New and nervous
 

Hi all,

I just found this forum and am excited to become a part of this. I want/need to stop drinking. I am definitely a problem drinker and it really bothers me. My mother is an alcoholic and my father is a problem drinker. I can feel myself slipping further down into addiction. It is my hope to stop this before it gets any worse and before my own children start down this path too. I couldn't stand hurting them or riuning their lives. I have tried several times in the past but have failed for whatever reason/excuse. I am grateful for any advise or support.

Thank you

Welcome, Biza. Lots of support and information here.

What did you try last time? Can you identify where you failed and if so, what are you willing to change to make this "time" the one that sticks?

Tried to stop for the last time two weeks ago. Before that maybe two months ago.

I think I understand why I failed. The process usually goes something like this:
I am happy/sad/miserable/worried/you name it any emotion so I feel that maybe just a bit of wine would make me feel better. It will take the edge off and smooth those feelings out a bit. Kind of the idea of drowning the feelings, if I can't feel then they wont bother me. If I am happy I feel it will help my celebration. Ultimately I love that fuzzy feeling. Wine is my poison. Once I open that bottle then entire thing goes. I just can't stop myself at one or two drinks like I used to. I won't open another bottle but a whole bottle of wine is too much!!

I am in a difficult marriage with someone who has his own issues and demons. None of them include addiction but they are interfering nonetheless. Unfortunately we have children and this has been a 20 year relationship. Its not so easy to remove myself from this. Although not everything can be blamed upon that one stressor. There are many other stressors in my life and I have to own my own behavior. I alone pick up that glass.

So, I think I am self medicating. I use it when I am lonely and sad quite a bit. It helps for that short period of time but then it just makes things worse later on.......... UGH I feel like I am in a terrible cycle.

Sorry, forgot to say what I am willing to do to change.

Really anything I need to. I am not sure where to start. What I have tried before just peters out and my resolve fails when I feel I can handle it again or when I convince myself that I need a drink. I am here thinking that with support and accountability I might be able to get over the first bit and take it day by day from there. I don't know?? I hope I can do it.

Welcome Biza, lots of outstanding people with really great advice here. Good luck on your journey...keep us posted.

Hi Biza, I too recall having to finish the bottle sometimes two!

Glad you made it this far! Any thoughts on in-person support group too?

Hey Biza,

Welcome to SR. Glad you decided to take a step in coming here, we're glad to have you.

With little exception everyone comes to this forum saying they don't know what to do. Two years ago that was me as well. I couldn't understand drinking and I couldn't understand not drinking. I had a million questions and not a lot of answers. I'm sorry you're in a tough spot, but I can assure you that you're not alone with this, and you are on the right direction already.

In the beginning it basically comes down to not falling for our own "just one to take the edge off" myths. And it's tough, because the addiction/problem makes us desperate and not too smart. There are a lot of ways people get past that. Some remind themselves of the last time they drank and how it didn't work. I myself used the trick of just saying "for the next hour, I'm going to get by without a drink" and repeated that until I was okay. There's even more than that.

Hope you'll hang around with us. If you need guidance or just some positive cheers, we're here for that. :)

-Isa

Welcome Biza

I did a lot of self medicating too - it was never really effective, and like you say put me in a cycle which in its way was much worse than the problems and stresses I was drinking over.

You'll find a lot of support here :)
Welcome
D

I've made it to day 7!

To be honest I am a little worried about the next few weeks. Its been a very long time that I have even had a day 7, let alone a day 2 or 3. But in the past it seems to be between day 7 through day whatever that I finally convince myself that I am just fine and can go right back to the destructive pattern.

Luckily I have no alcoholic holiday events to go to. The Christmas party is a sober one. Many of my friends are in recovery and plan healthy parties. The friends who are not in recovery know I really need to not be around alcohol right now and we are scheduling social events during the day. With the exception of one friend who is just convinced this is a phase for me and keeps offering to take me out for shots and beers. UGH. I am working on him.

So, is it just will power at this point?

You've taken the first step. Don't give up on yourself no matter what. Even if you relapse or only can cut back right now. And tell your brain to shut up when it says things that aren't healthy. Sometimes you can even agree with your brain but fool it. They say to tell it "yeah, I'll have another drink sometime, in a hundred years, ok brain".

Welcome Biza. Hang out and read here for a while whenever you want to pick up that glass of wine. It helped me a lot. We never seem to know "how" to stop. I finally figured out I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Help yourself by a visit to your Doctor. Also, get some support. Be it AA, a counselor or here at SR.
Best Wishes To You!

:grouphug:

Welcome to the family and big congrats on your sober week.:) Willpower will work for some, for others they need a support system in place, people to call to talk to when they're feeling weak. Times like that a lot of people come here to 'tell on themselves' before they cave in to the urge to drink.

:hug:

I think the tough part about this disease is no one can tell you whether you are an alcoholic or not. And there is a very fine line between a problem drinker and the real alcoholic. The problem drinker given sufficient reason can stop or moderate, while the real alcoholic cannot. I am the real alcoholic.

What helped me when I first got sober was going to meetings and listening to what people were saying. Not just there war stories but really listening. I could identify with the feelings these people were having. I could relate when someone said I was miserable when I went out with a crowd that socially drank for a work function and sat there saying it was pointless for me to be there unless they drank more.

I think it is just keep reading here what others write. Asking questions. Even if it asking people to share there experience. I didnt end up in AA because I wanted a new social network, I ended up there because I suspected I had a problem and learned that I did and was loved by other people because of this.

So welcome, just keep reading, asking questions, and maybe hit a few meetings. Your journey is your journey and I am glad you have started it and that in itself is a miracle.

Biza, It sounds wonderful that you have so many people in your circle that are sober and have plans for fun parties. I gotta get me some of those people.

I would not be able to be friends with someone who encouraged me knowing I wanted to stop, that would break me down so fast. I only have 5 days, I am worried about this weekend. It has everything to do with will power for me, a good plan and as I have heard over and over, I just do not have to drink this minute or hour, not at this party, not right now. I'll give myself til tomorrow and think about it again. That's my plan.

Hi Biza

Congratulations on day 7 :)

It had been a very long time since I had a day 7 too, but people here told me as long as I continued to work hard I'd be ok, and I was...in the recovery business you really do get out what you put in :)

Personally I don't think willpower is the key at all. I'm very strong willed, but that never helped me stay sober.

What did help me was accepting my condition - I fully accepted I was an alcoholic and that drinking alcohol was no longer a viable choice for me, under any circumstances.

For me, that took a lot of the internal struggle out.

D

Way to go on getting 7 days! I have to agree with Dee on the willpower thing. I think when I finally realized I had no willpower when it came to alcohol, I was able to accept that I was going to have to find help/support (like you're doing now).

I know what will happen if I pick up a drink. I won't be happy with one (or two or three, or only one night of getting drunk). I was scared to stop and scared to keep drinking.

Things really do get better, though, so hang in there!

Hi there and welcome, hope you find the support you need here. It is a good place to start!