ru12

Thanks Sober and Emmy!

I don't know if my mind is ready to agree to the never part of sobriety. But I do know that I am going to drink today. And if I can keep this in mind every day then I'll be fine. Forever is hard to wrap my mind around right now.

Thanks again to all of you that have posted to me. I've felt alone an isolated because of my drinking. I've, and still do to some extent, fill worse than worthless. It is so . . . humbling and nice to feel the concern and compassion. I guess I need to realize that I'm sick and not a horrible person.

LLCY52

Hi Ru!

I too am new to SR and posting. However I now have 29 months sober. Sadly to say it has takn over 30 yrs of drinking and legal problems. I attended an inpatient program. I found that this really gave me a foundation to start my recovery. I also attend weekly meetings as part of my follow up.

hang in there good luck.

DayTrader

Basically RU, it boils down to whether YOU can get you sober or not.

Many are able to do it themselves. They'll use therapy, support groups, avoid triggers, be careful about being around alcohol, avoid people and situations that upset them, talk about their problems, ask for tons of advice from others and try their solutions.......etc, etc, etc. This can, and does work, so long as you still have the power to actually do it.

On the other hand, many are not able to do it themselves. They try all the stuff I listed above and keep getting drunk. For this person, the real alcoholic, they're don't have the power to sober themselves up. For them, the choices are a lot fewer:
1. say F-it and keep drinking (and eventually die)
2. continuously trying the next new gimmick only to relapse, followed by the next gimmick and the next relapse..... until they either die or go looking for the 3rd option.
3. find a spiritual solution to their problem......a power GREATER than themselves.

That's really about it. Do it on your own or find a spiritual solution. There are a gazillion ways to do it on your own and I didn't have the luxury of wading through all of them to see IF I could find one that worked.....assuming there even IS one that'd work for me. Everything I tried wasn't sticking...I didn't have the power to control my drinking. I had to go the spiritual route.

Keep your eyes and your heart open.....try to not cast any decisions in stone. Most of us find that our "alcoholic mind," when we first get here, is prone to lead us on many wild goose chases. Be willing to be flexible....to change your mind if what you're doing isn't working. Honesty is a key.....especially honesty with yourself. Understand that you're able to trick yourself into believing lies. One glance though an alcoholics history will shoe a life riddled with lies that we tell ourselves.....and believe.

AA will guarantee you a way out if everything else fails - the spiritual solution. It's like your ace in the hole. Luckily, I only picked up 1 more DUI and only started to think about how to kill myself before I gave it a real legitimate shot.

ru12

Thanks for the welocme Dee.

LL 29 months is wonderful! It seems a lot of you have found value in AA. I am going to give it another chance. Perhaps I can find one meeting that doesn't do all the praying. If not I guess I'll just deal with it.

Daytrader. I certainly don't have the answer to this problem or I wouldn't be asking all you what worked for you. I am willing to give most things a go at this point. The fact is I just need to stop this stupid behavoir and move on to have a rewarding life. I like the fact that AA calls "recovered" people to help those that are still suffering. I can't think of many things that are better than helping to end the suffering of others. And I don't have to tell anyone here how much suffering is involved in this business. I think a lot of normal drinkers think that we do this for fun, well this is not fun at all and hasn't been for a very long time. Sometimes I wish I just wouldn't wake up in the morning. I'm not suicidal btw . . . just saying I want this to stop.

LaFemme

Ru....I actually think anyone can train themselves to not like the taste of alcohol...thing is you have to be ready to quit for good. Once in a blue moon ill have a thought pop into my head...'a drink would be nice' then I will remember that I can't stomach the smell even. If I'm at a cocktail party I have to stand back from drinkers because of the smell.

To get to that point I used to (every chance I got) think about drinking and then remember in detail what it felt like and tasted like to throw up that drink...sorry, I know its gross...I would practice that when I had the chance. I also reminded myself of the smell of tap room at AD @ Dartmouth where the air reeked of beer and **** (sorry again)....the smell of wine is like vinegar (they make vinegar from it after all)...and the hard stuff is the liniment we put on our horses legs after a workout.

Anyway that helped me a lot. But none of that would have worked if I hadn't worked on myself as well. I have made so much progress with my therapist...its shocking really. The trick is to find the right therapist:-)

Keep us posted!

ru12

LaFemme, I'm going to try your alcohol adversion techniques! They are wonderfully disgusting.

I'm doing fine at the moment. Haven't had much in the way of detox symptoms yet. Irritability, insomnia and the like. I can tell that i'm pretty dehydrated though and have drinking a lot of water. I'm also taking a multi-vitamin and eating well.

Thanks for the encouragement!

ru12

So it is another day and it was wonderful to wake up and actually feel pretty darn good! For so many years my mornings were hell. It is amazing that I actually just thought feeling miserable in the mornings was normal.

I've been reading here and reading stuff about SMART recovery. I did a cost benefit analysis and that indeed was an eye-opener. All the benefits were temporary and the costs longterm.

I glad I'm sober today and will stay that way today.

trish8850

Hi ru. I'm on day 15. I got so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was waking up every day with a terrible hangover. I denied the fact I was an alcoholic becuase I never drank in the mornings. I thought that was what a "real" alcoholic did. I never got a DUI or in trouble with the law. I loved my wine at night with my classy wine glass. Well, I didn't look so classy after the first bottle.
I am new to AA. I was very scared going by myself. I have made a couple of friends that I talk to on the phone now. It's a very caring group of people.
Best of luck to you. I will keep you in my prayers.
Trish

ru12

Thank you Trish. I am the same . . . a classy wino, hahahah. I only went to a few AA meetings and will look for a smaller group. The one I went to was very large and I just didn't feel right there. Congratulations on day 15! Isn't in wonderful to not have an hangover!

ru12

Had another sober day. Doing a little CBT to try to wrap my mind around my behavior. I'm doing fine today and I hope you all are too.

ru12

Hi there!

Today is day 6 I think and I am still doing o.k. Iv'e been busy with work and family functions getting ready for Christmas. I've been reading over at SMART recovery and using some of their tools to try to understand why my behavior with alcohol has been so erratic. I'm fairly balanced in the other affairs of my life.

I am so glad that this place exists. Reading other's stories really helps me feel less abnormal and more like a person with a problem.

Thanks!

trish8850

Hey Ru. How are ya? Still hangin in there?

ru12

Hey Trish I'm still here and still sober. I have a 1 month coming up on the 14th. The first week was the most difficult. I still have urges, but I just let them pass. Keeping myself busy certainly helps! How are you doing?

I hope that everone finds sobriety. It is so much easiry than living drunk.