GabC

I have realised I am an alcoholic for years. I'm currently 31, yet years ago, in my early twenties I promised that I would stop the boozing as I to cycled to work everyday with a hangover.

It's been the bain of my life, as I have lost girlfriends who couldn't handle my boozing, I have gained weight and two months ago my blood tests confirmed my liver enzymes are up. I had blood tests taken since joining my surgery and being subjected to a mandatory 'well man's test', as I thought should my liver start to fail then I would be scared into action...but two months on I am sitting here having drunk half a bottle of whisky and two cans of Guinness.

I know I am pathetic, and every night I promise myself it'll be the last, but after eight years' broken promises I know that ultimately I'm lying to myself. I'm 32 soon and reckon I'm in 'the Last Chance Saloon' before my health really deteriorates. It needs to stop NOW.

That's why I'm here.

Anna

You are not pathetic.

Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease.

And, I'm glad you found us and that you know you need to stop drinking. You will find lots of support here.

JackNWA

Welcome to SR. Keep coming back.

Dee74

Welcome GabC

You're in a good place to start. Don't hesitate to go back to the surgery if you've been drinking heavily recently. Detox can sometimes be tricky.

Are you thinking of face to face support as well?
D

coop1

Welcome and good luck.

DayTrader

It's not pathetic......well, maybe IT is but YOU'RE not. That's how alcoholism rolls - for everyone.

What are you planning to do differently since deciding not to drink again hasn't proved to be enough?

GabC

Thanks to everybody for their welcome. I'm going to attend an AA meeting - I live in a city renowned for its alcoholism - Glasgow. There are plenty of AA meetings in my area, so I shall start attending one.

Though I realised that I'm an alcoholic many years ago, it's only now that I've discovered how bad my addiction is. I always believed that if necessary I could lay off it...but I can't, as the test results prove.

What's really sacred me is I've sometimes had hangovers so bad I've been drinking before work to sort myself out. Previously I have reassured myself with the thought that I hold down a job, etc. But drinking in the morning's the final straw. I need help.

I'd appreciate links to anyone's story that's similar to mine, and who has successfully kicked the habit.

degadar

Not pathetic GabC, you sound pretty normal to me.

The despair comes more from the drink than the situation - the alcoholic brain wants you to carry on drinking, and if making you feel down makes you reach for a bottle, then that's what it'll do.

It's warfare, and it's a battle you can win - I did, millions of others did, and are doing it right now. With a little preparation, a few supplies and armaments you can break the cycle.

There are loads of great resources on here - the quitting, what to expect - is a great place to start.

Make a plan, and get onto it. You can do it. Really. Life the other side is beyond wonderful.

Deg.

GabC

Thanks very much for your kind words and inspiration.

degadar

In case it helps - here's what I did.

I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started to make a list of things I could do in place of drinking.

Go to the cinema
Read a book
Go visit my parents
Drive to the coast and look at the sea

They seem like bizarre things now - but they were all things I couldn't do because I couldn't drive in the evenings (shouldn't have been driving in the day either) or I simply couldn't stay awake long enough.

Then I made sure I had a plan for every evening - it was a good way for me to get the first week under my belt.

Good luck.

least

Welcome to the family! I'm glad you found us. You'll find a lot of support and useful information here. And we're open 24/7 - there's always someone here to talk to if you're having a tough time of it.

Gather all the support you can get, whether from AA, counseling, this site, or anywhere else you can get it. It helps a lot to have good company on this sober journey.

SwanSong

Like Anna said, it's the disease not you. AA and SR have both proven invaluable for me, I hope you find the same and Welcome!!

gr8ful42day

As many have said YOU are not pathetic, the alcohol is. Nothing will change if you don't make changes. You may need to see doc for help to get through the first few days...you have to be very careful about detoxing.

I can soooo relate to the drinking in the morning to be able to get through work, eventually I was drinking at lunch too to keep from shaking throughout the day!

I have 61 days sober thanks to the love and support of the peeps here. You have come to the right place.

