NEOMARXIST

Initially when the booze is given up there is often a feeling of resentment that you're unable to drink booze yet others can and do. There is also a massive feeling that you're in some way missing out and that the 'good times' are over. But often the 'good times' were long since over and the only person at the party was you. You appear to all who witness you a shambolic wreck who is wasting his talent and destroying himself without directly realising it, but rather thinking that he is living fast and embracing life by consuming massive amounts of booze and drugs.

I feel that I have really hit the next level of my recovery over this past week. Last night I was out and was talking to many of my old mates, many of whom I haven't seen for years now. It was good to see them and it was great to fill them in on my story and my recovery and what I'm now doing. It comes as no surprise to anybody and bearing in mind I drank mainly alone during the last couple of years of my drinking then that gives an indicator of how deep I was and must have appeared when I was out in town or 'bumped into' people.

I was always honest in my drinking and using days and lived the 'rock n' roll' lifestyle to the max and I genuinely felt it in my soul. It sure was hard giving it up and getting to the great place of acceptance but with time and much hard work I managed to get there and embrace my sober and clean life as being equally if not more 'rock n' roll'. ha-ha. For people like me then you either get sober or die. It comes as no surprise to anybody that I got sober and they are just pleased for me, I guess it's easy embracing yourself as an alcoholic when you were so ashamed to be a drunk.

I was around alcohol lots last night and there is no feeling there anymore. I have accepted my shyness (I ain't actually all that shy) now and also I find that I can laugh far more now than when I was clutching to any gasp of euphoria in alcohol and drugs. I won't be in any more of a drunken environment than I was last night and it's nice not being a drunk anymore, there was vomit on the bar floor and people vomitting all around the town; a typical English Saturday night out. But I'm an alcoholic and addict and 95% of people are not. My drinking was different to most and I would be drinking for days on end around the clock, destroying myself and those around me. Prison, institute or death is the only place for a person like me if they continue to drink and not live in the solution.

It was great listening to christmas songs and singing without that sad feeling inside of me, that 'hole in the soul' that I was trying to fill with booze and drugs but never quite managing.

I am just so grateful that I managed to get sober and into recovery and that I stuck with it. I knew and so does everybody else that ultimately death was the only outcome and at 23 that was such a strange and bizarre place to be at. I am grateful that I reached the jumping off place at that age and my heavy drug use really sped the process up. Though I always thought of myself as more of an alkie, talking with many people my drug use seems to have been more prominent and apparent.

I'm just so, so grateful to be sober and that I can accept myself as an alcoholic and addict without any problem at all. It feels great to able to hold my head up high and talk to people honestly. I can often wonder what the hell I saw in booze but I know I can only think like that because of my recovery. I am always aware that this whole thing is 'just for today' for me and that one drink would make me lose everything.

I am just so, so grateful to be sober and that I'm an alcoholic and addict. I wish everybody a happy Christmas period 'one day at a time'.

Increase The Peace

eddie73

Well done Neomarxist, hope your story can inspire others

least

I experienced a wonderful change in my attitude and my recovery when I started expressing gratitude for my many blessings. When I was drinking all the time I felt grateful for nothing and thought my life was a waste and a failure. All the more reasons to keep on drinking...

But being grateful is now a habit and the more I am grateful, the more there is to be grateful for! It seems that being truly grateful for my blessings took away the desire to drink and filled the void left by alcohol. What a huge difference! I changed my attitude and the whole world changed too, or so it seems.

I've heard it said that a grateful alcoholic won't drink... and I'm proof of that. I have no desire to drink anymore and am content with my lot in life, which since getting sober has gotten a lot better. My happy attitude has been noticed by quite a few people. It's nice being noticed for something positive!

FBL

Thanks for sharing, Neo! I'm also very grateful for my new sober life, especially this time of year. In the past, I'd be hitting the beer really hard during the holidays. The extra time off work meant I could just drink more and more. Looking back, it's a wonder I'm not either dead or insane.

Hevyn

"The good times were long since over"....that nails it, Neo. Long after the circus left town, I went on for many years looking for the elusive high that was never coming back. In the process of seeking that once euphoric feeling, I almost lost my life. You wised up as a young man, that always amazes me.

My shyness was one of my reasons for drinking too, but I find I'm much less self conscious without the booze. Who knew? This is a timely post - many are feeling left out because it's the holidays and they can't celebrate the way they once did. I remember feeling like a lost soul my first sober Christmas. Resentment is the right word, and I almost didn't get past that feeling. Thank you once again, Neo. By sharing these thoughts, we may be able help newcomers through this trigger-filled time.

mygrandfather

NM, what a positive read and a great way to start my Sunday. Definitely I hear you on one day at a time...I have only one day in the bank so far! I was surrounded by alcohol last night as well but, like you, I stood my ground. I hope I can keep going. PS -- I have always wanted to go see an EPL match in person.

coffeenut

Hevyn said she feels, 'less self conscience without the booze". That is true for me as well.

After a certain bit of sobriety I've found I don't miss drinking...any part of it. I don't need a beer to have a birthday or celebrate anything. In fact these celebrations have really come to mean something more to me than seeing how much of my liver I can destroy.

As I walk this sober journey I need to remember that I'm an alcoholic. If I drink, I'll slowly kill myself.....and more important than that, I'll slowly kill my family. I don't have to do that anymore.

This turned into a soul search! Thanks Neo.