Hello all!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 1
Hello all!
Hello, my name is Patrick, I'm 22 years old and I've struggled with alcoholism since I was 15.
I've had multiple run-ends with the police, 2 MIP's, a DUI, 2 DWI's, spent tens of thousands of dollars in court costs and related fees, and countless hours repairing "damage" done while under the influence of alcohol.
Still, I somehow continue to keep messing things up. Most recently, I got black-out drunk, got in a physical confrontation with my mother and father, my sister's boyfriend, and the karaoke guy at a bar. I don't remember any of the events listed at all, my story is all heresay from family members. However, apparently something set me off at the bar, I got into a fight with the karaoke guy. My sister's boyfriend came to pick me and my truck up. He took me to their house and apparently I became violent with him. At that point my sister called our parents, who have been very supportive throughout the entirety of my "struggles". When my parents showed up I bit/hit/pushed my mother to the ground and chased my father around swinging at him and anyone that tried to get between us. My mother has multiple bruises and my father has a broken foot. Apparently I was so terrifying that my own sister called the police on me. My father said that the look in my eyes terrified him. He said "I've seen that look before, and the man that had it killed another man".
This disturbs me more than any of the other numerous and stupid mistakes I've made drunk. I know that I sometimes become violent when I'm drunk, I've been in a fair number of fights under the influence of alcohol, but never anything to this extent or towards my family. I love my family very much and would never want to harm them.
I came here because I have been to court ordered counseling and AA, however, it has always been difficult for me to talk about my feelings. It's much easier for me to type them into a computer screen that isn't staring back at me.
I have not touched a drink since that night and don't plan to ever again. I've said that before though, and know that without some form of support that I am comfortable with it will never last.
Anyways... sorry for the extremely long post, I just needed to get that out there.
Thanks in advance for all support.
I've had multiple run-ends with the police, 2 MIP's, a DUI, 2 DWI's, spent tens of thousands of dollars in court costs and related fees, and countless hours repairing "damage" done while under the influence of alcohol.
Still, I somehow continue to keep messing things up. Most recently, I got black-out drunk, got in a physical confrontation with my mother and father, my sister's boyfriend, and the karaoke guy at a bar. I don't remember any of the events listed at all, my story is all heresay from family members. However, apparently something set me off at the bar, I got into a fight with the karaoke guy. My sister's boyfriend came to pick me and my truck up. He took me to their house and apparently I became violent with him. At that point my sister called our parents, who have been very supportive throughout the entirety of my "struggles". When my parents showed up I bit/hit/pushed my mother to the ground and chased my father around swinging at him and anyone that tried to get between us. My mother has multiple bruises and my father has a broken foot. Apparently I was so terrifying that my own sister called the police on me. My father said that the look in my eyes terrified him. He said "I've seen that look before, and the man that had it killed another man".
This disturbs me more than any of the other numerous and stupid mistakes I've made drunk. I know that I sometimes become violent when I'm drunk, I've been in a fair number of fights under the influence of alcohol, but never anything to this extent or towards my family. I love my family very much and would never want to harm them.
I came here because I have been to court ordered counseling and AA, however, it has always been difficult for me to talk about my feelings. It's much easier for me to type them into a computer screen that isn't staring back at me.
I have not touched a drink since that night and don't plan to ever again. I've said that before though, and know that without some form of support that I am comfortable with it will never last.
Anyways... sorry for the extremely long post, I just needed to get that out there.
Thanks in advance for all support.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 53
Don't feel sorry for the "long" post. I personally appreciated that you shared your story with us. Hearing other's stories has helped me stay vigilant in my recovery.
I really encourage you to take advantage of your court appointed AA meetings. I know they may seen uncomfortable, but they will be worth it. If you don't feel comfortable with the people in your meetings, try another AA group. Or try NA.
I can relate to your hesitance with talking about your feelings with a group of people. I was terrified about it myself. But now, I love it. And I credit it to the success I've had so far in my recovery. It's that... and being brutally honest with myself.
Recovery isn't easy, but it's worth it.
I really encourage you to take advantage of your court appointed AA meetings. I know they may seen uncomfortable, but they will be worth it. If you don't feel comfortable with the people in your meetings, try another AA group. Or try NA.
I can relate to your hesitance with talking about your feelings with a group of people. I was terrified about it myself. But now, I love it. And I credit it to the success I've had so far in my recovery. It's that... and being brutally honest with myself.
Recovery isn't easy, but it's worth it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!! A lot of people who go to AA don't feel comfortable talking about stuff, but if they listen, they can learn a lot. Counseling can also help you get more comfortable abouttalking, but it often takes time.
SR is a HUGE part of my recovery. There's always someone here (though it is slow at times) and I've learned a lot about my own recovery right here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
SR is a HUGE part of my recovery. There's always someone here (though it is slow at times) and I've learned a lot about my own recovery right here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
2nd chance at a 1st cl*** life
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Jose, Ca
Posts: 492
Welcome to SR Patrick, I guess your user name says it all. Right? It's scary when we don't remember the things we did the previous night, and it pains us to know we hurt the ones we love when we know we would never do such things in our right state of mind. I would suggest taking advantage of the AA meetings, I know they help me. I can't stay sober on my own, no matter how hard I try. Without a doubt I absolutely need AA. I can relate on how you have your reluctance on wanting to share your story to people face to face. I was apprehensive to tell my story in AA, I thought that people would immediately place judgement on me or not accept me. But what I realized is that the wonderful people in AA don't place judgement on you based on your background or how far down the scale you may have fallen. The people in the rooms can relate and some have probably done the same things. If you're serious about sobering up and changing your life then AA is the right place for it. I like SR too because of the support and suggestions I get here, plus its a wonderful place to vent as well. I wish you luck on your journey to recovery and I'm sure you can do it. It's not the easiest path to follow, but trust me its better then the other choice. I'm an alcoholic, had I continued drinking there are three places it would have taken me, jail which I've been to a few times because of alcohol, institutions or death. None of which I want at this time or in my near future. I trust that you can make it through to recovery, it sounds like you had a real eye opener.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome RB - Lots of people here have been down the same kind of path you have and have been able to get sober - you can do it, too. There isn't much of a future if we keep going back to the bottle, and tragic things can happen (as you know).
I'm glad you've joined the forum and will be going to meetings. Keep posting and reading - this is a great place!
I'm glad you've joined the forum and will be going to meetings. Keep posting and reading - this is a great place!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,757
Welcome to the family!
I hope you'll go to those AA meetings with an open mind and will ask for help in staying sober. There's a lot of experience, strength, and hope in those rooms. Take advantage of it.
I depend heavily on this site and my weekly counseling with my addiction counselor. Is counseling an option for you? I'd look into it if possible. The one on one input and feedback and encouragement from her is a huge help to me. I've been struggling with trying to get sober (and stay that way) for three years now and am coming up on a year sober next month.
I wish you the best as you start your sober journey.
I hope you'll go to those AA meetings with an open mind and will ask for help in staying sober. There's a lot of experience, strength, and hope in those rooms. Take advantage of it.I depend heavily on this site and my weekly counseling with my addiction counselor. Is counseling an option for you? I'd look into it if possible. The one on one input and feedback and encouragement from her is a huge help to me. I've been struggling with trying to get sober (and stay that way) for three years now and am coming up on a year sober next month.
I wish you the best as you start your sober journey.
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