New guy, Same Issues.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6
New guy, Same Issues.
Hello all,
I stumbled upon this forum while doing some online searches. I like the looks of it. Support is hard to come by.
I will keep my past details pretty brief, I doubt the full story is new to anyone here.
When I was 19 I started working in an industry that heavily promotes drinking/drug use, and was around many of people who engaged in those things. I started to drink what I considered socially, and a pretty "normal amount". Shortly afterwards I started smoking pot, it was every now and then, and I figured what the hell. I was making some "good buddies" during this time.
As the years went on (Im currently 23) it spiraled totally out of control.
Skipping over many of the awful details, and the good friends and relationships lost, all the money spent on ridiculous things, other drugs sampled, we get to where I was towards the beginning of the year.
The day after one particularly messy day/night of partying, I woke up and thought I was dying. My heart was racing, I was sweating, I thought I was having a heart attack. Luckily I wasn't. However it got me thinking.
I had stopped smoking about two months prior. It had become a very, very expensive habit (gone were the occasional times getting high, it turned into all day everyday), and also one that I was just tired of.
I made the decision that it was time to quit drinking. At this point I was either drinking all the free booze I could get my hands on, or spending literally 200 bucks a night at a bar. A bottle of whiskey a night alone wasn't unheard of, nor rare.
I decided to start slow, once or twice a week when my "buddies" went out, I'd grab a book, or watch a movie. I really wanted to join in. The rest of the nights I would continue getting hammered.
Eventually, I got the the point where I was only really drinking once a week, maybe twice. I was starting to feel better physically, I was hitting the gym again, and my bank account was looking better, but more important, I was able to look at myself the next day and not be worried about whatever I did the night before. I started repairing the friendships of old.
I decided that I really didn't have a problem. Sure I spent years destroying myself, and yeah my father was a full blown alcoholic, but I could control it. My buddies will understand.
Boy was I wrong.
I started to notice that some of these buddies I had acquired over the years were beginning to ignore me. Apparently they viewed the fact that I was trying to clean up as some sort of belief that I was now better than them. So I went out drinking with them. I ended up getting ridiculously drunk, starting a fight with a close friend (a real one, who was trying to help out), and saying some really bad things to multiple people. The next day, when I awoke, I once again had the racing heartbeat and the sweats.
I also finally fully realized how bad it had gotten. Looking back the first time, I knew something was wrong, but looking back after a small period of being sober and being healthy, I saw just how quickly I could re-sink down into that monster.
That was the last night I got drunk. One night a few months later, I foolishly tried to just have a social drink. I had a shot or 2 and some beers while at a concert. I felt awful. I didn't understand, to me, just months ago, that was lunch time type stuff. I knew right then and there I had to finally be serious about being sober. I admitted my problem and my situation to my close friends, and the support they showed was very intense to me.
I haven't a drink since then. September 1st was first day fully sober, and it's now the day after thanksgiving. It hasn't been that long obviously. A few of the people who showed me that great support and understanding that day have since wavered. I've had one ask me when I would drink again, and another who feels the need to tell me about their drunken exploits. Add that to the fact that I still have those basic desires to have a drink every now and then.
I'm trying hard. I've been told it gets easier. I can't say I don't believe it, because I know how good I feel sober. I'm much healthier, mentally and physically. I took money that I used to spend on poison and have since returned to school.
However the pressure is still there. I'm trying as hard as I can to stay on the right track.
I look forward to talking with all of you, and hope that maybe we can support each other.
Thanks for reading!
I stumbled upon this forum while doing some online searches. I like the looks of it. Support is hard to come by.
I will keep my past details pretty brief, I doubt the full story is new to anyone here.
When I was 19 I started working in an industry that heavily promotes drinking/drug use, and was around many of people who engaged in those things. I started to drink what I considered socially, and a pretty "normal amount". Shortly afterwards I started smoking pot, it was every now and then, and I figured what the hell. I was making some "good buddies" during this time.
As the years went on (Im currently 23) it spiraled totally out of control.
Skipping over many of the awful details, and the good friends and relationships lost, all the money spent on ridiculous things, other drugs sampled, we get to where I was towards the beginning of the year.
The day after one particularly messy day/night of partying, I woke up and thought I was dying. My heart was racing, I was sweating, I thought I was having a heart attack. Luckily I wasn't. However it got me thinking.
I had stopped smoking about two months prior. It had become a very, very expensive habit (gone were the occasional times getting high, it turned into all day everyday), and also one that I was just tired of.
I made the decision that it was time to quit drinking. At this point I was either drinking all the free booze I could get my hands on, or spending literally 200 bucks a night at a bar. A bottle of whiskey a night alone wasn't unheard of, nor rare.
I decided to start slow, once or twice a week when my "buddies" went out, I'd grab a book, or watch a movie. I really wanted to join in. The rest of the nights I would continue getting hammered.
Eventually, I got the the point where I was only really drinking once a week, maybe twice. I was starting to feel better physically, I was hitting the gym again, and my bank account was looking better, but more important, I was able to look at myself the next day and not be worried about whatever I did the night before. I started repairing the friendships of old.
I decided that I really didn't have a problem. Sure I spent years destroying myself, and yeah my father was a full blown alcoholic, but I could control it. My buddies will understand.
Boy was I wrong.
I started to notice that some of these buddies I had acquired over the years were beginning to ignore me. Apparently they viewed the fact that I was trying to clean up as some sort of belief that I was now better than them. So I went out drinking with them. I ended up getting ridiculously drunk, starting a fight with a close friend (a real one, who was trying to help out), and saying some really bad things to multiple people. The next day, when I awoke, I once again had the racing heartbeat and the sweats.
