Give it time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Give it time...
I feel that one of the most difficult things about sobriety is that ultimately to see and feel the many benefits then this takes time. In actual fact the way I look at my recovery is that it is a never ending process 'one day at a time'. I always say that I'm a daily work in progress; some days I have to be just content with going to bed sober, afterall I know that in itself is a huge accomplishment for an alcoholic.
This has enabled me to be able to gradually build my life and self back up. It's difficult for non-alcoholics or addicts to understand how much time is actually needed to heal and regain self-confidence and self-love. This isn't a linear increase either so somedays I will feel like I have made real progress only for the next day to feel much less self-confident or have other stuff knocking around my head. I have stopped giving myself such a hard time now though, I have realised that nobody else was but rather I was creating pressure on myself and it just made what I was striving for less likely anyway.
I remember last Christmas period and I made the decision to just 'get my head down' and plough through it staying sober at all costs. It's my birthday too and NYE. I am grateful that I ploughed through it and remained sober and I have been rewarded this year for making the necessary sacrifices. I remember describing my mood as 'black' last Christmas for about 8 days, particularly from about Christmas eve to 31st Jan. Then when the clock struck midnight and it was 1st Jan I was so full of gratitude for staying sober and felt such great hope. For me taking a drink cannot be an option as I was sick of feeling sad and so deeply unhappy and destroying my mind, life and those who love me.
It's a really strange experience going out to all of the places I used to go out to a few years ago as I never, ever went out anywhere without being drunk and then getting obliterated. I actually notice things now like wallpaper and ceilings and general decorations or carpets etcetc. I never used to notice anything really outside of my 'tunnel vision' and I was so deep into the madness on nights out chasing that buzz. It's so nice to actually go to the toilets just to urinate! So simple and easy!! No casing the joint for decent surfaces to rack up lines, and quickly enough to not get busted by security! ha-ha.
Recovery sure does take time unlike booze and drugs. Also my mindset in active alcoholism was one of not wanting to feel at a nice level balance, when I was out I wanted to be building on gaining that ultimate buzz and also running away from myself and my reflection. The heartbreaking thing for me was when booze stopped working and I just hated myself more and this is when my moods and behaviour became very dark in my drinking. I would drink more and more but the self-hatred just got stronger and stronger and I became somebody to be avoided.
It's nice to look at myself in the mirror now at midnight and not despise the person looking back and to not have a bright-red blotchy face and glazed eyes.
It takes time to heal and it's a never ending journey of growth but it's so worth it. I used to hate the saying of "it keeps getting better" but it's true, if you give it time, make the necessary life changes/sacrifices and work on it then you can be so much happier than stuck in active alcoholism.
'One day at a time'
Peace
This has enabled me to be able to gradually build my life and self back up. It's difficult for non-alcoholics or addicts to understand how much time is actually needed to heal and regain self-confidence and self-love. This isn't a linear increase either so somedays I will feel like I have made real progress only for the next day to feel much less self-confident or have other stuff knocking around my head. I have stopped giving myself such a hard time now though, I have realised that nobody else was but rather I was creating pressure on myself and it just made what I was striving for less likely anyway.
I remember last Christmas period and I made the decision to just 'get my head down' and plough through it staying sober at all costs. It's my birthday too and NYE. I am grateful that I ploughed through it and remained sober and I have been rewarded this year for making the necessary sacrifices. I remember describing my mood as 'black' last Christmas for about 8 days, particularly from about Christmas eve to 31st Jan. Then when the clock struck midnight and it was 1st Jan I was so full of gratitude for staying sober and felt such great hope. For me taking a drink cannot be an option as I was sick of feeling sad and so deeply unhappy and destroying my mind, life and those who love me.
It's a really strange experience going out to all of the places I used to go out to a few years ago as I never, ever went out anywhere without being drunk and then getting obliterated. I actually notice things now like wallpaper and ceilings and general decorations or carpets etcetc. I never used to notice anything really outside of my 'tunnel vision' and I was so deep into the madness on nights out chasing that buzz. It's so nice to actually go to the toilets just to urinate! So simple and easy!! No casing the joint for decent surfaces to rack up lines, and quickly enough to not get busted by security! ha-ha.
Recovery sure does take time unlike booze and drugs. Also my mindset in active alcoholism was one of not wanting to feel at a nice level balance, when I was out I wanted to be building on gaining that ultimate buzz and also running away from myself and my reflection. The heartbreaking thing for me was when booze stopped working and I just hated myself more and this is when my moods and behaviour became very dark in my drinking. I would drink more and more but the self-hatred just got stronger and stronger and I became somebody to be avoided.
It's nice to look at myself in the mirror now at midnight and not despise the person looking back and to not have a bright-red blotchy face and glazed eyes.
It takes time to heal and it's a never ending journey of growth but it's so worth it. I used to hate the saying of "it keeps getting better" but it's true, if you give it time, make the necessary life changes/sacrifices and work on it then you can be so much happier than stuck in active alcoholism.
'One day at a time'
Peace
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
I hope you're keeping all of these thoughts. You need to write a book.
Excellent post. Sobriety is just an individual journey. What will drive one person over the edge, another will relish.
Sometimes you do just 'get through'. And that's okay.
Excellent post. Sobriety is just an individual journey. What will drive one person over the edge, another will relish.
Sometimes you do just 'get through'. And that's okay.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Great post! I'm on day 4 and so used to wanting things to happen quickly. I guess I'm not really patient with that stuff so these past days I have really just been telling myself to only focus on today and so far just taking one day at a time seems to really be working.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Just had to grin when you talked about noticing the wallpaper! But how true..... While drinking, it always felt like the world was intruding on me whereas now I can let things in a bit more.
Thanks for another great post!
Thanks for another great post!
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