wasted my life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 6
wasted my life
Hi this is the day I've made an effort to sort out my drinking problem which this far has cost me several jobs, two (once very loving) women and two beautiful children that I'm ashamed to have to admit have witnessed my drunken out bursts.
I started drinking at 16 years old (20 years ago) and the signs were already there that I couldn't handle the booze, yelling at friends and even getting arrested at 17 after drinking away my first pay packet.
I have not had the courage to attend an AA meeting or even pick up the phone to talk to anyone. I have done so many stupid things and upset all friends going crazy at partys and bars, insulting my girlfriend very publicly and damaging her car once she finally decided enough was enough and moved on with her life with a new man. Phoning her late at night telling her I'll kill myself if she won't take me back.
I lost my well paid job three months ago and lived off my credit cards to support my drinking making little effort to find a job as it was easier to pick up a bottle. I now have no means to support myself or the children.
I spent many hours reading some of the posts on these forums earlier and it was like looking into a mirror, I've had two nights of cold sweats and my hands are shaking as I write this.
I really need help as I realise I'm very close to having the Law knocking on my door and risk never seeing my kids. I can't even bring myself to collect my daughter from school as to often I know the other parents have smelled alcohol on me and some would of read my drunken rants on facebook.
So this is me and fair summary of my life. Thank you for taking the time to read this, Can anyone please give me some advise on how to get started on the straight and narrow?
I started drinking at 16 years old (20 years ago) and the signs were already there that I couldn't handle the booze, yelling at friends and even getting arrested at 17 after drinking away my first pay packet.
I have not had the courage to attend an AA meeting or even pick up the phone to talk to anyone. I have done so many stupid things and upset all friends going crazy at partys and bars, insulting my girlfriend very publicly and damaging her car once she finally decided enough was enough and moved on with her life with a new man. Phoning her late at night telling her I'll kill myself if she won't take me back.
I lost my well paid job three months ago and lived off my credit cards to support my drinking making little effort to find a job as it was easier to pick up a bottle. I now have no means to support myself or the children.
I spent many hours reading some of the posts on these forums earlier and it was like looking into a mirror, I've had two nights of cold sweats and my hands are shaking as I write this.
I really need help as I realise I'm very close to having the Law knocking on my door and risk never seeing my kids. I can't even bring myself to collect my daughter from school as to often I know the other parents have smelled alcohol on me and some would of read my drunken rants on facebook.
So this is me and fair summary of my life. Thank you for taking the time to read this, Can anyone please give me some advise on how to get started on the straight and narrow?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi and Welcome,
You have already started.
You have admitted you have a problem with alcohol and you have two days sober and you have come here to seek support.
Try to not get overwhelmed at the moment. I know it's hard when you have to face all the messes that you've created while drinking. It was such a horrible time for me. But know that you can move forward and live a sober life.
SR is my lifeline, has been for years, and I know you will find lots of support here.
You have already started.
You have admitted you have a problem with alcohol and you have two days sober and you have come here to seek support.
Try to not get overwhelmed at the moment. I know it's hard when you have to face all the messes that you've created while drinking. It was such a horrible time for me. But know that you can move forward and live a sober life.
SR is my lifeline, has been for years, and I know you will find lots of support here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Hi needs2quit
Like Anna said coming here is a good start.
If you've been drinking heavily or for a long time, it might also be good for you to get a check up from your Dr.
Detox can be problematic for some of us.
If you're looking for more support, especially face to face support, here are some links to some of the main recovery players - UK links down the bottom of the first post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Welcome to SR!
D
Like Anna said coming here is a good start.
If you've been drinking heavily or for a long time, it might also be good for you to get a check up from your Dr.
Detox can be problematic for some of us.
If you're looking for more support, especially face to face support, here are some links to some of the main recovery players - UK links down the bottom of the first post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Welcome to SR!
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome needs2quit - You're not alone. We understand what it's like to be at the bottom of a bottle and feeling hopeless. It will take some time to get your life back, but it gets a little better every day if you stick to it.
For now, just focus on taking it as it comes, one day at a time, and make sobriety your #1 priority. Be patient with the process - things really can get better.
For now, just focus on taking it as it comes, one day at a time, and make sobriety your #1 priority. Be patient with the process - things really can get better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
All I can really add is saying Wasted My Life makes it sound like it is over already and although it may feel that way it isn't. You are only 36 years old which means you are probably only halfway there (unless of course you continue drinking). It sounds like you have 2 days sober and I say congrats on that - it might not seem like much, but it is a start.
You have time to get yourself back and be a real dad to your kids. I am 37 and have 3 kids and I know what it feels like to let them down. From what you said it sounds like you are worried about everyone else (your kids, your friends, your girlfriend, etc.). It is important to want this for yourself. Because you are sick and tired of it and you want to get better and be a better person. If you are able to do it for you then everyone around you will get to benefit from it.