I also finally fully realized how bad it had gotten. Looking back the first time, I knew something was wrong, but looking back after a small period of being sober and being healthy, I saw just how quickly I could re-sink down into that monster.
That was the last night I got drunk. One night a few months later, I foolishly tried to just have a social drink. I had a shot or 2 and some beers while at a concert. I felt awful. I didn't understand, to me, just months ago, that was lunch time type stuff. I knew right then and there I had to finally be serious about being sober. I admitted my problem and my situation to my close friends, and the support they showed was very intense to me.
I haven't a drink since then. September 1st was first day fully sober, and it's now the day after thanksgiving. It hasn't been that long obviously. A few of the people who showed me that great support and understanding that day have since wavered. I've had one ask me when I would drink again, and another who feels the need to tell me about their drunken exploits. Add that to the fact that I still have those basic desires to have a drink every now and then.
I'm trying hard. I've been told it gets easier. I can't say I don't believe it, because I know how good I feel sober. I'm much healthier, mentally and physically. I took money that I used to spend on poison and have since returned to school.
However the pressure is still there. I'm trying as hard as I can to stay on the right track.
I look forward to talking with all of you, and hope that maybe we can support each other.
Thanks for reading!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Good for you for deciding to live a sober life.
It sounds like you're doing well. And, yeah, it can be tricky with the friend issue. It's really hard for others to understand how hard this is. But, that's a good reason to hang out here.
It sounds like you're doing well. And, yeah, it can be tricky with the friend issue. It's really hard for others to understand how hard this is. But, that's a good reason to hang out here.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR and you chose a great place to receive support from. The people are awesome here and as long as you remember to post before you drink then you will have success.
As far as friends, I think when we sober up we reflect a persona they don't want to see. I had the same issue with some family members, but they came around. I was a pretty solitary drinker except with family, but if I was in your age group, as I once was, I can see my friends playing the same cards as yours. Keep us posted please.
As far as friends, I think when we sober up we reflect a persona they don't want to see. I had the same issue with some family members, but they came around. I was a pretty solitary drinker except with family, but if I was in your age group, as I once was, I can see my friends playing the same cards as yours. Keep us posted please.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome to SR!
It does get better, I promise. It takes a while for your body and brain to adjust to functioning normally, but it will come back. I was somewhere between four to six months sober before I noticed - suddenly, one day - that I no longer had the desire to drink at all. It just wasn't there. Just take your sobriety one day at a time and the day will come when your drinking will be a distant distasteful memory, nothing more.
It does get better, I promise. It takes a while for your body and brain to adjust to functioning normally, but it will come back. I was somewhere between four to six months sober before I noticed - suddenly, one day - that I no longer had the desire to drink at all. It just wasn't there. Just take your sobriety one day at a time and the day will come when your drinking will be a distant distasteful memory, nothing more. Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Welcome to SR!
Congrats for realizing you have a drinking problem and taking action! It does get much easier with time. I lost my desire to drink and can be with others who socially drink and don't feel like I am missing a thing. The good feeling of sobriety is wonderful.
Congrats for realizing you have a drinking problem and taking action! It does get much easier with time. I lost my desire to drink and can be with others who socially drink and don't feel like I am missing a thing. The good feeling of sobriety is wonderful.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Welcome aboard Wrangler
Very few people in my life understood - most tend to think all I have to do is control myself - and thats the whole problem right there. I can't.
Thats what makes this place great - we get it
Look forward to seeing you around
D
Very few people in my life understood - most tend to think all I have to do is control myself - and thats the whole problem right there. I can't.
Thats what makes this place great - we get it
Look forward to seeing you around
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6
Thank you all for your kind words.
Dime, I hope to be able to gain that ability at some point. I'm very confident in my ability to stay away from bars and what not, but as of now I dread the time (and I'm sure it will come) when I am near my friends and alcohol. At this point, that thought is just to much.
Any support, even if it just is rather new strangers on the internet, is so much better than none. I thank you all.
Dime, I hope to be able to gain that ability at some point. I'm very confident in my ability to stay away from bars and what not, but as of now I dread the time (and I'm sure it will come) when I am near my friends and alcohol. At this point, that thought is just to much.
Any support, even if it just is rather new strangers on the internet, is so much better than none. I thank you all.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, Wrangler - Congrats on your time sober. When we drink for years it definitely takes time to get used to being sober. I understand the social/friends part of it, too. I still have occasions (at 6 months) which I'm not quite ready to face (like being around heavy drinkers). Luckily, I've got other options and actually have rekindled a few friendships with people who don't drink like I did.
This place has been a huge part of my sobriety - I stop in every day and read the posts of newcomers. It all comes back to me and reminds me that I don't want to be there again.
This place has been a huge part of my sobriety - I stop in every day and read the posts of newcomers. It all comes back to me and reminds me that I don't want to be there again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR (((Wrangler))) - I think it's harder, somewhat, when you're younger and it seems as if everyone else is out partying. The good thing is, I've know several young people who are younger than you, realize that drinking can't be a part of their future, and they find new friends, new interests, etc.
Good job on the sober time, and getting back into school.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Good job on the sober time, and getting back into school.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6
Thanks Amy.
Your right, it is very tough in my age group (of course I believe it's tough in any age group). It's considered cool, and hip by many to drink and party.
Sadly, I fell into that earlier than some, and got much worse than many people in this age range ever will.
Your right, it is very tough in my age group (of course I believe it's tough in any age group). It's considered cool, and hip by many to drink and party.
Sadly, I fell into that earlier than some, and got much worse than many people in this age range ever will.
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