staind

Hi, my name is Sandy and I am an alcoholic. I don't have the energy to write much, so sorry this will be brief. I started drinking in my early teens and have had several bad heavy drinking periods over the following 20+ yrs. The last time I had any decent sobriety time (6 months) was 5 years ago. I am in my late forties. I have been drinking on a daily basis for 2 yrs. now. The least I consume on a daily basis is 6 beers a night. My average on a work night is 9-10 beers. On weekends, I lose count, but am sure it is at least 15 a day. I am a small women, maybe 110 lbs. I am to the point now where I probably only consume 500 calories a day in "food." Somehow I am still managing to go to work everyday, and a lot of times work more than 40 hrs. a week! I don't know how I do it. But I can feel my body/mind fading. I am afraid to see a doctor and find out how much damage I have done. Yet, I wake up every morning, scared to look in the mirror and see that I am completly yellow, and know that my liver is done.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. Lots of support here if you are wanting to get off the merry-go-round of alcoholism and become sober. I was an everyday beer drinker. Didn't know what to do with myself without a beer in my hand, didn't know if I could quiet the voice in my head that told me, "go ahead, drink, you can control it."

I did both. Found the life I used to have that wasn't daily drinking, didn't listen to the voice that said drink, and I've strung together over 80 days sober. You can do it too. You might want to see a doctor talk to him or her about detoxing.

johndelko408

Sandy get to a doctor, please. If your showing signs of jaundice you should seriously get help. I'm not a physician in any way, shape or form so I can't tell you whether your liver is completely shot. You never know if it is too late, if you stop drinking now you may be able to still have a chance. I've been to where you are as far as eating. I used to consume so much beer on a daily basis that my stomach would be full so I wouldn't eat. I do implore you to see a doctor for your own good. Thanks for sharing and welcome to SR, we're glad to have you.

staind

Thank you for your reply and welcoming me to the site. I actually am not jaundice right now. I just feel like it will happen real soon with the amount and time frame that I have been drinking. I do have tremors everyday so I know I am also at the physical addiction point. I have been looking up links to outpt. detox. For varies reasons I don't want to do inpt. I know everyone is individual and cannot give medical advise, but where would I look to see if anyone with my usage and amount of time has been successful with oupt detox.

GreenAces

Welcome Sandy!! I agree with John in that I think it would be a good decision to see a doctor.

I am glad that you are here and it is a great start to your path of recovery in a life of sobriety.

least

If you're having tremors, that sounds like withdrawal. You can go to any ER and tell them you're in withdrawal, want to stop drinking, and ask them for help in getting you safely thru the w/d. (I've done that several times) Please get medical help to be safe and more comfortable with the w/d.

After you're safely thru the physical w/d, it's important to have a 'method' to stay sober. Some find it in AA, or other programs. I rely heavily on my weekly sessions with my wonderful addiction counselor and daily visits to this site. You'll find a lot of support here.

Welcome to the family!

Isaiah

Hey Sandy,

Sadly, it really is impossible to chart out a withdrawal or detox event. Not even doctors can predict it; they just monitor your body as it's happening.

Like everyone else, I think doing the doctor is the best thing to do first. It might be scary, but I think that's one of the biggest hurdles in getting sober. Once you clear it you'll have a lot more confidence to take on the next. Everything about early sobriety takes some courage, but you can do it.

julez

Welcome to SR Sandy. I hope you take the others advice and get some medical attention.

Dee74

Please do see a doctor Sandy - I really think you get your advice from a competent medical professional.

Noone here can chart or predict your withdrawal, or what damage you may or may have not done, but I think it's pretty important you make that check up a priority.

We can, and will, give you help and support to quit and stay quit tho - so I hope you'll stick around

Welcome
D

staind

I figured an ER or immediate care place would just tell me I had to go to an inpatient program. That would be great if they would help. I have been to AA before and know that it helped me to stay sober (one time for 5 years!). But at this point, i do believe the tremors, sweats, and anxiety show me that I should not just quit "cold turkey" without something for the withdrawal.

johndelko408

I'm sure a physician can rx you something.

Dee74

Detox can be a nasty business Staind - I'm still dealing with the legacies of my last home detox in 07.

I hope you will follow through with that. Going back to AA, if it worked before, might not be the worst decision you ever made either

D

least

Please do go back to AA. As the saying goes: they don't shoot their wounded.

phytoman

Welcome Staind!
I'm rather new at this myself, so I'll just offer my support and encouragement. I feel much better after 14 days. There are lots of good people here who have been through very similar situations, and have good advice. Take advantage of that.

Impurrfect

(((Staind))) - welcome to SR!

Please go see a dr. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal. I'm glad you're considering going back to AA, but please make sure you're taking care of yourself.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

SwanSong

Welcome Sandy! The fact that you've come to SR and posted is a hopefully sign indeed!

Please keep us posted on your journey...(and if AA worked for you once before, then I second the above two posts- ultimately, I hope you find 'some' way that works for YOU!).

staind

Thank you all. I already feel a lifting of my spirit in seeing what a supportive/caring site this is. It has been so long since I felt hopeful in the smallest sense. My plan is to go back to AA. However, my first priority (course I could be wrong) is to find help with detox that does not involve inpt. I do not have a doctor and I worry about just going to someone in the "yellow pages" who would not understand alcoholism and options other than inpt. I have noticed on other threads people mentioning immediate care clinics. Again, that would have been the last place I would think would help me. But it sounds like others have had good experiences with them. The reason I am so focused on the detox is that the chances of me attending AA while I am activley drinking are slim. Not to mention that the one thing I have remained good at is not driving and drinking. None of the groups in my area start early enough for me not to physically need a drink several hours before they start. If that makes any sense.

Toronto68

Staind, you need to cut out the drinking. What you said about somehow managing to do all that work day in and day out despite the ongoing influx of alcohol sounds familiar. There is some really unnecessary self-clobbering happening. I don't like to hear people are scared but I hope it is a useful kind, so that you get out of this.

Dee74

I usually advise folks to go to the ER or google 'free clinics' and their home city. I've never heard of anyone being committed to inpatient programmes without their consent.

Maybe a hotline will help with advice Staind?

D

firestorm090

Hi staind,

Welcome to SR.

16 days ago I was on my way from one bar to another and apparently stopped in at an AA meeting instead. I know I was there, for the next morning I found a BB in the passenger seat of my suv and it had been signed by a couple of guys, with accompanying phone numbers provided. I don't remember one word that was said that night, but have since been back there several times and now am friends with the guys who signed my book that night.

I think you have to do whatever you can to get started, posting here is great and I would even go as far as to suggest you call AA and if necessary, have a drink to stabilize, then go anyway. It's not like they've never seen anyone under the influence before, lol. Just go and ask for help, maybe they can steer you toward an outpatient program, get you hooked up with numbers and give you a place to go to fend off those godawful cravings we get. It's ok to be scared, and it's ok to tell people you're scared, even better so, coz then they know where you're at and can be of utmost assistance to you.

Keep posting here as well, the support is crucial.

Again, welcome.