juans

First to introduce my self my name is juan im 27 yrs old from colorado. I have 2 kids 6 and 1. I also drink. It is hard for me to say i have a problem cause at times i dont belive i do. I can go a week without a drink and there is times where i go weeks without NOT drinking. I mostly drink beer and when i do i have been known to drink a 12 pack a night and there as been a time or 2 where i have drank a case a night. I dont know how many times ive overdrafted my bank account to purchase alchol and i dont know how many days i missed with my klds cause id rather be out drinking then coming home after work. And work i have no idea how i still have a job. Ive called in sick cause i was to drunk and hungover to show up. Ive took vacation time just to stay home so i could go out to the bars during the day. But i really didnt realize how serious my issues were until i lost my family. i was with the love of my life for 4 years. And have a 1 yr old son with her. My drinking lead to me talking to other women the alchol lead me to going to strip clubs and spending my families money. This is stuff i would not do while i was sober. As a result my love moved to arizona with my kid. she dont trust me to have him cause when i drink i will drive. Ive even drove drunk with my 6 yr old. Its not that im a bad person i mean i love my kids and never want to hurt them. Im also a firefighter and i havent shifted in 2 months cause my drinking prevents me. I feel so odd blaming the alchol for my problems since i chose to drink drinking dont chose me. What do i do? where do i go?

Dee74

Hi Juans

Coming here is a good step - you'll find a lot of help and support.

Whether you're a daily drinker or a less regular one, a lot of us like the 'one day a time' approach - making a commitment daily not to drink.

Have you thought of face to face support a recovery group like AA or something similar?

Here's some links to some of the main players
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

You should also consider seeing your Dr if you've drunk heavily for a while, even if it's not everyday, it can be just as bad healthwise.

Welcome to SR!
D

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

It's really hard to look at the messes that we cause ourselves when we drink.

And, you're right - you're not a bad person. Alcoholism isn't a character defect, it's a disease.

In my opinion, as long as you don't fully accept that alcohol is a problem for you, it will be really hard to recover. It takes a lot of motivation and I think that you need to know that drinking is no longer an option for you, in order for it to work.

Have you talked to your dr because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous? Take a look around here and read and learn. And, we are here to offer support.

LawMama

Many of us have lost loved ones and mistreated our kids due to drinking. Somewhere there is a list of questions to ask yourself to identify if you might have a drinking problem, but I'm not sure where that list is. For me the ultimate question was, if I want to stop, can I? And the answer was no....I tried to stop and couldn't and ultimately AA was the way I was able to (so far

Welcome to the forum....lots of support here.

Isaiah

Hey Juans,

Welcome to the club of people who have lost a lot.

Where to go? There are a lot of places you can go but I would advise one purpose in mind. It's a simple idea but not so easy to execute, you have to get sober. Fixing your family, your career, all of that wont mean a thing in the world unless you can get past that thing in your life that kept wrecking things for you, the alcohol.

People go to AA, they hang out regularly at SR, they go to addiction counseling, or they find a book to guide them through an independent quit. You have to do something, something more than just say you're going to quit. You have to put effort into some sort of program, plan or means to remain sober.

As for your family. No one can make any promises that sobriety will fix problems that have come up. I wish I could tell you that getting sober will bring your family back to you, but that's not certain. However, if you want to make repairs to your life then sobriety is necessary before any changes are going to happen. Fix yourself, with patience and self-love, and good things will follow.

juans

This is so hard. I know getting sober will not bring my family back i have to do alot more then stop drinking. Im sure it will be one heck of a ride. I do appriciate there are people here who have been threw it and can help me. As far as aa goes ive never been much of a person who could talk to large or even small crowds of people. i think a one on one type of help would be best. I dont have health insurance and cant go to a doctor to get my self checked out. I worry alot about my health along with my emotional issues. I never thought that brown bottle would do so much to ruin my life. I hope that this site will help me out

Toronto68

Juan, I wish I could just pull you out of the guilt and/or fear, but I can't - no more than I can create forgiveness for you or create an instant quit. If you are going to stop drinking, you can use the things you said here as encouragement to stay that way. But I think you will also need to act and not just think and regret. It's normal to want to just lie in the "bed" we've made, but you have to get out of it, every day. I don't know how to explain how to stop, because I am not every other person. I also don't know if I would ever be able to quit again, and I would rather leave it that way (not knowing). But that's where I started.