I also wanted to invite you to our chat meeting, here at sr.com,every Friday night at 9PM est. Hope to see you there.

You CAN do this. :ghug3

LaFemme

Welcome! The last few years I drank in the mornings...not sure how I did not get busted....once got to work and had to go take a nap in my case room because I was so "ill" ahem. I could never quit for more than a day or two. Once or twice I made it to day 5. I found SR on my first ever day 7. I now have 5 months and its like my life went from black and white to technicolor.

This is the best decision you will ever make.

yeahgr8

You're not pathetic! You might be an alcoholic and need to get help...for me i was quitting everyday in the end and i meant it but looking back what was i expecting...there were a lot of people that said i would have to change to stop drinking but i just thought if i stopped drinking everything would be ok but if it was that simple i would have stopped the first time i felt bad about doing it or at least moderated...the benchmark gets lower and lower so i hope you do something about it now...there is a real solution in AA if you look for it:-)

MsCooterBrown

Hi GabC! I drank in the morning on my weekends off..I would have done it in the morning before work but I always had a huge BIG fear of losing my job. The policy is..if you are suspected of being drunk you have to go in for a UA. If it tests positive you can either go to rehab..or get fired on the spot if you refuse. I had a huge aversion to both those options. BUT I put away my fair share at night into the wee hrs of the morning on plenty of occasions..I would guess my BAC was not where it should be. Just never got caught. I hung out with a group of hard core drinkers. We used to joke about Thank GOD it was Monday..go to work to sober up! The weird thing is..they have random drug testing. BUT they only test for pot and opiates. I have been picked twice (luck of the draw) so far and am grateful that I gave up pot yrs ago. I passed.
I have hung in with acting like a wild woman for 37 yrs. I have been drinking longer than you have been on this earth! I think I just want to say I envy you realizing you drink too much and wanting to quit. If you give it a couple of weeks..I think you will like sobriety. It is so much calmer. No more fear of the cops. No more stumbling around waking up tangled up in your shirt because you passed out while trying to get undressed. No more putting the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard. Well you get the idea. I LOVE BEING CLEAR HEADED NOW! Hang in there. Hope to hear more from you!

6yearsold

It took alot for to realize I was at a point where I couldn't go on. And, it does feel pathetic but let me share this with you..
"Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around."
Please take that and realize you can do this! I am only on day 3 and I am STRUGGLING trust me, I am- it is not easy but I know it can be done. Let the drinking in the morning literally be a "wake up call" and keepattending meetings and coming here. There is plenty of support here and sometimes its just nice to know you can go to place and GIVE encouragement(it helps my progress, I think). I am sending god vibes your way.

You might want to think about going to see your Doc and keeping an eye on your liver enzymes. Do not let alcohol own your body!

postparty82

GabC- I've had the same problems as you , as have many of us. We wake up feeling horrible, stomach hurts, liver is bloated, our bodies hurt and scream at us "NO MORE POISON!!" and we make a promise to ourselves in the morning, that we will never drink again. Then all the sudden 3, 4 pm hit and you start thinking "well I don't feel that bad, I got nothing else to do tonight" and we start the cycle over again. It all starts with 1 drink. Get rid of all the alcohol in the home and keep busy til the liquor stores close. Seek help. Don't drink. You are too young to be having liver problems! Don't cut your life short by 40 or 50 years just for booze! GOOD LUCK!

GabC

Just reading all the replies this morning with a clear head, and just want to thank you all for your kind words. This IS day 1.

wpainterw

Anna:
I prefer to think of it as an illness. "Disease" sounds like it's something catching or contagious, or something which can be "cured". "Illness" may suggest that it could have many "causes", genetic, cultural and, yes, moral choice. I agree with you that "character defects", a term often used in AA circles, may be inappropriate if it increases a person's sense of guilt. "Personality characteristics" (which can include non guilt laden factors such as shyness) may be more helpful.
But what's in a word anyway! The important thing is not what "causes" it but what to do about it.

Bill