He loves me
 

Through everything I have done while I was drinking he still loves me. I don't deserve it!!! I want to tell him every day until I die that I'm sorry and I love him. I did the unthinkable. I kissed my neighbor. I don't like him. I'm not attracted to him. He's a drunk like me. I have been mad at my husband for years for his dishonesty and situations that didn't look right to me. And look what I did. I'm scum. I feel horrible. I never would have been around him if I wasn't drinking. I'm glad he knows. I told him. My husband and I talked. He helped me to see and accept what I already knew. That everything bad that has happened to me has had to do with my drinking. All I have ever wanted was to know that he loves me. Now I don't feel like I deserve it. I have never done anything like this before. I don't ever want to hurt this man again. How can he just forgive me? I have carried around anger towards him for years. Now this...I have everything I could ever want. So why do I keep making mistakes and drinking? I AM SO SORRY. This is not me. This is not the person I want to be. I don't think I will ever feel worthy of his love. I am tired of being depressed and feeling like a failure. I don't want to be sad anymore. There has to be another way to feel good other than drinking!!!

I think a major part of recovery is learning to forgive ourselves too Joiner.

We are not what we did. We're more than that - we're better than that.

You're not scum. You have an addiction, but you're working hard to change your life - that's the important bit.

We all did stuff we regret...but we have to move on from it and focus on the now...if we hang on to the past it can consume us and the shame and disgust can pull us back to our old ways.

Don't let anything stop our progress. There'll be time enough for amends and atonements - focus on getting sober and staying that way for now :)

D

There is one sure-fire way of showing your husband love and respect: seek recovery with all your heart and soul....like your life depends on it...because it does.

Hey Joiner!

You may want to read my last post... our stories are very similiar. I have just gotten 30 days sober (now 34)... about 3 months ago my husband started working nights. Which let me with alot of free time on my hands to do whatever I wanted. Whenever... without him ever having to know.

Well I made the decision to drink... even though drinking has never brought me anything good... I have a DUI... spent time in jail... gotten in fights.. lost friends.. and a number of other horrible ... horrible things that I don't care to remember because they hurt to much.

One of those things was about 2 months ago I went out with a co-worker. Someone who had been a dear friend..

Hi Joiner,

I'm sure it's not easy for your husband to forgive, but fortunately he wants to do that.

When I began recovery, I made a promise to myself that I would do everything I could for both my kids and I have done that. I've had ten years to be the mother to my grown-up daughter that I wanted to be. I have never let her down. It helps me to know that I am able to do whatever I can to help make things easier and better for my children and grand-children. You can work on being the wife you want to be for your husband.

This is so hard to believe right now, but it can get better.

Quitting drinking is your key.

Welcome to SR. Keep coming back.

Doesn't actually sound like drinking is making you feel particularly good these days.

You aren't a bad person. Dee is right you need to forgive yourself. The most important thing for me to learn whean getting sober was to love myself. When we love ourselves we don't sabotage our lives and hurt ourselves with alcohol abuse.

Welcome to SR!

Gosh the things my boyfriend said I said to him the night before got scary. I am normally a happy person...........give me that bottle of wine and oh boy. But he knew it wasn't me and I am sure your guy does too. But take the first step. I think I saved my relationship in time. I am only on day two and it is hard, but I don't want to look back one day and regret that I lost him.....that would kill me. So I will suffer for awhile but things will get better...........and they can for you too! Stand firm.