn't seem as potent as whiskey (in my case)..then all of the sudden bring it on...I was drinking all of it!! I too hold down a good job..but right after work it was time to drink.

"I feel so hopeless and in despair. I know I must quit."This is the part of your post that grabbed me...this my dear..could be your moment of clarity. If you can somehow get it in your head that drinking is no longer an option..and change up your routine like Sasha said..you could be on your way. I don't do AA..but Carol and others have me convinced that it will enhance your sobriety! If you have a hard time on your own..give it a shot. I find this site to be my lifesaver..Read and post often. Welcome Babyface!!!

Hi Babyface - you had some good sober time, which shows how serious you are about this. Relapse can happen to any of us so don't feel that all is lost. It's a bump in the road which you can use for motivation.

Sometimes we need to be reminded just how powerful this disease is. After relapsing the third time, I started getting scared and it turned out to be a blessing because I couldn't explain it away with circumstances anymore. I was going to drink unless I tended to my recovery. It's not a chore - infact I enjoy spending time here everyday (don't have to get dressed or go out in the weather, and even if I'm not feeling well, I can still come here and remind myself why this is a life/death disease).

One day at a time, ya know? Give yourself a hug and start back on the positive road.

Hi babyface :)
Welcome to SR!

As you've already seen you'll get a lot of encouragement and support here.
Hope to see you around some more :)

D

Welcome to SR!:hug: I've been sober for a year now and I gotta tell ya - it rocks!!:)

Welcome! I am glad you are recognizing your problem. You will find so much support here.

Hi Babyface, I can relate! I joined last year and the longest I went was 75 days. I relapsed; I put a new relationship before doing my work properly that I need to do. Both my sobriety and my relationship fizzled out (big surprise!)

Now I am sober again (Day 2) and feel re-committed. Am a Mom and I need to be present for my son. It is his LIFE that is at stake. Is a glass of wine more important than my own son? Heck no, and it makes me sick just to even ask myself that rhetorical question. So the answer, for me, is crystal clear.

It will not be easy at first but WE CAN DO IT!!!

Hugs,
Soph:ring:

Thank you so much for all of the support and encouragement. Today is day 2 and I feel so much better than I did yesterday. I know this is going to be a huge struggle but I feel that my heart is in the right place. I am going to keep comng back here because it helps to know that I am not alone and instead of sitting down to have a drink or 10, I will come on this site and hopefully make the changes that I need to.

Being a mom is hard enough sober -- it is the hardest job in the world! When I added alcohol to it, it was miserable. I didn't have time for my baby, I resented her, I thought she was 'getting in the way'. But she's just a little baby!

I posted earlier here about this phenomenon of children -- they demand that you be your best. And the best way to really be good to them is to be good to yourself. So it is a double blessing. I never had enough 'self-love' to care for myself, but now, by needing me to be my best, my daughter gives me the reason to take care of myself. Does this makes sense? It is like she gives the care back to me.

And this means sobriety. She is giving me sobriety.

oh yes this makes sense!
you put it into words, i had to be sober to be able to raise my children.
and the only way to do that was to get out of that despair.
welcome bluebell, and stick around a while.
:grouphug: