Hello! My first post & story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: West Coast, Australia
Posts: 319
Hello! My first post & story
Hello everyone
This is a wonderful website. I've been reading the forum for several weeks and have found it enormously helpful. Here is my story (sorry for the point form but I think it's easier to read).
- 50 years old
- Didn't drink much until I was 38
- Got into the world of red wine, types, decant, breathe, swill, sip, body, quality ("I taste a little tobacco/chocolate/travel?") BS
- Within a few years, graduated to a bottle of red each night
Low points
- Around 2008, realised that one bottle wasn't enough
- woke up worried about having to wait until 5pm to open a bottle
(5pm was my "rule")
- fell down a staircase and realised I had to do something
- my children not getting the best from me
2009 (early)
- I made an action plan and in descending order of importance to me were:
1/ Made Commitment to make me the "project", ie, I'm number one
2/ Read "Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol";
this really helped to understand alcohol = devastation not fun; used the trick that withdrawal symptoms are like the flu and pretended as such
3/ Immersed myself into Eckhart Tolle "The Power of Now" but bought the CD's and listened over and over again; now understand the chronic disease of the dominance of the mind and the incesant thinking (what a relief - we are not what we think)
4/ Had 5 sessions of acupuncture; this helped reduce the withdrawals
5/ Made the enemy voice (the stinkin" thinkin" voice) the passive voice; then learnt to silently scream back at it, with profanities//whatever
6/ Read books
7/ Kept brainwashing myself by saying 100 times that I'm a non-drinker
8/ Told myself this is the New Me.
For a good 6 months, I avoided situations where I could be tempted - suggested breakfasts and not dinners!
Reading about others on this forum, I believe that my "rock bottom" was not as low as a lot of others. HOWEVER!
I would go along for several months and then something great would happen and my achillies heel, that little voice would say "I deserve to have a nice glass of wine or two..." So, for several days, I'd be drinking again (at night).
For me, I realised that my list above was missing one thing - constant work; I noticed that if I didn't spend some time each morning reinforcing in some way, my non-drinking, I could be prone to slipping up.
Oh, by the way, cutting back or drinking casually was a joke! What a joke! Perhaps I had to fail ?? number of times to realise that there is no middle ground.
Allen Carr talks about drinking alcohol is like landing on the venus fly trap. It's just a matter of where you are - once started, you are trapped. I'd say 90% of my friends are trapped.
I have a daughter in her late teens. The only advice I give her regarding boyfriends is pick one that doesn't have a booze problem. She's learnt - perhaps it's been the subtle hints I've given. She says her girlfriends haven't learnt like she has (ie, throwing up each weekend).
So, I'm thinking that my number 9 is reading this forum each day. If that fails, then I'll try AA. Again, I'm okay but it peeves me that sometimes "the problem has me" and not "I had a problem" (quote from last week's Carrie Fisher's performance "Wishful Drinking").
I've never told my wife that I'm an alcoholic. I've come close! But I've managed to get most of the way by myself.
All the best guys! Believe in yourself, you are number one. And thankyou!
Rosco (Stop date: 22 Nov 2010)
This is a wonderful website. I've been reading the forum for several weeks and have found it enormously helpful. Here is my story (sorry for the point form but I think it's easier to read).
- 50 years old
- Didn't drink much until I was 38
- Got into the world of red wine, types, decant, breathe, swill, sip, body, quality ("I taste a little tobacco/chocolate/travel?") BS
- Within a few years, graduated to a bottle of red each night
Low points
- Around 2008, realised that one bottle wasn't enough
- woke up worried about having to wait until 5pm to open a bottle
(5pm was my "rule")
- fell down a staircase and realised I had to do something
- my children not getting the best from me
2009 (early)
- I made an action plan and in descending order of importance to me were:
1/ Made Commitment to make me the "project", ie, I'm number one
2/ Read "Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol";
this really helped to understand alcohol = devastation not fun; used the trick that withdrawal symptoms are like the flu and pretended as such
3/ Immersed myself into Eckhart Tolle "The Power of Now" but bought the CD's and listened over and over again; now understand the chronic disease of the dominance of the mind and the incesant thinking (what a relief - we are not what we think)
4/ Had 5 sessions of acupuncture; this helped reduce the withdrawals
5/ Made the enemy voice (the stinkin" thinkin" voice) the passive voice; then learnt to silently scream back at it, with profanities//whatever
6/ Read books
7/ Kept brainwashing myself by saying 100 times that I'm a non-drinker
8/ Told myself this is the New Me.
For a good 6 months, I avoided situations where I could be tempted - suggested breakfasts and not dinners!
Reading about others on this forum, I believe that my "rock bottom" was not as low as a lot of others. HOWEVER!
I would go along for several months and then something great would happen and my achillies heel, that little voice would say "I deserve to have a nice glass of wine or two..." So, for several days, I'd be drinking again (at night).
