Miela

Hi all,

I sort of said everything in the alcohol forum.

I don't know where I'm at. I'm confused and very, very frightened. I want so much to feel peace but don't know how. I don't know if I've a 'real' problem but sort of do... I grew up in a home where a tummy ache was greeted with "don't be SO dramatic" so I've spent my life belittling my problems and maybe now I need to take this seriously. I nearly died a few times from anorexia and that was seen as "dramatic" so, if this IS a problem, I don't want it to get to that stage.

I'm so sorry for being so incoherent and rambling. Hopefully I'll make sense soon

M

Clearhead

I've heard other ppl say, "if you're asking yourself if you have a problem, you probably do" Only you can determine that. I knew I had a problem without a doubt! It took me awhile to do anything about it though.

aasharon90

If i ever got sick my mom
would tell me it was all
in my head or I just picked
it up a habit from school
and was looking for attention.

That is sooooooo rude and
wrong in my opinion to tell
a child that.

I would have a cough at
night and was plucked from
my bed and locked outside
just so i wouldnt wake up
the household.

And that's not suppose
to affect a child?

Anorxia, alcoholism, drug
addiction, cancer, diabeties...
it all can kill if not properly
addressed.

You are in a good place
as many have found comfort
and help here in SR.

You are never alone as others
have been there done that
just as we all have in one time
or another.

Miela

Thank you Clearhead.

Miela

Thank you Aasharon90, that's so sad but beautifully written. I can really identify with it and so much don't want my own child to go through this but I know drink & depression makes me sometimes intolerant of him and I hate myself for that...

stellaloella

I've been in the same boat as you... I was in an inpatient program for bulimia as a teen. I have always minimized my problems but they've gotten to the point where they stare me in the face 24/7. YOU are worth it. Your decision to help yourself is admirable. Take time for yourself. You have a purpose here.

JackNWA

Welome to SR. There's lots of great resources here and in 12 step groups around the world. You're in the right place

Miela

Thank you Stellaloella, that really means a lot to me. Thank you. I hope you are doing OK.

M xx

stellaloella

It is my personal opinion that eating disorders are very similar to alcohol abuse. Really they're both ways of us punishing ourselves, our bodies. I don't know why or how I came to the conclusion that I'm not worth my own self respect, but at this point in time it's crucial for me to choose health and life and keep repeating to myself over and over that this, too, shall pass. There are people who love us and want us to succeed. We can!

Miela

Stellaloella, I totally agree with you. I wish I could get to the point where I could give a s**t about myself, but I don't. I'm at a point where even taking a shower is too much effort to put into myself. How shameful is that? I just want to be NORMAL!

stellaloella

Miela, I just went and read a couple other posts of yours. I'm also a 33 year-old mother of a beautiful sweet five year-old girl. Unfortunately I jeopardized my whole life recently when my drinking ramped up (started with beer, went to wine, then vodka) and I started passing out and doing dangerous things like cooking when I was in a blackout. Now I no longer have her in my possession and though I talk to her on the phone daily, life's not the same. Furthermore, I have grave doubts about the bad direction my drinking had been taking me -- I was a danger to myself and others. Now I'm sipping herbal tea and taking vitamins and thinking about the fact that I could have killed myself or others by perhaps burning the house down. I feel for your plight because no one wakes up one day saying, "hey, I should be a drunk!" That's a hell of a career move. However, I'm looking at it as if I've been fired from my last job. And I'm moving forward. You can too. Your child needs a mom.

Dee74

I've already posted to you in the other forum, but I recognise that point where 'even taking a shower is too much effort to put into myself'. I've been there myself - in my case I was diagnosed with depression.

I hope you'll see your Dr, miela.

D

Anna

Hi Miela,

Your post touched me deeply because I grew up in a house where my illnesses were completely ignored. It didn't matter how sick I was, I wasn't allowed to stay home from school. So, I grew up with a very skewed mindset of what was healthy and what wasn't. And, because I didn't know how to take care of myself, I ended up ignoring all my physical and emotional problems until I fell apart.

Please know that we understand how scared you are, and that you can do this. We are here to support you.

LaFemme

Wow the part about self love really resonated with me....I had none At the end of my drinking...living in a nice place and taking care of myself physically was impossible...I did a smidgen better caring for my dogs because I loved them even though I did not love myself....which is why I was committing suicide by bottle. I don't even really understand how I quit....I just couldn't do it anymore....I had two choices...get better or find an easier way to die. Once I got through initial withdrawal (on my own...didn't know better) I had to start working on myself so I could love myself again...its hard and it takes work...buts somewhere inside you is the little girl you once were....maybe start by loving her...that's what I did.

Good luck and lots of love....you are worthy and deserving of it.

Xo, LaFemme

WatchTheSky

Yet another eating disorder survivor here. We can beat these things! It's just very difficult.

artsoul

It's amazing how we can care for others yet feel contempt for ourselves.... I can certainly relate (to the shower thing, too!). Beginning now, though, you can start to reverse the fear, anxiety, and depression that alcohol gives us.

Try out sobriety and see if your life doesn't change for the better. It did for me, and I actually like myself today. If it doesn't change, stay sober and get some help - there really are solutions out there.

Hugs going out to you........

least

We have a forum just for eating disorders. Check it out if you haven't already done so. Welcome to the family!

Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Miela

Thank you all so much, I didn't exect such support.

Today is day 1 because I've had enough. I don't want one more day of this. I suppose it's easy to be motivated now, in the morning, as I'm in work and distracted. This evening will be the real test as it's the first thing I do when I get home.

artsoul

Just come hang out with us - (I lived on this forum for the first week!).......

Miela

Thank you Artsoul, I think I might just do that

Thank you all.

M