Felt so out of place.
 

I made it through my first holiday with my family but felt so out of place. My father, sister and brother were all drinking and having so much fun, laughing and conversing with eachother. I just sat there and felt as if I didn't exist to them, then a feeling of depression came over me I almost started crying but went in another room.
I feel so disconnected from my family since I stopped drinking. I almost gave in last night. Why do I feel more lonely when I'm not drinking? I miss having a good time. Is this how it's going to be all the time? This is difficult. Thank you for listening

Theresa

Hi Theresa

No I don't think that how it's going to be always.

I gave sobriety a chance...and I grew to really love who I am and what I can do sober - I really want to stay this way...so, nope - other people drinking doesn't phase me anymore.

I'm sure you'll get to that point too - stay focused for now - & don't worry :)

D

Hey Theresa,

I can imagine how you might've felt. Being the odd one out is the story of my life. I think this is something that is going to be difficult for anyone in early sobriety, but I think the problem you're having relating to your family isn't because you're drinking, but because you're in a psychologically vulnerable place. No one *needs* alcohol to be social or have a good time. I assure that in time you'll be more comfortable in your skin and it'll be easier to participate in things like this.

I'm sorry it wasn't a great holiday this year, but they wont always be so hard. And once you get cozy in sobriety it'll have been worth the wait, promise.

I agree with Dee and Isaiah - it's taken about half a year for me to feel OK about being around people drinking. Being around drunks is another issue (I find that to be totally annoying).

Hey Theresa. Hang in there. It does get easier. I, too, have a family that likes to drink. The first few holidays I spent with them sober felt a little awkward, but it got infinitely better. Now that I have a few years under my belt, it doesn't even really phase me. I still remember all too well how awful it was when I was drinking--nothing even remotely fun about it near the end. Today, I am grateful for my sobriety and grateful that I have a loving family who drink--but don't get stupid about it. If I could say that about myself, I wouldn't have quit, right?

Keep on keepin' on, girl!!

I can somewhat relate to you. I went to a buddys house for his birthday bbq during the summer. I knew there was going to be drinking there but I went anyways, he's one of my best friends who I grew up with. I don't have a license therefore I'm not able to drive. They respect my choice and won't offer me booze, but as night came they all decided to go to a bar. This particular bar is my dads watering hole so I went with them in hopes in seeing the old man. I felt so uncomfortable and out of place there as everyone there was drunk. I was comfortable about not drinking, but still I felt and knew I didn't belong there. That's something I'll never do again. I have no good reason not one to be in a bar or any setting where the primary purpose of being there is drinking.

Hi Theresa -
Congratulations for making it through! Way to go! It is hard sometimes to be around family and friends who can drink like "normal" people ... but my answer to a young man who was present at my family's gathering yesterday ("how do you do it? isn't it hard to not drink?") was this: I like who I am now. I didn't like who I was when I was drinking. So it isn't hard for me to decide to keep liking me.
This does not mean that it's easy to be around people who are, however ... definitely not easy, but I can add to my gratitude list that I'm not one of 'em anymore!
As others have said, it gets better - I promise. Hang in there!

Kathye

It does get easier. Keep in mind that when you were drinking you 'thought' you were having fun and you quit drinking for a reason. I felt isolated from my family when I was using, but now I have much healthier relastions with them and they have respect for me and my recovery too. Someday you will be the example to them and even if you are an example to only one of them it will be worth it all. You can do it!

You are in a completely different enviroment without your crutch...and you will realise that you have just stepped out of a time warp...thats why a lot of the people who stay sober long term get f2f help...

The first year is a time of well...firsts....and learning how to deal with them.

Once the drunks start slurring and stumbling, I'm always reminded why I chose sobriety.

Keep coming back to SR. Lots of good people here.

What I had to keep repeating to myself is that feelings won't kill me like alcohol will. I clung to that this first year and it got me through those moments.

Alcohol is not for you. That makes you kinda special!:wild

This part isn't easy, especially during early recovery.....I went threw it too.....as still do to some degree..Counselling has helped me so much....so does meditation.....helps to keep me grounded and focused.... I thought I could do it on my own...but I realize it was an ego thing....there's no shame in reaching out!! :) we are in this together!!

Wishing you the best..... xo