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Old 12-21-2010, 02:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Darn it!!!!


Ack!!! Well boys and girls, Leo has fallen down. Man, I can't believe I slipped up after having such a looong time. What, I was on like day #110.

Geez - This isn't a good time of year with all the craziness and stresses. No excuses here - no reason is good enough to pick it back up. Luckily I didn't get drunk.

I caved in at the store and bought a 24oz can of my favorite, drove around and pondered what should I do. Popped the top, smelled the smell, took the drink and figured why not? Crapolla - I didn't realize how easy it is to just say 'screw it'. Even when I'm sitting there hearing that sober voice tell me to just throw it away asap. Sooo - I downed a two cans and now here I go again starting on day #1. I think it's only fair.

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Old 12-21-2010, 03:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Dont worry about it Leo. I just l o v e your positive attitude, today is anotherday JJ
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Ah, what a pity you have to start counting all over again after 110 days. But what a marvellous achievement that you faced up to what happened and immediately responded to in a positive way. No "stinking thinking" that I can detect. Keep strong, my friend. We're with you in the struggle.
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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thx guys - I think it might have been that stinkin thinking and my stress during these holidays that got me into this mess. I guess there are some soft spots in Leos armor after all, eh?

I'm very thankful that I have the ability these days to feel guilty about it. I'm thankful that I have had a learning experience as well. It's amazing though that oh how quickly little cravings and thoughts can sneak in so quickly, trying to tear me apart and bring me back to those dark shadow-filled days. Now, it's time to fight back.

I always had related this to a fight - i get my jabs in and it tries to fight back. I dunno when I'll get that knock out blow, but I surely did submit myself and opened myself up.

Darn it!!
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you fell Leo but you got right back up.

For me the knockout blow was always when I decided to buy that beer - I was lost in that moment...popping the top, smelling the smell, taking the drink and figuring why not was always the inevitable follow through.

Those moments never came out of nowhere tho - although once I would have sworn they did. Sounds like you had a storm brewing for a while too?

If stress is a trigger for you, have you any ideas on how to combat that Leo?
D
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 12-21-2010, 04:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Leo I am sad to hear but am so glad you picked right up and are here. I was just sharing in another thread about my relapse. I picked up from it, focused on recovery 100% and came back stronger and better then ever. Lots of work but I amped up support and taking it day by day was tremendous for me.

You can do it and make this time forever! You got this!
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Old 12-21-2010, 04:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I think I'd consider it day 111 out of 112 instead of #1 all over again, but I'm new to this. I don't think I've had 110 sober days in a row since I was 14 years old. You deserve credit for those 110 days.
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Old 12-21-2010, 10:58 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Leo,
You have such a positive attitude. I'm impressed that you stopped so quickly. We're all human. We all make mistakes. It's too much of a burden to have to be invincible.

Winter solstice is actually a cool Day 1. With each new day, a little more light.

I agree with Dee. It might help to work on what triggered the decisions to buy and drink alcohol.

And you still have 110 sober days. That's a lot of experience of how to be sober.

The holidays have been rough for me too around sobriety. Much harder than I expected. Took me by surprise.

Take care!
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Old 12-21-2010, 11:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Glad you are getting back quickly to sober living
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Old 12-21-2010, 11:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You can do it again, you have over 100 days of success to prove you are capable of doing it.
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:50 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hey Leo! Doesn't sound so bad to flexible...you stopped very quickly and got right back in the saddle. Yes figure out what happened but don't beat yourself up over it. Don't know if it will help but have you ever tried the trick of associating the smells with negative experiences? The only reason I ask is because sometimes someone will sit next to me on the train with a beer and the smell wiwll literally make me ill. Just thinking of popping the top and smelling a beer makes me go ewes. Just a thought....its a helpful tool for me
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Old 12-22-2010, 05:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Leo, its what we do. If everyone got "It" on the first try there would be no problems. Good luck and Happy Holidays.
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