For me, I realised that my list above was missing one thing - constant work; I noticed that if I didn't spend some time each morning reinforcing in some way, my non-drinking, I could be prone to slipping up.
Oh, by the way, cutting back or drinking casually was a joke! What a joke! Perhaps I had to fail ?? number of times to realise that there is no middle ground.
Allen Carr talks about drinking alcohol is like landing on the venus fly trap. It's just a matter of where you are - once started, you are trapped. I'd say 90% of my friends are trapped.
I have a daughter in her late teens. The only advice I give her regarding boyfriends is pick one that doesn't have a booze problem. She's learnt - perhaps it's been the subtle hints I've given. She says her girlfriends haven't learnt like she has (ie, throwing up each weekend).
So, I'm thinking that my number 9 is reading this forum each day. If that fails, then I'll try AA. Again, I'm okay but it peeves me that sometimes "the problem has me" and not "I had a problem" (quote from last week's Carrie Fisher's performance "Wishful Drinking").
I've never told my wife that I'm an alcoholic. I've come close! But I've managed to get most of the way by myself.
All the best guys! Believe in yourself, you are number one. And thankyou!
Rosco (Stop date: 22 Nov 2010)
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Welcome, Rosco.
Sounds like a very familiar story, but it's great to hear you managed to realize what was going on before the bottoms really started dropping. A lot of people resist until all the ground starts slipping away; and, as alcoholism is progressive it's fortunate you got here so quick.
I've been quitting (off and on success) for about three years and I still dislike the idea that even on a lovely, sober morning like this I am still as much an alcoholic as ever. I think one thing I'm coming to realize is that my drinking problem is the only major thing involved, the alcohol that I am giving up is not.
Hope you find this place useful. And AA is always going to be around if you feel like adding a 10th to your list (sometimes it's nice just having the face-to-face if nothing else.)
-Isa
Sounds like a very familiar story, but it's great to hear you managed to realize what was going on before the bottoms really started dropping. A lot of people resist until all the ground starts slipping away; and, as alcoholism is progressive it's fortunate you got here so quick.
I've been quitting (off and on success) for about three years and I still dislike the idea that even on a lovely, sober morning like this I am still as much an alcoholic as ever. I think one thing I'm coming to realize is that my drinking problem is the only major thing involved, the alcohol that I am giving up is not.
Hope you find this place useful. And AA is always going to be around if you feel like adding a 10th to your list (sometimes it's nice just having the face-to-face if nothing else.)
-Isa
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family!!
Congrats on your sober time. Lots of members here are staying sober just using this site. For me, I depend heavily on this site (visiting daily) and my weekly sessions with my wonderful addiction counselor. I did AA in early recovery and still go to my home group meeting at least twice a month.
I'm glad you found us and joined the family!
Congrats on your sober time. Lots of members here are staying sober just using this site. For me, I depend heavily on this site (visiting daily) and my weekly sessions with my wonderful addiction counselor. I did AA in early recovery and still go to my home group meeting at least twice a month.I'm glad you found us and joined the family!
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi Rosco - Welcome!
You sound pretty organized and like you have a plan for yourself. I too am this way, so I identified with your approach.
What has taken me almost a couple of years to realize is that I'm not in control. A big part of my problem is that I like to be organized in my approach and therefore believe that "I am in control of my recovery", when the truth is, I'm not.
This concept of surrender is really tough for those of us who just don't think this way. I want to solve it myself as I've solved so many other things in the past. My gut is to refuse to give anything away to a higher power (or any other human being, for that matter).
But, what I found incredibly freeing was learning how to see things in my life that I had no business trying to control and giving them up to the universe (or for me, my Higher Power). When I realized that I lot of what happens in life is actually out of my control, I relaxed a lot and this made my recovery easier. I opened up to others and allowed others to help me. It became an oxymoron for me -- by surrendering, I won. Pretty counter-intuitive.
I'm not religious at all, but I love AA and find it really fun to go now. I have a lot of friends there and I am able to help other people now.
Keep working on a program of recovery. For me that is AA + SR + working with other alcoholics.
Glad you are here.
You sound pretty organized and like you have a plan for yourself. I too am this way, so I identified with your approach.
What has taken me almost a couple of years to realize is that I'm not in control. A big part of my problem is that I like to be organized in my approach and therefore believe that "I am in control of my recovery", when the truth is, I'm not.
This concept of surrender is really tough for those of us who just don't think this way. I want to solve it myself as I've solved so many other things in the past. My gut is to refuse to give anything away to a higher power (or any other human being, for that matter).
But, what I found incredibly freeing was learning how to see things in my life that I had no business trying to control and giving them up to the universe (or for me, my Higher Power). When I realized that I lot of what happens in life is actually out of my control, I relaxed a lot and this made my recovery easier. I opened up to others and allowed others to help me. It became an oxymoron for me -- by surrendering, I won. Pretty counter-intuitive.
I'm not religious at all, but I love AA and find it really fun to go now. I have a lot of friends there and I am able to help other people now.
