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Day 1 again!

Old 12-21-2010, 03:07 AM
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Day 1 again!

Well I just caved in on Sunday and yesterday. Was very demoralized indeed and seemed to be fixating on alcohol more and more, even in my dreams. I figured I would have a blow out on my terms and did. Well i am not feeling very well but at least I dont have the guilt that I expected I would get. So onward I go on a new start sober.
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:13 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that Eddie.
I had that fixation too many times - it's a natural part of sobriety for many of us, I think.

How are you gonna handle it next time?
what are you going to add to your programme now to make sure you beat this next time?

I know you feel battered and bruised right now but now's the time to think about these things mate - this can be your last day one - if you want it to be

D
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:53 AM
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Hang in there Eddie.
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Old 12-21-2010, 04:32 AM
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Oh man my heart sank when I read the title.

Was it how you thought it would be?
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Old 12-21-2010, 04:45 AM
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I think you were reaching out..It is all a mind game. I think I read something of your thinking of drinking again. I relapsed once. I am thankful to be back on track. I think I move forward due to my belief that second and third chances are not always there. I managed to quit again. Some people go out drinking after a period of sobriety..and they can't seem to get back the desire to be sober again. Hang in there..I do think that sometimes it is a stepping stone back to a firm sobriety if that is what you want. Have a good day Eddie..
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Old 12-21-2010, 06:25 AM
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I'd suggest doing something different this time to ensure you don't slip again. I did too many times, but finally, as CarolD says, I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
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Old 12-21-2010, 06:30 AM
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Good to know you stopped so quickly...
Welcome back to sober living and SR.
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Old 12-21-2010, 06:37 AM
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Hey Eddie. I know for me that it's important to spot my alkie thinking if it starts rearing it's head. Cynicism, hopelessness, demoralisation, resentment, ungratefulness are often precursors to the solution of getting wasted.

I guess ultimately you can only recover if you stick it out and don't take that first drink. I know for me that 1 drink would mean I was back in the game again and it would be hard to not just end up getting wrecked again every available situation. I know you started to get demoralised with AA but remember how insidious the alkie mind is. It really helped me knowing that depression and the alcoholic emotions like resentment or cynicism or whatever were ultimately just my alkie mind trying to get me to take that first drink again. Once I knew that then it really helped me to reach out and stop myself thinking in ways which would make getting wrecked seem like the only solution.

Knowing that alcoholism ultimately is a 'thinking' problem and not a drinking problem really helped and continues to help me. I know that when I'm grateful then all of the good stuff stems from that gratitude but ultimately I had to work through all of the crap to get to the good stuff.

All The Best
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Old 12-21-2010, 09:50 AM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
Knowing that alcoholism ultimately is a 'thinking' problem and not a drinking problem really helped and continues to help me.
That rings true for me. Drugs like alcohol eventually hijack the brain. Bending ones thoughts and actions towards continued addiction. A good recovery plan with support can change all that. Keep going forward in recovery and sobriety will happen.
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Old 12-21-2010, 10:49 AM
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I really dont know what im going to do differently this time Dee. Continue going to aa meetings for one. I will have to learn how to live again the same way you would almost have to start a new life as a different person. I dont know how but they are the odds.
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Old 12-21-2010, 02:14 PM
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Have you got a sponsor Eddie, or someone @ the meetings you can talk to about these alcohol obsessions that lead you back to drinking?

D
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:02 PM
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Eddie, I am sorry to hear but am glad you are back here!

Look, you need to work your support 100% and if you find that things aren't improving then add to it.....like D said...what about a sponsor?

You are very true in that recovery is starting life all over again. Relearning everything in a new positive light is what I had to do. I did it day by day and worked very hard.

I too had a relapse and I found that just half committing to recovery wasn't working. I may have been sober prior to but I too thought about drinking and it was only a matter of time.

I came back strong and was focused soley on my recovery. I reached out before a potential slip, I came here and shared and read through the posts to keep me on task and I made use of my face to face support.

You can do it Eddie so lets get this going!
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:06 PM
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It happens easily. You get a phonecall to go drinking. You refuse. Then you get 3 or 4 engagements over christmas thats going to involve alcohol. Then something stressful happens in your life like a flu on top of another setback. Then you just give in, on your terms. I dont like confrontation. I find it boaring having to explain myself to people about not drinking. Hey im weak, thats the bottom line
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:17 PM
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I don't think any of us is weak - but as long as there's an excuse to make drinking viable, most of us would take it...until we learned better ways to deal with stuff.

My addictions took me down to some pretty dark and dangerous places before I decided nothing was more important than staying sober.

I'm not trying to paint you into a corner Eddie, but be smarter than I was, man.

Don't let it take you down too far...don't just do the same things over - do something different this time.

D
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