mygrandfather

Greetings folks,

where to begin? 41, white collar professional, single man (a long term relationship ended back in March), independent, not rich but doing ok.

Years of occasional binges seem to be catching up with me. The latest was last night at the--you guessed it--office holiday party. I blacked out. I'm not even sure if I made a fool of myself, I can't remember. I sobered up best I could and rode my bike home somewhere around 3a.m. Even while typing this it seems unbelievable, how could I let this happen, again? Only now am I able to move around my apt, I've been comatose all day. What a waste. I feel like a punching bag.

I've been a visitor to these boards a few time but now I really feel the need to talk not just read. Some of you already responded to my posts..thank you. It's really amazing that there are people like you out there.

I will pick up again and see what I can do but I think I cannot do this alone. My ex will visit town on Monday and she agreed to help me look for some options. Honestly I don't know if I can do it. A dinner tonight and a holiday party tomorrow, I'm petrified that I'll just find reasons to go back to "just a few".

flutter

Welcome!! Glad you made it home safely. I used to wonder too, "how could I let this happen, again?".. often. You do not have to live like this, and you never have to go through how you're feeling now, again.

Dime

Welcome to SR!
Your right very few of us can do this alone. I couldn't stay sober without help. Having a plan and a recovery program improves the odds tremendously.

onetime

Im new to this as well.Im hoping to come to this site when im feeling like drinking, or just at home alone when all my friends are out at a bar. I don't know how many times ive been stumbling around my house after getting home, and just wanting to fall asleep thinking, "wow i am so f'd up right now". I got my holiday party coming up tomorrow and i am purposely starting my "no drinking" today because i want to challenge myself right off the bat. But anyways good luck with your sobriety, i hope in 6 months we can both look back at this and say, "thank you!"

CarolD

Eventually I too became a blackout drinker....and kept
on that miserable path for years...
Heck I thought all drinkers blacked out.

Quitting and committing to AA was the wisest move
I ever made...

Welcome to our recovery community ..

least

Welcome to the family! You'll find a lot of support and good information here. Read and post all you like. And do come here if you have the urge to drink. We'll do our best to try to persuade you to stay sober.

I gave it up for good a year ago and haven't been so happy in a long time.

oakleaf82

Hello. Newbie here as well. Coming here really helped me stay sober last night, because I felt accountable to everyone here. Good luck!

mygrandfather

wow, thanks everyone and to my fellow newbies, let's try ok?

Dee74

Hi again my grandfather

I remember the waking up and remembering the night before was bad but not knowing exactly why. Blech.

I absolutely agree noone does this alone - support is vital.

Here's some links to some of the main recovery players - you may find something useful here to follow up

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

Dee74

Hey onetime

SR has been a great tool in my recovery, but IMO SR works best when you use it regularly, not just when you're in trouble.

Changing lifestyles is a big project - I underestimated the job for years...
I wanted to live my life as it was, but just not drink (which was impossible because drinking permeated every facet of my life as it was), or just not drink as much (which was also impossible because I had no control over my drinking)

D

Hevyn

Welcome mygrandfather, oakleaf & onetime! It's fabulous you've found your way to us. This is a good time of year to take a look at what we're doing to ourselves. It was 3 yrs. ago this month that I had my final binge, after a lifetime of drinking. I was completely out of control and headed for tragedy when I found SR.

I hope you will tell us more about yourselves, and stay here to share your journey. It is not easy, but neither is out of control drinking. Here's to the brand new year coming up - bringing hope and brighter days for you all.

JoeCree

truer words could not have been written - I suggest all newcomers heed this advice.

Untoxicated

Welcome to the family mygrandfather.

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I had many mornings like you've described when I wasn't quite sure what happened, but I doubted that any of it was good. And, I had many wasted days, too. Please know that you are not alone in this. We're a family here and we do understand.

GreenAces

My drinking problem progressed to the point that everytime I drank it would always lead to a black out... Which meant there really wasn't one night out of my last year before the first time I gave AA a go that I didn't experience a blackout.. And yep... That means that I had plenty of stories that I got to listen to the next days about what the hell I ended up doing.. Who I had ended up hurting, and so on and so forth... And ofcourse with my selfishness that didn't stop me.. Nope, not until I started to feel suicidal everytime I drank did it start to scare me.. Because this time I was hurting myself.. I didn't care if I was hurting you but if I was going to kill myself.. Thats a problem.. PSH!!

But anyways, it's good that you realize that you have a problem.. or atleast may have one.. It's also good that you realize that you probably can't do this alone.. I know I can't do this alone!! I need a family to understand who I am, I need a whole meeting of people to listen to and share with, I need a sponsor to keep me in check.. A God to keep me serene, and new recovering alcoholics to help me poor some of my experience, strength, and hope in to!

Thanks for you post, and I'm glad you're here... You have helped me in someways believe it or not.

Welcome!

artsoul

Welcome MG - it made a huge difference when I starting posting (instead of just reading). I'm glad you decided to jump in and join us. I know I couldn't stay sober without support.

Blackouts are scary. I'm glad you got home OK.

Ghostly

Welcome to SR grand! You reaching out is a great early step. Take advantage of SR, and / or the link to other resources. F2F meetings help a lot of people. Good luck and keep us posted. Consider skipping some of these get togethers for now if you can.

mygrandfather

Ok, here I am in bed, 9 p.m. and I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else right now. A friend from out of town is visiting so it was dinner with a few other folks....at a bar. The good news is that I had water, and only water. But I am reminded again how tough it can be to be the odd man out, I don't think people mean to try and be pushy but there is a kind of "oh come on, just one" type of thing that happens. So I stayed for a bit and then said goodnight to everyone. A party tomorrow is the next hurdle. Ghostly, I definitely appreciate the advice and there are some situations that I will skip.

My ex has been great and we were texting a lot today. Funny, she says I'm being more open and honest than I ever was before. I think talking to her and perhaps to a professional will be good. It just seems so scary to me.

Believe it or not I was thinking about the SR board while at dinner, how good it would feel to say I made it through this night.

Ghostly

Nice job! Good to hear from you.

Hevyn

What wonderful news mygrandfather. You can do this. It will become easier and less awkward as you go along. You'll begin to feel very happy to be the odd man out - no hangover, no wondering what you said or did the night before.