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Choosing sobriety as a way of life

Old 11-27-2010, 10:11 PM
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Choosing sobriety as a way of life

I've been reading on these forums for a few weeks now and have enjoyed the helping words often given to apply to myself. For some that have read my original "preventative maintenance" thread, I really don't consider myself an alcoholic because it never controlled my life or turned it down in a bad way.

I just started to see the signs that it could become bad, so that maybe I have the potential to become an alcoholic because of my personal addictive tendencies. With the utmost respect I hear the stories on here and it is enough to make me realize the best route is that of sobriety.

But i feel orphaned. I'm not a recovering anything, I can't identify with AA or some of the pits of despair to where some members have been. Does that make me any less needy of the support? I'd like to believe not, but I notice that people are fairly quick to label.

I grew up religious, but I am not particularly religious at the moment. I don't thank a higher power to free me from the vice of alcoholism, I simply choose to do so on my free will because the grip has yet to take a hold on me. Tonight was empowering for me: I played in a new men's hockey game where I found myself at a bar afterwards. To 10 people's surprise after offering me drink upon drink, I finally replied, "I don't drink". Now these people are new in my life so most just figured, well that, that i don't drink - and left it at that as I had an iced tea. It was great, i enjoyed myself and not once felt the urge to drink. But around family and friends, the thinking is, if you decide to stop drinking for good it is because you must have a "problem". And this stereotype resonates seemingly everywhere.

I believe I have a problem, yes - so i searched out like minded individuals and stumbled upon this website - but I would like to know within this community if there are others who are simply not drinking because they have made a conscious decision in their life to better it. Not because their life hit rock bottom, not because religion says so, or god, not because they are on a diet and watch calories, or for health because their liver needs to heal.

People who are to a lesser extent compelled to better their life and make smart decisions before bad ones occur. I'm proud to have met people here, and I would like to help as many people as possible... are there any others who understand what I mean?
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:21 PM
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Hi Joe

I can't say I've seen people 'labelling' you - I've seen people offering their opinions on the basis of the things you've posted - but I accept those kinds of things are often in the eye of the beholder, Joe.

There are all kinds of drinkers and addicts here - I was an end stage drinker, but I'm sure you'll find more similarities than differences in everyone's stories, no matter what the details. That has been my experience after nearly 4 years here.

I spent a lot of time looking for someone just like me - disabled, with a dysfunctional family, university education, and a musician/artist type. I thought only someone like me could 'get' me. I never found that person - and I was wrong - I found a lot of people who did understand, even tho their stories or their personal details were a little different.

Like I said in the beginning to you, when you first arrived - I think people can get lost in definitions - if your drinking was causing you problems, it's good you're here doing something about it, no matter what you call it.

D
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Old 11-28-2010, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Joe


There are all kinds of drinkers and addicts here - I was an end stage drinker, but I'm sure you'll find more similarities than differences in everyone's stories, no matter what the details. That has been my experience after nearly 4 years here.



D
hey Dee, thanks for the response - no I wasn;t really meaning people labelling me in here, more so on the outside world.. The part I bolded could be a string to what i have been looking for: the stages in alcoholism, which i really didn;t/don;t know anything about.

I believe you to be right, that there are no two people alike, perhaps the very reasons we all opened accounts on SR is reason enough..
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Old 11-28-2010, 12:27 PM
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I didn't use 'end stage drinker' with any kind of scientific authority LOL...I simply mean I nearly died...but I know there's theories out there...maybe someone else will link to an article or something.

D
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Old 11-28-2010, 05:26 PM
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Hi Joe,
I didn't get the shakes, I didn't steal, I still washed and have a stable life on the outside. But, i realised that I drank much more than I wanted to, that I often couldn't stop once started, and that I often had no intention to drink and ended up doing so. In short: Drinking makes me unhappy and I don't approve of the person I become when drinking.

I have also realised that I can't moderate my drinking. So today I choose a sober lifestyle. And I go to AA because there are other people there living a sober life. I unhumbly think that I am not only lucky but also fairly smart for quitting and seeking a recovery program before I loose everything. I'm not saying I would - but I am quite sure I could end up in a nasty place if I continue to drink.



vee
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Old 11-28-2010, 05:40 PM
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It's my experience here at SR, that people don't label other people.

I think we've all been judged enough in our lives and I don't think we do that here.

And, as Dee said, there are alcoholics at every level or stage on these boards, and we are all here seeking support. It doesn't matter at all to me if you are more or less of an alcholic than I am. I have found people here who understand me, and I know that we are all on this journey together.
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Old 11-28-2010, 05:42 PM
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Hey Joe, welcome

Yes, I can say there are a lot of people here who come simply for support with a drinking problem, who do not identify as alcoholics and who don't have a lot of horror stories. Whether they pop by this thread or not I can't say, but there are a lot of people in similar waters as you for sure.

