It's getting out of control--new member
 

Hi......I looked at this board a week ago and never had the guts to post anything but I think now is the right time. I can't keep running away.
I am just hoping people on this forum are nice, supportive people.

I guess I"m still in denial.........I've been drinking and taking pills for 10+ years. I"m 26. Female. Maryland.
I just went out to the local liquor store to buy a bottle of Southern Comfort. I just cannot stop. I cannot stop.
I think it's really hard because my parents have alcohol in the house and I ........the other day I tried to explain to my mom that I have a problem and she said "just have more self control" but it's more than that. It's a hunger, craving, obsession.
I think .....maybe I did hit rock bottom.......my friend brought over a bottle of Jager last night and he spent the night with me-my parents are in Puerto Rico now. and I ended up somehow hitting my head on a wall and my eye is black and red and.........I just have to stop drinking.
I'm just introducing myself...I can say more later once I get to know people.
I want help. It's an endless cycle that requires more and more drinking/the hunger.....more and more. Nothing good ends up from this. I realize that now.

The first thing I did when I decided enough was enough was secure funding for treatment and check in. It helped me do a number of things to point me in the right direction. For one it seperated me from the wet faces and wet places that make saying f-it so easy. Second it put 17 days sober under my belt which isn't a ton but it was way more than I had had in five years. Finially it familiarized me with meetings, the importance of a sponsor and actuilly working the steps and also having a plan to set in motion for when I got out.
Good luck

I agree. I said ok I will stop by myself. I only could make it through 2 days of withdraw. The physical pain.....and being sensitive to light and sound=- that proved to me that I have a problem. I knew I had one but..I guess I didn't care.
My great grandfather died of alcoholism. I am just so mad b/c I want my music dreams to come true. And I'm sitting home and hating my life.
I was laid off of my job a month ago. I have been seeking part time work so I can do my music on my free time.
I really do feel alone. BTW What can I do to help this black eye?

Hi Redhead and Welcome!

You are so right that it's an endless cycle and there is never enough alcohol to soothe the beast, is there! I found that the endless cycle was so exhausting.

And, yes, we are supportive and we do know how hard this is. I hope you keep reading and posting.

It does take more than self control huh. BUT you see that. I am older than you...been at the drinking game for a long time...yrs ago you can throw in some misc drugs too. Never got addicted to them..and never liked doing drugs and alcohol at the same time. Good thing for me because it is a deadly combination. I hope you hang in with us..read and post often. Glad you found us!

I had a black eye when I ran into my husbands fist...Frozen peas work great..they conform to your face and it feels better.

Ex husband now!!!

I find it funny b/c ...I noticed there was a problem because i started snorting my Ritalin. I think it's pathetic but I envy- I don't know if you rock music lovers know of Layne Staley from Alice in Chains but he died from Heroin and I envy him. Why??? Why am I....why do I want more and more.

I recently read the movie Requiem For A Dream-that movie scared the crap out of me.
Here is what I don't get.....some people quit their drug use but then they go back to drinking..like the band AIC. they drink now but they said they quit the heavy drugs. Is there a time where you can drink and not go overboard?

I know it's impossible to say that I'll quit forever. It's pressure. My mom has it around the house.....it's everywhere >they do not get it. They are unsupportive.

Welcome to SR! The best recovery site everywhere.:) I'd suggest seeing your doctor for help in getting safely and comfortably thru the initial physical withdrawal. It only lasts a few days but can be rough, if not downright dangerous. Once you've detoxed it's important to find a source of support to help you stay sober. There are lots of different methods of staying sober, but all involve changes to your attitude and lifestyle.

I had to change myself a great deal, but the peace and happiness I have now in sobriety are worth the effort.

You'll find a lot of support here.:hug:

No I got it when I ran into a wall. I saw the blood on the wall today. I knew what I was going. I am always...ALWAYS conscious when I'm drunk. I couldn't even stand. I chugged the bottle of Jager last night. He isn't a bad guy. We aren't dating. He's not the issue.

Welcome Redhead - it's a real drag to deal with the obsession and makes it tough to quit, for sure. But with the right kind of support/help, we can change our lives around. Take it a day at a time and make sobriety your new obsession. Glad you're here!!:grouphug:

obsession? you mean drinking
?

Yeah, I mean drinking, like when you said "It's a hunger, craving, obsession." It was definitely that way for me - the thought of the next drink was always there.

No see you missed my point...I was saying that is how I got my black eye..I just brought up frozen peas because you asked what you could do for your black eye..I didn't think you ran into a fist as well!!

BTW What can I do to help this black eye? This is why I brought up my experience..hahaha..not yours.

Well.......I just really really do not want to get help. I feel it's shameful/guilt. I called my therapist and told her I wanted her to take me to a AA meeting.
I do not want my parents to find out. My anger is that my mom just leaves bottles of wine...the ones she buys but she doesn't realize how that triggers. It's yes, a hunger.

I had to stay away from certain people, and in fact, not be around alcohol at all when I was in early sobriety.

Have you talked to your Mom about how you feel about the wine bottles? Maybe, a little distance would be a good idea for awhile.

OK, so you state that you are "snorting your Ritalin, you don't want to stop drinking? and you want to stop? and you are unable to get past 2 days with no alcohol and you are blaming your parents for not understanding you, but you don't want them to know you are seeking help.

this is a bit of a confusing tangled mess....since you are only 24?, are you still covered under your parents health insurance?...this may make a difference in the type of treatment you are able to afford if you choose to actually de-tox.

please believe me when I tell you that addressing this now rather than later will only help you sort out and improve your life...please don't wait.

your bruising is actually bleeding under the skin and may spread...and as someone else pointed out here, heavy drinking thins your blood and makes you more susceptible to easy bruisng/black/blue marks.

a cream that contains vitamin K might help???