Am I Overreacting?
 

I am 15 days sober, and come from a family of alcoholics. My dad is visiting for the weekend, and he has not acknowledged my sobriety, except to make jokes about it. I do not fault him, because I know how hard it is for an alcoholic to hear someone say they are getting sober. It is very threatening to them, and they feel judged.
Ok-to my question: my dad was making pasta and sauce-both meat and non meat versions (I am a vegetarian)
The problem: he poured about a half a bottle of wine in my sauce. I told him I couldnt eat it, and him and my husband looked at me like I was going overboard with this, since according to them, all the alcohol had cooked out. I just think it is too soon in my recovery to have something like that. How do you all deal with alcohol in food, etc?

I believe it is a personal decision. Some people feel that any alcohol at all is too much, and refuse to eat foods made with alcohol and buy mouth wash that is alcohol free. It is totally a personal decision. You have every right to make those decisions for yourself and if you don't want to eat the spaghetti sauce containing alcohol, that is entirely your right. I think it was wrong of your dad to put the wine in your sauce, especially since he knows you are no longer drinking, and if it were me, I'd refuse to eat it just for that very reason, even though I'm not adverse to eating foods containing small amounts of alcohol.

Personally I avoid it. I don't like anything that may prove to be an alcohol tease. There has been a lot of posts here on this subject. As I recall in most cases alcohol does not completely cook out. I wouldn't have eaten the spaghetti either. With the pressure you are under I hope you have a local support group.

It's one of those personal things, no right or wrong! You do what you need to do to feel secure in your recovery.

I don't avoid alcohol in food. I don't consider it a threat to my sobriety. But some people do and that's OK :hug:

It's hard when people are judging.

Stand your ground!!:) Food cooked with alcohol DOES still contain alcohol as it does not totally "cook out". Sorry they're being so unhelpful but you must do this for yourself no matter who's making light of it.

Keep on keepin' on, no matter what!:hug:

Thanks, everyone for such a quick reply. Re: support: I do go to therapy, and my oldest sister is sober. We talk daily. Plus, I really find SR to be such a wonderful tool for recovery as well. Thanks again! XO

For me I don't mind alcohol in food.. I am not going to get drunk or get a buzz or anything from beer battered fish or a meal marinated in wine... That is just my personal choice.. Everyone is different though and if you feel you will be tempted by it than by all means you I agree that you should avoid it...

Stick to your guns. If they don't like it, they can go scratch.

:wild

Marcia, I don't consider myself a chef by any stretch of the imagination, but I didn't know that pasta sauce needed wine in it. I'm familiar with the debates over using a pan versus a pot and adding a pinch of sugar vs not and so on, but who needs wine in a pasta sauce? He might as well have put the meat in your sauce, because either way he was looking to make it a miserable meal, and I think I'll leave my criticisms there.

The extent to which alcohol actually departs in food preparation is contested here a lot. I don't get into it.

You don't want alcohol in your life, so it doesn't belong in your food or your drinking glasses. That's as simple as it gets for me.

Exactly... It's your recovery not theirs...

I'm sorry you're not getting much support from that part of your family, Marcia - and no I don't think you're overreacting.

D

@ Toronto: That comment on the meat made me LOL. Thanks:-)
I did find another post on this, with the cook off times for alcohol...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-alcohol.html
But, you are right Toronto: I don't think sauce needs red wine, I think he just needed an excuse to open the bottle. :-(

I totally agree you are not overreacting, nor does spaghetti sauce need wine.

I'm sorry your family is not being supportive. I kept my sobriety to myself because I knew I would be upset with comments from family and friends, and I'm so glad that I did.

And, alcohol does NOT cook off:

Because alcohol (ethanol) has a lower boiling point (78.5 degrees C) than water (100 degrees C) the presumption among many home cooks and culinary professionals has been that the alcohol cooks out when it is exposed to heat. But in 1992, a team of researchers at the University of Idaho, Washington State University, and the United States Department of Agriculture set out to confirm this assumption and found the assumption did not hold true.

In their study*, six recipes were prepared using various sources of alcohol including Burgundy wine, dry sherry, brandy, crème de cocoa, and Grand Marnier. A variety of preparations were used including applying no heat and refrigerating overnight, adding alcohol to a hot sauce, flaming, oven baking, and simmering (both 30 minutes and 2 ½ hours). Alcohol retention, after preparation, ranged from 4%-85% and was dependent upon a number of factors such as cooking temperature, size of the cooking vessel, cooking time, and the presence of other ingredients in the prepared dish. Breadcrumbs, for instance, which might absorb some of the alcohol and prevent it from evaporating.

If you don't want alcohol used in preparing food that you plan to eat, well, that's fine. Stick to your guns... Some don't mind, some mind very much... don't let anyone tell you what you should do on this point.

I get why your p1ssed... he goes to the trouble to make a meatless sauce and then pours a bunch of wine in it... yeah, I get it... He, on the other hand may not... He's not trying to get recovered.

Hang in there.

My father is also an alcoholic and at times it's tough for me to share my sobriety enthusiasm with him because I feel as if he is threatened or slightly bitter when we talk (usually he gets this way only when he's been drinking.)

Regarding anything with alcohol in it, I guess I'm a bit strange. I can use Listerine without issue but I guess I wouldn't feel comfortable with wine in my food. To me it's not about the alcohol content, but the purpose of the alcohol. I've never abused mouthwash or had a desire to and I've never felt the need to drink after brushing my teeth and gargling. I have, however, abused wine (among other spirits of course), so I would also pass on the wine flavored dish.

IMHO Marcia, you do what keeps Marcia sober. How you achieve that is no one's business but your own...it needn't be justified, excused, or explained away to someone else. Many people mock what they either don't understand or don't want to do.

Congrats on over two weeks!!!:a122:

Congrats on your two weeks Marcia! I would be upset if someone cooked with wine if I thought it would be some kind of trigger. I eat beer battered food and it does not leave me craving a beer. I used to drink beer. One of the many things I used to drink! Anyway..I agree..if he took the time to do the meatless sauce..one would think he could leave out the wine. Plus..if he drinks..that was less for him to drink! That'll teach him!

Marcia: In my view you were not overreacting. Other folks with different ideas were trying to write your program. Stick with your own program, don't be bullied by fools who have their own agendas, pick up the phone and send out for a pizza or some Chinese. And the same goes for the egg nog and the fruit cake. Good luck.

W.

i think the distrubing issue here is that he KNEW you were abstaining and purposely pouring 1/2 bottle??? of wine into the gravy....I make pasta sauce and I do use red wine, but only about 1/2 cup for 5 quarts...along with some sugar to cut the acid....it is mostly for taste....and the gravy cooks for over 3-4 hours.

it sounds like your father is taunting your sobriety....and that is simply NOT nice....you are his child, he should want what is best for you....not to drag you down....no matter what his own issues are, we want better for our children, no?

sounds like a little broccoli, garlic and cavatelli would be good with some cheese instead of his sauce.

Am I Overreacting?

NO

How do you all deal with alcohol in food, etc?

I never eat it.

I cook my pasta with salt in the water...if I was cooking pasta for someone who had to abstain from salt I would cook the pasta without the salt...end of story.

Sounds like Dad is threatened by your sobriety and there really isn't anything you can do about that. Is your husband having a hard time with it as well? He should have backed you up imo.