DrunkenBasement

I finally decided two weeks ago that I couldn't do it alone, and I attended my first AA meeting. I actually enjoyed it. I hadn't received such a warm welcome anywhere in a long time. I was sober for ten days, then skipped some meetings, got too confident and a little bored, and went on a 3-day binge. So now I am back at day two.
I went to a meeting today and it is really interesting (to say the least) how things seem to happen for a reason. I had never been to this particular meeting before, and I was still sort of beating myself up over my relapse, and the discussion at this meeting turned very quickly to relapses. I know it is not uncommon, but it was helpful to listen to others in the room describe their own experiences with it.
I also know that to get the most benefit out of meetings, I need to contribute. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I'm not the most outgoing person, so it can be difficult for me at times. I still feel like I am going to break down and cry almost every time I try to speak, and so sometimes I just don't. Then I feel like I am doing myself a disservice when I leave a meeting without having said anything. It seems like everyone else has these powerful things to say and I just don't have much to add. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Does it get easier with time?

suki44883

Yes, like anything else, you will become more comfortable the more you go. Many people just listen the first several times they go. Of course, you realize that just attending meetings isn't likely to keep you sober. You should really listen to the people there, find someone who has long-term sobriety and see if they will sponsor you. Getting a sponsor and working the steps is what AA is truly all about. Still, it's great that you enjoy going. That, in itself, is a pretty huge hurdle.

DrunkenBasement

Thanks, suki. I actually have a sponsor already -- a friend that has been sober for 7 years. I've enjoyed most of the meetings. THe second one I went to was uncomfortable, and I am thankful that it was the SECOND and not the FIRST, because if it had been, I probably would not have gone back! Anyway, thanks for responding. I will keep going!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I don't use AA, but I do know that I was very emotional in early recovery. I think you're doing great and I'm glad you're seeking support.

DrunkenBasement

Emotional! Yes! I am extremely emotional. I know it is mostly my brain recovering from years of alcohol abuse... I think I could actually feel my brain chemistry changing during the past year. Scary. That and knowing what I am going to be going through over the next who knows how long, with AA and the steps and the spiritual awakening. I want it. I really do. Thanks for the support everyone.

RGB

Congratulations on taking some big steps in your life! These first days have been an emotional roller-coaster

You can do it!

Itchy

DB,
I just got back from my home group meeting a couple of hours ago. One of the newest members shared and cried but shared anyway. Someone here, I think it was, said that his or her six year old said "it's OK to cry, that's God's way of cleaning you out!"

Just remember, and this is my way of writing it:
"I am not losing my mind, alcohol already took it away. I am just picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together again. Some of the pieces are missing. So I get to make new ones that fit in the whole (Pun int.)."

SwanSong

I think your presence is offering more to the group that you are even aware of. I feel blessed by everyone who sits in the room with me at least...whether they are on day 1 or day 9125.

Dee74

Welcome aboard DB
If you want it - you'll get it....more power to you

D

DrunkenBasement

That is too cute! Thanks, Itchy.

Thanks to EVERYONE for their comments and support. I went to a meeting today and I am thinking about making it my home group. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it feels right when I am there and I love it. I wish this group would meet every day instead of only once a week. I have other meetings that I have gone to and I get something out of every one, but this one is somewhere I feel I belong.

Mark75

Yea, that happened to me too, I knew pretty quick when I found my home group. Keep going back!! I have two meetings a week I love... but yea, I had to go to a few to really find my place.

Don't feel like you have to say anything... The important thing, especially at first, is to listen and learn... identify with those whom you can. You'll know when the time has come to share your own experience, strength and hope.

Welcome to SR

least

WElcome DB. I 'did' AA a lot in early recovery, now, not so much, but I do like to go to my home group meetings. It's a discussion group and I learn a lot from others' sharing. And no, you don't have to speak if you don't want to. Sometimes it's just as good, or better, to just listen.