SDSurfn

Hey everyone, Day 25.

25 days is great, and early in sobriety it's important to keep it simple, but I'm not sure I want to just count days for the rest of my life.

Someone else mentioned it, I forget who, but when you are just counting days, it seems like you are "white-knuckling" it until your next inevitable binge.

Rather than merely "not drinking", I would instead like to learn how to live sober.

Of course, since I have been drunk 4-6 days a week for my entire adult life, I don't know how to live sober. So this is something I would like to work on as we move into the new year.

Any info, tips, or suggestions on how to live sober is greatly appreciated!

Thanks all,

-SD

JackNWA

Congrats to your sober self!
For me, I learned, and still learn, a great deal about how to live a sober life by reading books on the subject and attending (and participating in) a 12 step group. There's alot of great books and information on this site that will help you - check as many of them out as you possibly can. Take what you want and leave the rest, and you'll be on your way!

ItsMe23

I think that it also has to do with replacing drinking with new hobbies in your life.

ViciousCycle

I counted alot at the beginning last time I quit. It really helped me. I was so proud of the number, especially when it gave me such strength. But it subsided on it's own...as it may with you. It's up to you what tools you need. I was in a class here in 2009 and we all thrived on the numbers for awhile.........again, in time.....it went away, we were stronger and gauged our sobriety on other things. We still congratulated each other on the big ones of course. 3 months, a year, etc.....

I am on day 6 this morning. After all the drinking I have done the last several months, I am thrilled at the thought of this. I am really proud, I did not think I could do it!

Find what works for you, I don't think anything is right or wrong if it works, right?

yeahgr8

I learned how to live sober by asking how to do the same at AA and they showed me how:-)

I dont count days it does indeed remind me of seeing how long i can hold my breath like something might happen at any point! It's good to hear years though in early sobriety it is an inspiration and proves that the method one is using to get sober works and will work for that person as well!

keithj

That was my experience with it. Before I got sober, at least one of my failed attempts was the 'day at a time' approach. I must have heard the lingo being bounced around. I would get up in the morning and be determined to stay sober that day. When I'd get antsy in the evening, I'd remind myself that I only had to make it a few more hours, then I could be in bed and have another day down. And I felt good about accomplishing that day sober.

What a horrible way to live. I'd make it a couple of months or so, then start drinking one day for no particular reason. I got bored, anxious, somebody ticked me off, I was happy, you name it.

I learned to live sober (and actually get sober) much like a child learns anything. I surrounded myself with people who were successfully sober and I did what they did to get that way and live that way. When they suggested I do this or that, I did this or that.

If what I wanted was to get through a day at a time without drinking, then I would do what those people do. I would follow those suggestions and do what they do. Not much of a way to live, in my experience, and did not give me lasting sobriety.

If I wanted to be free of alcohol, and have my life filled with purpose and better than I could have imagined, I would find those people who are living that way, and do what they do.

least

I'm learning every day that living sober is about more than just 'not drinking'. It's a whole new way of life. I've replaced drinking with the habit of being grateful. And giving thanks for my blessings always gives back to me, just in feeling good about myself and life in general. Living sober, to me, is about giving back that which has been given to me, it's about making my corner of the world a better place.

Zencat

I found that having a design for living works best. Primarily for me it is SMART Recovery and Zen Buddhism. There a lot of other ways too. For some its a spiritual or religious path coupled with an addiction treatment program that gives one a life beyond the chains of addiction fueled purposeless living.

NoAlcoholToday

Hi Sd, as you know I am only a few days different from you so I dont know any more than you really.

One thing I have decided though is that I am not going to buy into the myth that "alcohol is a disease". If it were, then our best hope would be (temporary) remission. And that seems too much like wearing a hair shirt for the rest of my life, "one day at a time". I can already hear people diving in here and saying that their method is like being born again - like a pink cloud, not a hair shirt. But I dont want that either. I simply dont want to replace alcoholism with evangelism or anything else for that matter. In fact, not having to think about it much will be my main measure of success.

I hope we both make it through this. It just has to be worth it?

yeahgr8

Sure we covered this on another thread...if disease doesn't sit well consider it a mental illness...who in their right mind, stone cold sober, decides to pick up the first drink when they know the outcome will not be good...its like keep sticking your hand in a fire and getting burned, we can't exactly say it's just a bad habit can we?

bellakeller

I had no idea how to live sober at first, but I clung to a few things that helped me get through until I got some more experience. When in doubt about a situation I made sure I kept my side of the street clean, stayed honest and tried not to cut corners on stuff and when possible, I helped out someone else. I just keep it simple like that.

DayTrader

Same here...

It basically reduces what can appear to be a complex program of recovery down to "monkey see - monkey do."

SSIL75

Have you checked into Rational Recovery at all? The AVRT tool might be helpful to you. The disease concept doesn't resonate with me, either and I was also wary of evangelism. I just wanted to get back to my life. Real, normal life as I perceive it.

To the OP. I'm trying a bit of everything and if I find joy in it... I repeat it. So far I'm enjoying exercise, 'clean' eating, shopping, sleeping , random nights out like an upcoming cookie exchange (have always declined in the past). I read here a fair bit. I find it keeps me heading in the right direction. I have kids and Christmas is coming so I'm planning stuff for that. I volunteer a bit (always have but now my heart is more in it).

I'm only 3 mos in but I do a lot of watching how regular people live and doing my best job at imitating them. I'm finding joy in things that I thought were lame before (I feel like I post that all the time but it truly is the most surprising thing about recovery to me!).

I think part of why I never succeeded in staying sober before was because I didn't really try to enjoy sober life. I just kind of sat there wanting to drink. But this time I have truly accepted that I can't drink anymore, ever and that's enough to give me a push to give real life a go. It (real life) is very fun and fulfilling and I've lightened up a fair bit. Bad day? So what. Good day? Great! I no longer feel the need to get ********* at every interval (good and bad) and that's keeping my brain chemistry a lot more stable than it was when I was ploughing toxins into my body every night.

Hope that helps a bit. Good job on your 25 days!

Dee74

Don't put too much pressure on yourself SD- staying sober after years of drinking is already an achievement.

I focused on staying sober first - then when I had that down, I looked inwards to see what I needed to do to be happy without booze, how I could best fill that void in me I'd tried to fill with booze.

I think the longer you stay sober, and the more you take the opportunity to work on yourself, the better you'll learn about living sober - it's a process, not an event IMO

D

LaFemme

I have no idea how many days I have and I stopped counting around day 25 so I can relate. I agree with Dee take it easy on yourself...but also try and do one thing every day that you wouldn't have done sober....making the bed....buying flowers....doing the dishes...smiling at a stranger. Gradually you will get to know your sober self and I bet the more you know that self the richer your life will be and instead of thinking about not drinking you will live.

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude and joy...you can't go wrong:-)

artsoul

After 7 months sober, I'm still noticing changes (improvements) in my mental/emotional/physical/spiritual state. I tried to remind myself that I needed to practice some patience. I was used to the instant fix and now I had to accept a bad day for just what it was and know that "this too will pass."

Acceptance, gratitude (even for the smallest things, like having a roof over my head), and coming here every day for support....... Those things have helped me the most.

mrsfray

SD, I think I hear you w/ the counting. I really do not know what day I am on until I come here, then figure it out. I do just try to live my life sober.

I think just staying in today and months and months from now we will look back and count up the months and be amazed.

Just take it easy and relax and stay in today.... thanks for your share.