I hope you will keep using the site. You can get something from different experiences.

I think once you have posted 5 times, you get to send private messages and connect with friends, like on Facebook. I'll try to remember to check for you later or tomorrow, etc.

BKP

Allow healing to set you free. Honestly you mentioned spending money around strip clubs "family money". Been there, I use to say i needed gas money so i could buy some 40 's and then walk three miles because i was out of gas telling my wife otherwise, you came to the right place. Check out AA. This website is a gift it continues to keep me clean when i continue to work the steps and go to AA meetings and talk with others.

least

Giving up drinking won't necessarily solve your family problems but it will solve your drinking problem. But you'll need something to take the place that alcohol took in your life. I'm filling that hole in my soul with gratitude and kindness to others. And it's keeping me sober every day.

Welcome to the family!

artsoul

Welcome, Juan - I had days when I thought "I'm not that bad" either, but after some sobriety the picture got a lot clearer. And with alcoholism it always gets worse, not better.

Reaching out for suppport isn't easy, but it necessary if we're to stay sober. Give yourself the best chance and get all the support you can. Doctors aren't cheap, I know, but neither is alcohol!

Glad you're here - keep reading and posting.

Isaiah

Juan, you know "where there is a will there is a way." I can relate to the lack of health insurance and the shyness of associating with groups. But one thing about getting sober following a long time of drinking is that you're going to have to get used to falling out of your comfort zone, a lot. Drinking was for most of us the comforter. To be sober, healthy and happier you're going to have to challenge yourself with new ways of coping with life. You might want to build yourself up to try a meeting or hunt down the free/low cost medical services in your area.

But those things can come in time. Hope you're doing well on the day to day break from alcohol. Always let us know if we can help.

thisisforellie

Here is a quiz that might help:

Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST), Revised

MsCooterBrown

Hi Juan. I don't do AA but I have seen several posts where people say they do not MAKE you speak. You can grab a chair in the back and just listen. I use SR ..books and my own nightmare memories of some of the things I have done in the past under the influence. That helps keep me sober. This site is great..when I first registered I think I spent 11 hrs reading everything. Someone is usually on 24 hrs a day. I do have to tell you..give it some time. I will bet once you get thru the first few weeks you will see how much better you feel. You will see things more clearly too. Good luck to you Mister!

KafkaX

Its pretty clear to me you have a problem...You are drinking at the exspense of not only your well being, but your family's. You endanger your kids (not to mention yourself and all the lives of other people on the road) by driving drunk...You are taking money intended for your family, using it on alcohol which leads you to talking to other women and not to the "love of your life"...Are you truly aware of your actions?

I dont want to come across as judging because Im not and that is not my intention. Ive been where you are and Ive done far worse things when I was drinking and using. I just needed people to smack me up and make me realize what I was doing because I was blinded by drugs and alcohol.

Its great that you are asking for direction and Im not one to tell people what to do but since you asked..You need to go to a meeting and share what you just wrote here. The rest will follow accordingly.

I wish you luck.

SwanSong

Hi Juan, I don't think you could make matters any worse by attending an AA meeting or two - you do not need to raise your hand, announce yourself as an alcoholic and a newcomer, share what is going on with you, you can just sit in the back and listen. Then again, if you choose to do any or all of the above you might just find somebody(s) come talk to you after the meeting, face to face, who have BEEN exactly where you are at now and tell you how they found a way Out. I know I couldn't stop on my own and I use these forums, AA and other resources - this is the most serious business we will ever deal with, ever. Good luck and thanks for sharing, that's a good first step.

BTW- Juan, in case you didn't know- AA if 100% FREE. I strongly encourage you to check it out..again, can it make matters any worse to try a few meetings? Sorry, don't mean to come off strong it's just there is help available I hope you consider it. Heck, maybe if you don't 'like' AA, you can use it until you have the $$ or insurance etc. to get help with a counselor etc. ....key thing is, get that help however you need to!!!!!!