Try not to look at the big picture right now. Just focus on what you are going to do today (right this very moment if you need to) to get better. You don't change overnight. If you can string some days together you will suprise yourself. SR is a great tool, but if you are like me you will need many tools to stay sober. Just a suggestion why not try AA? If you want it bad enough just go to a meeting - don't even think about it. If you really can't find the courage how about an addictions counselor? Someone you can talk to about it face to face. Definitely keep coming back here and update everyone on your progress. That can be a huge help too.
You have time to get yourself back and be a real dad to your kids. I am 37 and have 3 kids and I know what it feels like to let them down. From what you said it sounds like you are worried about everyone else (your kids, your friends, your girlfriend, etc.). It is important to want this for yourself. Because you are sick and tired of it and you want to get better and be a better person. If you are able to do it for you then everyone around you will get to benefit from it.
Try not to look at the big picture right now. Just focus on what you are going to do today (right this very moment if you need to) to get better. You don't change overnight. If you can string some days together you will suprise yourself. SR is a great tool, but if you are like me you will need many tools to stay sober. Just a suggestion why not try AA? If you want it bad enough just go to a meeting - don't even think about it. If you really can't find the courage how about an addictions counselor? Someone you can talk to about it face to face. Definitely keep coming back here and update everyone on your progress. That can be a huge help too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I'd be very careful who's advice you take...if you like the sound of the advice and it makes you feel good it is probably the wrong advice in this type of situation...
You mentioned AA, you could be recovered from alcoholism by Spring 2011 if you wanted to, if you are willing to do some work with a sponsor!
You mentioned AA, you could be recovered from alcoholism by Spring 2011 if you wanted to, if you are willing to do some work with a sponsor!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Italy
Posts: 287
Quite right, be careful who's advice you take.
AA is not your only option. It is merely one of many possibilities. Have a good read around the forum here to see what suits you best.
I only started drinking heavily when I was your age, needs2quit, so dont think you have wasted your life by any imagination. Just make sure you dont spend the next 12 years wasting it like I did.
AA is not your only option. It is merely one of many possibilities. Have a good read around the forum here to see what suits you best.
I only started drinking heavily when I was your age, needs2quit, so dont think you have wasted your life by any imagination. Just make sure you dont spend the next 12 years wasting it like I did.
Last edited by NoAlcoholToday; 12-06-2010 at 12:40 AM. Reason: spelling
2nd chance at a 1st cl*** life
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Jose, Ca
Posts: 492
Welcome to SR needs2quit. You've indeed made the first step in basically admitting that your life has become unmanageable due to alcohol. I can relate to you. I ruined my marriage due to my alcohol abuse and things I've done in the thick of my disease. I've lost jobs because of my alcoholism. I have two very beautiful children who fortunately are young enough to not ever have to remember their dad being an awful drunk. It goes against AA principals but I didn't get into recovery to save myself, but so that my children can have a father, saving my own life is just an added perk. You mentiined that you couldn't bring yourself to go to AA, well as a suggestion I suggest you do. If you really want help, AA has it. It saved my life, it truly did. Had I continued drinking and using the way I was I would probably not be alive today and my children would not have a father. I would have surly drank or used myself into an early grave. Toward the end of my drinking and using I was very depressed. Like you I had felt that I ruined my life. I was very suicidal. I came very close to jumping off an overpass one time but a police officer who happened to be driving by had stopped and asked me if I was considering jumping. I lied and said no, but that I was tired and just taking a breather from walking a long distance. God knew what my intentions were and put that officer there to save me from making a horrible mistake. AA truly works, it does. There are countless of us there who felt that they were hopeless and that nothing could save us feom our drinking; I was one. I love the program of alcoholics anonymous. Today I live a life of sobriety, just celebrated 11 months. I wouldn't have these 11 months had it not bwen for my higher power who I chose to call God and tbe program of alcoholics anonymous. You say you have kids too, well like I mentioned my kids are my reason for getting into recovery. I'm sure your kids live you very much and that you live them very much too. Whatever you have done in the past does not define who you are today. You recognize you have a problem and you're starting to take action. I would really suggest you give AA a try. You have absolutely nothing to lose in done so, but everything to gain; your life. I appreciate you sharing your story and welcome you to SR. There is a lot of support here, but SR alone will not keep you sober. You really need a support program also. Thanks and keep coming back.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,889
needs2quit so glad to see that your looking to make all the necessary changes to live a life free from usual....alcohol addiction.
No wall O-Text from me....thank Godless. Yet I get the rush of miss understanding or even confusing deal that comes with even becoming clean. Best to chill...reflect...take in all the manifestos of advice so given abortively...to your interest...yes? Best deal is ...yes see you now...soon...