The stereotypes out there are a huge annoyance, and a bit of a catch-22. If you drink and create problems some people will look down on you. And if you quit drinking, they look down on you some more. The trick is just not to engage people about it. Anyone who refused to accept "I don't drink" is probably not a great person to be around to begin with.

I for one am happy to give you my welcome to this site. Your drinking history and how you identify yourself really doesn't mean a thing to me, nor to most the people here. If you want to quit for any reason that's the only thing that matters at SR. And you should and probably will get as much support as anyone else.

Glad you're here.

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Old 11-28-2010, 05:51 PM
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Thanks guys. your comments as per usual are so understanding and helpful. Yes I believe that of there was a string of alcoholism, regardless of severity, that I fall somewhere on it, and for that reason I take my sobriety very seriously.

Although Alcoholism has not taken anything from me, The minute I started realizing that the solitary enjoyment was similar to what I had/felt with smoking, was the minute I realized I could no longer be a "social drinker". I'm an all or nothing type of guy
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Old 11-28-2010, 06:20 PM
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I completely agree with everything stated above. Simply acknowledging you may have a problem or you want to live a sober lifestyle before suffering the consequences myself or others have should not exclude you from being here! I'm glad you showed up, maybe somebody else is at the same stage as your post described, sitting on the fence, and it may 'nudge' them along into joining us on the journey! You never know..
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Old 11-28-2010, 07:45 PM
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Hey Joe! Outside of SR there is so very little understanding of alcoholism it seems...I think that is what you are running into. I have a way of looking at it that might help. Everyone is on a scale starting at grandma who has never had a drink in her life at 1 ending with a late stage alcoholic in the ER dying of liver failure at 100. I would put "normal drinkers on that scale between 30-60...after 60 you start to get into murky waters and the further along you go the higher your number would be...I would put myself at about 78. Looking at it this way instead of thinking about labels helps me see that even someone in the high 50's is headed in the wrong direction.
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Old 11-28-2010, 10:34 PM
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I think you're very smart to stop drinking before it gets a grip on you. Stop drinking now and you'll avoid a lot of problems down the road. There are different degrees of addiction, but the only thing that really matters is what you do about it.
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Old 11-29-2010, 05:32 AM
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Hi Joe - great, another all or nothing guy - good to have you on the all winning side!

Lafemme - I like your scale and will ponder on my own ranking... it's way over 60 for sure.

v
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Old 11-29-2010, 07:37 AM
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Hi Joe, I don't consider myself an alcoholic and based on 3 professional opionions/assessments I'm not an alcoholic. But did I drink too much, yes; was I on the road to alcoholism? possibly very likely yes; could I moderate my drinking, yes at times. Alcohol did not control my life, I never had any legal or job problems due to alcohol; I did not drink every day I rarely if ever drank 2 days in a row due to the severe hangovers, I never had a craving before nor since I quit. But alcohol did cause problems for me, when I drank I usually drank until I blacked out, and I did things I regretted. My final drunk led me to overdose on sleeping pills and prescription pain killers which caused damage to my liver, I was advised that I should either stop drinking or just drink moderately. I chose to stop drinking, I believe I could drink moderately but I have absolutely no need nor desire to do so. I went to a few AA meetings but did not relate to the majority of the shares and when I spoke, people would look at me rather questioning because I guess they didn't relate to me. On SR I have found all sorts of people with different levels of alcohol problems and that's why I keep coming back.
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Old 11-29-2010, 09:28 AM
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Originally Posted by LaFemme View Post
Everyone is on a scale starting at grandma who has never had a drink in her life at 1 ending with a late stage alcoholic in the ER dying of liver failure at 100. I would put "normal drinkers on that scale between 30-60...after 60 you start to get into murky waters and the further along you go the higher your number would be...I would put myself at about 78. Looking at it this way instead of thinking about labels helps me see that even someone in the high 50's is headed in the wrong direction.
Although there is no medical research on this, I believe this to be true and quite like the take on it. The problem with society in general is that "labeling" seems to be so black and white. Society likes to say well you are above 60 so therefore you are an alcoholic and need help... I'd like to think if we can take this a step further, we can truly help people BEFORE they reach "60" (to use your unscientific scale as a measure).

IMO, I'd like to recognize the potential of people who could be heading in that bad direction and stop them in their tracks - like myself, before anything bad happens. Not for religious reasons, or for anything else but simply preventative maintenance. I never realized that sobriety was so much fun, and maybe one day this site will be the place people need to come to when the warning signs start. I truly feel that the people on here have helped me to understand the decision I am making is undoubtedly the best.