Keep coming back, and thanks again for sharing.

juans

I appreciate all the positive feedback from everyone. I am so glad i found this site i cant stop reading all the stories on here. I am sitting here at home day 2 and have not had a drink. What a huge accomplishment meaning on most days like this when i take a day off i would already be buzzin. It felt good not waking up with a hangover this morning but i still felt so tired and weak. My daughter has pink eye so i stood home with her. I called my son this morning also talked to him then my ex and i started talking about my problem. I told her i was going to seek help then told her i got on this site and told people what was going on with my self. Although she seems alittle resistint to me and doesnt 100% belive that i am going to change. And not to say i could blame her. she also seemed happy that i admited finally to having a problem. I know im just going on over here but i just feel good abot the small progress i have made in just a 24 hr period. It is going to be a tough road but i have hope. Im hoping to just keep this thread open and use it as a day to day progress report if you all dont mind. Either way any more advice would still be great.

Dee74

I think actions speak louder than words Juan. Just keep going, one day at a time, and do it for you - become the man you want to be.

Do it genuinely and give it your all, and others will see the fundamental change in you.

D

Toronto68

Juans, I am really happy to read that.

I have noticed threads that newcomers start and then keep adding to for months, sometimes years.

I'm not an expert, but sometimes I think it's important to realize and remember that quitting and the movement away from drinking is something that is important to oneself first and foremost, as selfish as that sounds. So as you go along, I think it's possible you will find yourself thinking, "I am doing this for her and for them, I am going to make them happy, I can be the father I should be," etc. There's nothing wrongheaded about wanting to be a better person for people that matter, but there's something about alcoholism that requires that we own it, that we are doing it for ourselves first. I came to understand that while reading people here, and it still makes sense to me so far.

Don't put tomorrow and next week and next year before today, and take inches not miles. Watch yourself get stronger at that pace, and you will begin to notice it does not seem very slow as one day goes by at a time. Keep your body in use too. (This helped me. If I get into the blues, I actually feel better after I have at least walked around for 30 or 60 minutes.) You might get tired a few days from now, and if so, just do what you can without hurting yourself.

I don't go to AA, but if you have questions about it, you should keep asking them. Lots of other people can help with them.

Itchy

Juan,
You said: "I can go a week without a drink and there is times where i go weeks without NOT drinking."

One of the things we all have been guilty of is doing the same things over and over again that have not worked in the past, and expect to get different results . . . which is insane.

You have effectively brushed off any suggestions to add some new support tools to your toolbox. AA is free but you have said it won't work for you because you are uncomfortable speaking to a crowd. Juan you also said you can't afford counseling. We all have been there and said those things trying to stay undercover and do it alone.

If you brought your car to a mechanic and he opened his toolbox and had only one tool in there then said he could overhaul your motor with just that one tool, maybe he could, but what are the chances?

No one makes it through sobriety alone for good. See you don't have to talk at an AA meeting. You can just sit and listen. I go to two meetings a week and love it. And I am not the church going type. We have first timers come in and know how thery feel because we were first timers once too. I am only sober since September 21st of this year.

I can afford counseling as my military retirement covers that. I did that for awhile but AA gave me something precious like here. A place where I could be myself, and say what I felt as a recovering alcoholic to other good folks who have been there and done it. Were I you I'd go to several AA meetings and the worst thing that can happen is you will learn about the other resources in your area if you ask. Many free.

I can relate because at my first meeting I told them I was just observing and after the meeting when they invited me to come back I told them maybe I would and maybe I would not. They did not push then or since. I take what I can use and leave the rest. I have friends there now, real friends.

Whatever you decide, for goodness sake don't do exactly the same things you did that did not work for you in the past. Coming here is a good first step. We have cops in uniform at our meetings that are members, doctors, nurses, and even military active and retired. None of whom you'd think was an alcoholic on the street walking by.

I have been right where you are now. I am glad I got the tools to get the job done.