No wall O-Text from me....thank Godless. Yet I get the rush of miss understanding or even confusing deal that comes with even becoming clean. Best to chill...reflect...take in all the manifestos of advice so given abortively...to your interest...yes? Best deal is ...yes see you now...soon...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to SR! YOu've taken the first step on the road to recovery just by admitting you have a problem. Do check out the link from Dee about recovery programs. And in the meantime, post here with your feelings and questions. You'll find a lot of support here.
YOu've taken the first step on the road to recovery just by admitting you have a problem. Do check out the link from Dee about recovery programs. And in the meantime, post here with your feelings and questions. You'll find a lot of support here. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 6
Thank you all for your words of support. I realise my opening post sounds like a well of self pity and if anything my Ex's should be the ones posting those comments as I'm sure it must of been harder on them
I have just had one more night without alcohol did not sleep well one bit and have awoken to a shocking headache. The first thought in my head was to get a drink I even made it to the shops. but I didn't give in I got myself some cigarettes and came home.
I have contacted the AA over here and have found the leaflets they have sent helpful now I need summon the courage to phone them to arrange a meeting. I guess I am a coward at heart I just don't feel ready to look into another persons eyes and say how foolish I've been
I have just had one more night without alcohol did not sleep well one bit and have awoken to a shocking headache. The first thought in my head was to get a drink I even made it to the shops. but I didn't give in I got myself some cigarettes and came home.
I have contacted the AA over here and have found the leaflets they have sent helpful now I need summon the courage to phone them to arrange a meeting. I guess I am a coward at heart I just don't feel ready to look into another persons eyes and say how foolish I've been
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Good for you for saying "No" when you got to the shops. That is an excellent thing. You'll get there. You're still young. You can have a great life, now's the time to start. We are about the same age- lately I have been feeling that I don't want to be looking back wondering where my life went at 40- something. You can do this, we are here.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome needs2quit. I am a good deal older than you, and it took me much longer to realize the chaos my life had become. At 36 I was still trying desperately to control and manage my drinking (anything but give it up!). Please be proud of yourself for seeing what action needs to be taken - you aren't a wimp, or weak. You have a disease. You can recover from it and have a beautiful new life.
I spent years filled with remorse, regret, and guilt. Please don't go down that road. Once you acknowledge the things that have happened, and vow to make changes so they won't ever again - you must allow yourself to move on. Grieving over yesterday gets us nowhere, but stuck on square one. You are young and can have the life you deserve. Congratulations on taking this step towards happiness and peace.
I spent years filled with remorse, regret, and guilt. Please don't go down that road. Once you acknowledge the things that have happened, and vow to make changes so they won't ever again - you must allow yourself to move on. Grieving over yesterday gets us nowhere, but stuck on square one. You are young and can have the life you deserve. Congratulations on taking this step towards happiness and peace.
2nd chance at a 1st cl*** life
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Jose, Ca
Posts: 492
You are no coward needs2quit. You've managed to muster the strength to admit to the person it matters most to that you have a problem, yourself. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you've been beaten. There are many people out there in this world who can't even do that, they typically know it in their heart but refuse tk admit it. The people in AA have been where you are and are indeed very understanding. To say that you have been foolish is not entirely true, yes we were foolish to drink in the first place to escape our fears and such. But there is much more about this disease that makes us drink the way we did/do. I'm sure you can relate to me when I say for a long time I wanted to stop drinking but just could not. With every bit of sincerity in my heart I would tell myself "no more, this has to stop" but yet I would find myself drinking soon again. Our will power has been beaten or broken, how ever you chose to say it, and we are/were no longer in control of our drinking but our drinking was in control of us. There is a Japanese proverb that describes this disease quite well, "First the man takes a drink. Then the drink takes a drink. Then the drink takes the man.” You are not alone in this my friend, many have been where you are. Reaching out for help is the best thing you could have done for yourself. Like I said, don't be afraid of the people from AA, they won't bite your head off.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 6
Well I did it, I have my first meeting with the AA tomorrow after a long chat over the phone with a very nice sounding man called 'Ken'
I know I wouldn't have called them without your help THANK YOU
I know I wouldn't have called them without your help THANK YOU
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
The main thing, now, is to try not to focus on the past, try to deal with the guilt. Try to remember that you've had an illness and that you're at last trying to do something about it and that there are lots of folks, both on this website and at AA and at other places you can go to who are ever so eager to help you. There is no shame in dealing with an illness. Only honor and growing respect both for yourself and respect from others who you will find will admire you for succeeding. You can get well and recover much or all you have lost if you persist and all it takes is one day at a time. It will not be easy at first but if you stick with it you will see that it works. You will meet many many folks who will tell you how it worked for them and how it will work for you. Every good wish to you.
W.
W.
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