Keep working on a program of recovery. For me that is AA + SR + working with other alcoholics.
Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!!
This is one of my main supports. I've gone to meetings in the past, still used what I learned there, but rely on SR and some f2f friends/family. We each find our own way into recovery, and the lucky ones don't have to hit as far a bottom as others.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
This is one of my main supports. I've gone to meetings in the past, still used what I learned there, but rely on SR and some f2f friends/family. We each find our own way into recovery, and the lucky ones don't have to hit as far a bottom as others.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Hi Rosco:
Good for you for making a plan and recognizing the insidious nature of the disease. I could relate to much of what you wrote.
I, too, didn't tell my husband that I was an alcoholic the first time I tried to get my arms around my problem. Shrugged off a lot of his questions about the addiction books littering the shelves and bedside table. Said I was reading them to get a better handle on my parents. Truth is, I was ashamed to tell him I had a problem and secretly worried that he'd think less of me if I slipped and couldn't maintain sobriety. By not talking about it, I thought I was keeping it hidden -- I was a pretty quiet drunk. But he knew and today I think that my behavior was pretty selfish -- he was/is my partner. Of course he'd want to help.
I'm trying to be more open today in reaching out for support, but that doesn't come easy for me. You're doing the right thing by getting the SR conversation going.
All the best to you in your journey. It's hard, but worth it!
ddog
Good for you for making a plan and recognizing the insidious nature of the disease. I could relate to much of what you wrote.
I, too, didn't tell my husband that I was an alcoholic the first time I tried to get my arms around my problem. Shrugged off a lot of his questions about the addiction books littering the shelves and bedside table. Said I was reading them to get a better handle on my parents. Truth is, I was ashamed to tell him I had a problem and secretly worried that he'd think less of me if I slipped and couldn't maintain sobriety. By not talking about it, I thought I was keeping it hidden -- I was a pretty quiet drunk. But he knew and today I think that my behavior was pretty selfish -- he was/is my partner. Of course he'd want to help.
I'm trying to be more open today in reaching out for support, but that doesn't come easy for me. You're doing the right thing by getting the SR conversation going.
All the best to you in your journey. It's hard, but worth it!
ddog
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Welcome to SR Rosco - good to have another Aussie here 
That little voice got me time and again...until I found meyslf an all day every day drinker and it nearly killed me. Now that voice can go jump.
I know that drinking is not a viable option for me anymore. I can be who I want to be or I can drink, but I can't do both.
Not dying is also a pretty good incentive LOL
This place helped me a lot in getting to where I am now - I know you'll find help here too.
Welcome
D
That little voice got me time and again...until I found meyslf an all day every day drinker and it nearly killed me. Now that voice can go jump.
I know that drinking is not a viable option for me anymore. I can be who I want to be or I can drink, but I can't do both.
Not dying is also a pretty good incentive LOL
This place helped me a lot in getting to where I am now - I know you'll find help here too.
Welcome
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
It sounds like you're doing well, Rocco and there's lots of support here.
I LOVED Carrie Fisher's 'Wishful Drinking'.
And, it was reading Eckhart Tolle when I first understood that my thoughts and feelings didn't control me. I had honestly believed that I was at the whim of whatever thoughts and feelings crossed my mind. That was huge for me.
I LOVED Carrie Fisher's 'Wishful Drinking'.
And, it was reading Eckhart Tolle when I first understood that my thoughts and feelings didn't control me. I had honestly believed that I was at the whim of whatever thoughts and feelings crossed my mind. That was huge for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: West Coast, Australia
Posts: 319
Hello everyone!
Thankyou for your kind words.
NewMe11109 - you got me in one! I'm the "if you want it done properly, then do it yourself" guy. I love to plan so you can see I made "me" the project. I have carefully considered what you've said about letting go. It's scary for me to think about do that but I will if say, by early next year, it's work to stay sober.
Dee74 - it's was interesting to hear your comments about your "little voice"; what I've said to that "little voice" can't be repeated but I'm proud that I silently said them!
Allen Carr made it easy for me to understand that casual drinking was just another trap door. But, I went ahead and proved that casual drinking was a disaster to me (time and time again).
So, again, thanks for the welcome and the support.
Rosco.
ForMe,Alcohol=Devastation.
Thankyou for your kind words.
NewMe11109 - you got me in one! I'm the "if you want it done properly, then do it yourself" guy. I love to plan so you can see I made "me" the project. I have carefully considered what you've said about letting go. It's scary for me to think about do that but I will if say, by early next year, it's work to stay sober.
Dee74 - it's was interesting to hear your comments about your "little voice"; what I've said to that "little voice" can't be repeated but I'm proud that I silently said them!
Allen Carr made it easy for me to understand that casual drinking was just another trap door. But, I went ahead and proved that casual drinking was a disaster to me (time and time again).
So, again, thanks for the welcome and the support.
Rosco.
ForMe,Alcohol=Devastation.
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