Rock and hard spot
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington State
Posts: 10
Rock and hard spot
Thanksgiving was that last straw. Lost the love of my life and will never be able to have him back in my life and my son lost his father. He knows that I enjoyed a drink everynow and then. And I really mean every now and then. I don't drink everyday, I don't pass out from drinking way too much. It's those rare occasions that I would drink too much. Of course Thanksgiving was going great, had great family times, couple drinks with dinner. Then for some stupid reason I wanted to keep drinking. I wasn't nervous, wasn't worried about anything, just wanted to keep my buzz going. Of course he didn't approve so I hide it from him. Got cought, he got mad and left the house.
It does freak me out to think that I will not drink for the rest of my life. If I just look at it as a day to day thing, not so scary.
The biggest problem is my family. We all drink socially, we all of stories of getting too intoxicated. However my life is under a microscope it seems because of being a single mother, so everything I do it judged by my family. Like how I spend my money, where I choose to live, and everytime I drink they all freak out and judge me for it. It feels like I'm trapped into having to be sober, which won't work. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I want to stop having those few times that I drink too much and want to be able to enjoy the occasional drink, and on the other side is having my love back in my life and getting my family off my back.
Everyone always talks about the bad moments, whatever happen to sharing the good moments?
It does freak me out to think that I will not drink for the rest of my life. If I just look at it as a day to day thing, not so scary.
The biggest problem is my family. We all drink socially, we all of stories of getting too intoxicated. However my life is under a microscope it seems because of being a single mother, so everything I do it judged by my family. Like how I spend my money, where I choose to live, and everytime I drink they all freak out and judge me for it. It feels like I'm trapped into having to be sober, which won't work. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I want to stop having those few times that I drink too much and want to be able to enjoy the occasional drink, and on the other side is having my love back in my life and getting my family off my back.
Everyone always talks about the bad moments, whatever happen to sharing the good moments?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
jls,
Maybe it's because the bad moments are so awful? For me, the good moments got fewer and farther apart while the bad moments got more frequent and much worse.
Getting sober is something I did because I was ready to let go of the bad times. I wanted my life back.
I think it's harder for us to see just how bad we're getting when we are surrounded by drinkers.
Love,
Lenina
Maybe it's because the bad moments are so awful? For me, the good moments got fewer and farther apart while the bad moments got more frequent and much worse.
Getting sober is something I did because I was ready to let go of the bad times. I wanted my life back.
I think it's harder for us to see just how bad we're getting when we are surrounded by drinkers.
Love,
Lenina
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Hey Jls,
Sorry to hear about your loss and this difficult family dynamic of yours.
It's well enough just to think day to day with sobriety. Thinking about what you'll do for an entire lifetime is difficult for anything in our lives. Eventually those who really want to quit do get past the day to day of it, but it doesn't happen automatically for everyone.
There's no mistaking the fact that we cannot control how other people think of us or act with us. Particularly if we have a history of problematic drinking there is getting by other peoples'--especially family's--mistrust of us. I know if my family saw me drinking one beer or anything it would not be a minor issue. I don't feel that "forces" me to be sober, but it is a reality I have to accept. If I drink, no matter how much, people aren't going to trust me. I can't change it; it's how it will be.
As for the bad moments, there's probably a bit more of it here on this site because SR is dedicated to helping people, and help is for those with problems/bad news. Good things do come in sobriety. There is nothing in life that makes even moderate drinking all that important or positive. The unfortunate bit is that even when sober life can still be very difficult. Sobriety gives most of us the best chance for good things to happen, but it doesn't guarantee them.
-Isa
Sorry to hear about your loss and this difficult family dynamic of yours.
It's well enough just to think day to day with sobriety. Thinking about what you'll do for an entire lifetime is difficult for anything in our lives. Eventually those who really want to quit do get past the day to day of it, but it doesn't happen automatically for everyone.
There's no mistaking the fact that we cannot control how other people think of us or act with us. Particularly if we have a history of problematic drinking there is getting by other peoples'--especially family's--mistrust of us. I know if my family saw me drinking one beer or anything it would not be a minor issue. I don't feel that "forces" me to be sober, but it is a reality I have to accept. If I drink, no matter how much, people aren't going to trust me. I can't change it; it's how it will be.
As for the bad moments, there's probably a bit more of it here on this site because SR is dedicated to helping people, and help is for those with problems/bad news. Good things do come in sobriety. There is nothing in life that makes even moderate drinking all that important or positive. The unfortunate bit is that even when sober life can still be very difficult. Sobriety gives most of us the best chance for good things to happen, but it doesn't guarantee them.
-Isa
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Why is drinking so important in your life?
Millions of people don't.....for various reasons
and it seems to be adding nothing to yours.
I've yet to meet anyone who said they were happy
their parent drank.
All my best to you and your child...
Welcome to SR
Millions of people don't.....for various reasons
and it seems to be adding nothing to yours.
I've yet to meet anyone who said they were happy
their parent drank.
All my best to you and your child...
Welcome to SR
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi jls (and welcome!) - I was having a bit of trouble putting things together: It almost sounds like you don't have a problem (or don't think you have a problem). Is that right? But your husband is leaving you for drinking? Is he totally against drinking? Sorry - just trying to understand!
For myself, I discovered that the more I drank, the more I drank (if that makes sense!) - so the only real solution for me was to put it out of my life.
Glad you're here!
For myself, I discovered that the more I drank, the more I drank (if that makes sense!) - so the only real solution for me was to put it out of my life.
Glad you're here!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Hi jls
I didn't get it when I lost partners (twice).