Sobriety is smart, and surprisingly empowering.
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Old 11-29-2010, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by jamdls View Post
Hi Joe, I don't consider myself an alcoholic and based on 3 professional opionions/assessments I'm not an alcoholic.
My doctor's would say the same about me. I, like you, know that deep down the opinions of doctors really mean nothing. "moderation" is a practice I am not good at.
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Old 11-29-2010, 09:46 AM
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Hi Joe -- just piping in here to say I understand what you mean about a "string" and what LaFemme says about a "scale" and I think it's great you're here and interested in changing in a way that will help you. I also believe that the term itself ("alcoholism") isn't as important as what you need to do to help yourself, and I also think there is most likely a spectrum in terms of alcoholism, what it is, what it's caused by, etc. And probably there is a line in there that can get crossed, putting people forever on one side, but as far as I'm aware, it's hard to gauge exactly where that is. For me, numerous attempts at moderation failed, and I have no interest in testing those waters again. Life without alcohol has made me feel like I'm a human again, when for a long time I felt like a lab rat, running my wheel and waiting for 5 o'clock to roll around.

My drinking did not progress on the outside, qualitatively, for the last several years, but on the inside the damage it was creating was exponentially soaring. I also had many "near misses" with alcohol being profoundly dangerous in my life, and I'm sure that, statistically speaking, sooner or later this would have caught up with me. Anyway, focus on what you have in common with the people here and not what makes you "less" or "more" alcoholic, is my advice. I am super glad that I got out of drinking as soon as I did . . . . I'm really excited to spend my 30s and beyond sober . . . yes, this was a decision to make my life better on my own terms, to take out the question of alcohol and simplify my life by returning to the things that truly bring me joy instead of drugs and alcohol. I have also accepted that biologically, brain-wise, I can't drink alcohol in a healthy, normal way. Whether this is a result of my past abuse or my genetics, I don't know -- but I suspect both.

glad you're here!
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Old 11-30-2010, 01:20 PM
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Doctor's define an alcoholic as anyone who drinks more than they do!
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Old 11-30-2010, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Itchy View Post
Doctor's define an alcoholic as anyone who drinks more than they do!
ROTFLMAO!!

Joe, I too would love to see the day when people would realize the huge spectrum (as AG put it) that encompasses alcohol abuse and that people would be able to get help long before they hit rock bottom. No one should have to experience rock bottom and there needs to be something done about it.

Okay ....getting off my soap box now:-)
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Old 11-30-2010, 07:58 PM
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Hey Mr. Cree...I am here to raise my hand..I am an all or nothing woman! I was drinking pretty much daily before I got sick of it. Always one of the last to leave parties or the bar..I read so many posts that I am not sure who said it.. Somebody was thinking they didn't have a drinking problem because they 'sobered up' during the day. I used to think that. It is quite absurd but I spose you tell yourself anything to justify being drunk. Held down a d@mn good job (still have it) but I was either drunk..or hungover. I never knew what clear thinking was. I guess I always thought I could handle it because I had my resistance built up so high it took mass quantities for me to get to my buzz level of choice. In the morning I would have to drink mass quanities of water..must have been dehydrated beyond belief! Sometimes..that would make me feel drunk all over again. It is the same old story...drink ..be hungover..then drink again to feel better. I got off the merry go round. Once I got it in my head that I was all or nothing..I chose nothing. Never felt better. I wondered if maybe it wasn't just an addictive personality. But looking back..I was in BAD shape Mister. So happy to have found this forum. I don't care what you call it either..Not sure if it is being in recovery but I do know I finally feel like I woke up.
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Old 11-30-2010, 09:20 PM
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Hi Joe -

One of my favorite quotes about the "Am I an alcoholic?" question comes from the book Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.

When you question your alcoholism, you say to yourself: If I am an alcoholic, I shouldn't drink and if I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need to. That's a nice piece of logic. You say: People who aren't alcoholics do not lie in bed at two-thirty in the morning wondering if they're alcoholics. A good reality check.


So, for me, I quit because I didn't like where alcohol was taking me. It wasn't adding anything to my life .... and then, when I tried to moderate, I couldn't. So, I quit.

Now in recovery, I realize how much I was truly missing. I never realized how much alcohol let me take the easy way out on so many parts of my life. Since I have been sober, I've had real personal growth (instead of just stagnation).

It doesn't matter about label - all that matters is whether you feel alcohol is affecting your life in a negative way. If it is, then logic says, you should abstain. If you have a hard time abstaining (as I did), then this tells you something too.
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