NEOMARXIST

At the time then all of those times with your head in your hands crying and despairing seem so terrible. The hopeless realisation and look of despair on the people witnessing your tears that you'll be ending up back in the same position only a few days/weeks later. So depressing and hopeless.

I think what has helped me so much is that I feel like I went down low enough for me personally to have the full realisation and reality of my alcoholic condition. I knew that for me then if I didn't get sober then I would ultimately die from drinking in one way or another, most probably from OD or suicide. I remember I often didn't care to be honest and I almost liked that feeling of danger and recklessness with my life during my binges. I knew that I could obviously keep going lower and lower but I knew I was at the lowest I could go mentally and still recover. Any lower and I think i wouldn't have been able to see the point in recovering and staying sober. I guess I hit my own persoanl rock bottom and I'm so grateful for that.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am grateful for all of the bad times that I experinced as without them I wouldn't still be sober. I could have made up rationalisations as why I wasn't an alcoholic and so didn't need to commit to sobriety and recovery.

Bad times, at the times are terrible, but with time sober and with decent recovery then you can actually view them as neccessary parts of your story and journey.

I know without doubt I'm an alcoholic and addict and I'm so grateful for that.

Although you may not be able to see it, the bad times may actually be the things that enable your life to turn around. BUT I have to priortise my recovery above all else in my life as I know that I could easily lose everything very quickly as all it would take is one drink. I have a healthy respect of alcohol and it plays no part in my life anymore but I never get complacent as I know that would be the beginning of the end for this alkie.

peace

24hrsAday

My Worst Day Sober.. is Better Than My Best Day Drunk!

LaFemme

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger:-)

johndelko408

I am in total agreement with you on this one Neo. If not for the memories of the terrible things I've done, the horrible depths I went to and the people I've hurt I could not stay sober today. Without those memories that I literally embrace I would not know why I stopped drinking, using and partying. Those memories are my daily reminders of the place in my life I don't ever want to be again. Only in my mind do I return there so that I can re-live the pain I inflicted upon my loved ones, people I encountered and myself. I'm so greatful for this gift of sobriety that was so freely given to me, for it has allowed me to start LIVING a meaningful life. A life with purpose, a LIFE and not just a mere pitiful existence.

"We will not regret our past, nor wish to shut the door on it."

Soberween

What's that saying.."I needed every single drink I had to get me here?" Or something to that affect. Very true what you stated. :-)

Isaiah

My general attitude while in active addiction was that pain was bad, and if you felt pain the point was to make it stop.

After so much unsuccessful numbing it had to hit me that pain is just a sign of something being wrong that needs to be fixed, not unfelt. I'm glad that the pain I was causing myself in drinking got so bad. I'm glad I went through **** for a while to get me to stop, rather than just have blissfully gone to my death of liver failure at 35.

Dee74

Everything, good and bad, that I have experienced makes me who I am today - and today I like the end result LOL

Thanks Neo
D

Draciack

Thomas Wayne: And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up

coffeenut

Never thought I would keep a couple of horrible memories in my hip pocket...just to keep me sober.

I'm never going back....one day at a time....I'm never going back.

Thanks, Neo.

Impurrfect

(((Neo))) - some of us were discussing something similar on another thread. I had to take an "assessment test" as part of a job application, and a lot of the questions were about personality.

One question asked "do you regret things you've done in the past?" I'm thinking I failed that question, because they probably thought EVERYONE regrets something. But, thanks to recovery, I know that, like ((Dee)) said - "Everything, good and bad, that I have experienced makes me who I am today - and today I like the end result".

Thanks for the great thread!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsCooterBrown

I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me. -- Dr. Seuss

I LOVE DR. SEUSS!!!!!! What a genuis!

DayTrader

I had some great times IN my addiction... those occasional days/nights where I didn't over-do it too much, laughed all day with friends, partied into the night, didn't get in any arguments...went to bed happy and woke up with little to no hangover and no regrets.

On the flip side, I've had some downright scary days in recovery. Days where I've been so depressed, scared, or confused that I didn't know WHAT to do. Days where I feel like everything is blowing up in my face and my life is going to hell in a hand-basket.

I'd gladly trade my worst days in sobriety for my best days in my addiction - in a second.

That said, however.... the "payoff" for those crumby days in sobriety has been far greater than for those good days drunk. Those good times came and went.......and all I've got is a somewhat foggy memory of "the good times." Other than for a bit of nostalgia, I don't see much good from them anymore. Those bad days though.......having lived through them and walked away with a LOT of new information and new techniques.... they're a huge blessing in disguise.

The best, most important and most significant things I've learned have come on the heels of the "bad times." Not only were they hugely responsible for most of my growth, they've also been highly useful when it comes to helping others - especially folks who are going through the same things I've experienced and lived to talk about.......and did it all sober. Anyone can stay sober on the "easy days" but it's the tough ones......when life throws us a curve ball......those lonely nights, the day after we get fired or divorced, or the days we're just bummed out when, out of nowhere (wink wink) someone seems to show up who's had that same experience and can talk us through it.

Don't get me wrong.....the fun/easy days are the best.....but I needed and still need all the horrible ones if I'm going to really learn and grow as a person.

So far anyway, everything that seemed like "the worst thing ever" late in my addiction and early in my sobriety turned out to be very VERY necessary parts of the path to get me to where I am now. So, in reality, those "worst of times" really turned out to be exactly what I needed, when and where I needed it....only I couldn't see that at the time.

Rusty Zipper

my affliction,

is my salvation...

Kmber2010

Good share.