Now I see I effectively chose drugs and alcohol over my partners - that was not a smart or healthy choice, and it was a pretty stark indication I was in trouble...but I ignored it.
I don't need an answer, but are you really sure others are at fault here?
D
I didn't get it when I lost partners (twice).
Now I see I effectively chose drugs and alcohol over my partners - that was not a smart or healthy choice, and it was a pretty stark indication I was in trouble...but I ignored it.
I don't need an answer, but are you really sure others are at fault here?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm a little confused also.
You seem to be saying there is no problem, but you have lost your husband because of your drinking?
What I can tell you for sure is, that you cannot recover for somebody else. It's hard work and you need to want it to work every single day.
You seem to be saying there is no problem, but you have lost your husband because of your drinking?
What I can tell you for sure is, that you cannot recover for somebody else. It's hard work and you need to want it to work every single day.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR JLS22. I believe you needed to vent and coming here is a good place to vent. We don't judge you and if you need help we are here. I read in another post recently someone debating the issue that he/she might not have the same problems as an alcoholic. I think its all semantics in my opinion.
When I was younger I went to AA because I had occasional times where I overdid it and I couldn't control it, but I was not like those people in the meetings. Dropped AA and continued my life. Now fast forward and I KNOW that I have an alcoholic problem. I still did not lose my family, a job or whatever but I sure was continuing on the same road that led me to this spot.
Its a progression and if you have the slightest doubt about the effects its having on your life then I would seriously consider giving yourself the gift of trying to become sober. It is a gift to anyone in my opinion. Just some thoughts to consider and also another member wanting to extend a warm welcome to you.
When I was younger I went to AA because I had occasional times where I overdid it and I couldn't control it, but I was not like those people in the meetings. Dropped AA and continued my life. Now fast forward and I KNOW that I have an alcoholic problem. I still did not lose my family, a job or whatever but I sure was continuing on the same road that led me to this spot.
Its a progression and if you have the slightest doubt about the effects its having on your life then I would seriously consider giving yourself the gift of trying to become sober. It is a gift to anyone in my opinion. Just some thoughts to consider and also another member wanting to extend a warm welcome to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Hi Jls. Not sure of what exactly happened that made your significant other leave. I do know that with my story..my ex husband chose drinking over me. I wanted so badly to get sober. I felt betrayed and really hurt that he didn't or couldn't (not sure which) take alcohol out of "our" lives. I really struggled. Upped the ante in my drinking for a bit to lick my wounds. Then after I quit drinking it hit me. Even though we were together for years..this is not a "we" issue. This is ME. I had to surrender to alcohol..it was killing me slowly each day. IMO..if you want to quit..that is all well and good. But from what I understand about what you wrote..you don't really understand why he walked. Long story short..I am sober. I am happy. And I can't go back to what "we" had because I changed and can't demand that he does. ANYWAY..I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
jls22: My own experience taught me that I would never get sober unless I somehow stopped using my family and friends as a "control" over my drinking. If I did that then the games would start and I would try to hide my drinking or drink when they weren't there. It was only when I decided to quit for good regardless of the consequences (e.g. regardless of missing the "buzz"), quit because I wanted to do it for me, to save myself, not because someone wanted me to do that, to quit because not quitting was just too horrible, to quit because that's what I choose to do. And then I found eventually that missing the "buzz" was just no problem. It took years but I just didn't miss it a bit. Alcohol was what they call a "derived" need and I found I didn't need it any more. And am I glad I got rid of that! It's made a big difference. Now I can do stuff and deal with things I never could have handled when I was drinking.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 81
Hi,
Have you thought about quitting drinking for yourself. I think its easier this way. Just because it was someone else's idea, doesn't mean you shouldn't quit. If you think you should, than do it for yourself, you have to put the work in, you own it. All the best!
Have you thought about quitting drinking for yourself. I think its easier this way. Just because it was someone else's idea, doesn't mean you shouldn't quit. If you think you should, than do it for yourself, you have to put the work in, you own it. All the best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington State
Posts: 10
I don't think and I hope I don't come off blaming others for my drinking. There was always a double standard in our relationship. He was addicted to drugs and I enjoyed my drink.
I know that I have a problem controlling how much when I drink. So instead of trying to find that balance and losing a battle to stay on the moderate side of drinking I am just not going to drink at all. Figure that way I can't get in trouble, can't get my son taken away from me, no more headaches, never getting a DUI. There are a lot more positive's to being sober then the horrible things that come with an artificial buzz of drinking.
I know that I have a problem controlling how much when I drink. So instead of trying to find that balance and losing a battle to stay on the moderate side of drinking I am just not going to drink at all. Figure that way I can't get in trouble, can't get my son taken away from me, no more headaches, never getting a DUI. There are a lot more positive's to being sober then the horrible things that come with an artificial buzz of drinking.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Like Carol, I see no reason for drinking when life is/can be so awesome without it.
Now that I'm completely sober I no longer waste my time, money, and health on alcohol. And I got sober for myself, not because of what anyone said about me or to me. I got sober to make my own life better - and it sure is better now!
I hope you can come to a resolution soon. Sounds like drinking is causing you problems, even if 'only' mental anguish... As for me, I don't miss it one bit.
Now that I'm completely sober I no longer waste my time, money, and health on alcohol. And I got sober for myself, not because of what anyone said about me or to me. I got sober to make my own life better - and it sure is better now!I hope you can come to a resolution soon. Sounds like drinking is causing you problems, even if 'only' mental anguish... As for me, I don't miss it one bit.
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