Twelve Days sober and GRATEFUL
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 73
Twelve Days sober and GRATEFUL
"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you"
1 Thessalonians[/CENTER]She, the pastor, began with a story about a gentlemen who has lung cancer, a father with children, some of whom are home, some who are off to college, a wife, and a multitude of dear friends. It was during one of her Pastoral visits where this man disclosed his gratitude for having terminal cancer. Taken aback, the Christian counselor sat back down to learn the meaning behind this man's revelation. This father explained that within the last few months he has done more living, been more attuned to the rich blessings surrounding him and more appreciative for the love that has been bestowed upon him than in all of the previous years of his life. This dying man had recognized that without his cancer diagnosis, he is certain that life would have rapidly advanced and he would have left this earth never having experienced God's intention for life., Things in life that, today, has brought him (and his family I would certainly presume) more wealth and joy than he would have ever thought humanly possible
Wow, , huh ?
And, frankly, I get that, I get how this man could make that statement. I can only imagine what treasured moments were spent; televisions, stereos, IPods, cell phones, IPads, computers etc etc etc ~ all forcibly deactivated so as not to miss a second, not a fleeting moment of living, of sharing nothing but time with the ones you love. Pure uninterrupted time.
The sermon continues with the Thess. scripture permeating every point being highlighted, every analogy the Pastor shared. Still, when I walked out of church, gray skies, icy sidewalks, icy roads, cold, damp, all in all miserable weather, I couldn't help but embrace my truth. That, while I have faith and I do so want to abide by the Scriptures, I'm not getting where I'm supposed to say, "I'm a grateful alcoholic", mind you, I do hear people say this within the rooms of AA. I generally write them off as AA loonies, high on caffeine or something ~ just never registers with me.
Well, that was this morning, now it is evening and because I was incapable of viewing anymore of the Vikings game, I chose to take a nap ~ it was nap weather! Couldn't sleep, though, as the key points in the sermon were haunting me, forcing me to meditate on that scripture and dig deep into its personal application. For my life. Today.
My thoughts are led back to last night's meeting. I had not been in these rooms in a few years now, and it was important for me that I share that with the group ~ what I've been up to. When I gave up the floor, this guy looks at me pensively and with grave intent, much too serious for my comfort. He says " I consider myself fortunate to have been given a second chance at sobriety. And I also believe that I am humble enough to realize that this is my final chance. Only another alcoholic can truly understand when I say that I know I have one more good drunk in me, but I don't think I have one more good recovery in me." Well, I heard him and he knew it; I heard him loud and clear. Undoubtedly I have another binge interlude, but just as infallible those words were spoken by an AA peer, I knew those were the words I came to hear that night.
To digress........................................... ........when I first got sober, I was the AA spokesperson, I mean, I had the Tshirt, right! and in true addict form, I began purchasing every book written on the subject. Admittedly, I was nurturing a broad wealth of knowledge, My error however? I was sharing how I knew it all ~ I learned all the ins and outs and I "get" this disease. My life has changed, I'm renewed, redeemed and reborn! Yayyyy me!!!!
<hurl>
Thing I was doing was sabatoging my very own recovery. That was hard work mastering the steps, comprehending the insidiousness of alcoholism, the "whys" of the disease, studying AA history and the stages of Liver failure and all the other medical components involved. Whew, I was exhausted, but "I got it" by golly - ya just had to ask me...........
<----------------- Ahem, "arrogance" ?? YA THINK!!!!
I realized today post-sermon, that you're not going to get me to say I am grateful to be an alcoholic, but within the confines of this disease I can say that I am so incredibly , over-the-top out-of-this-word, fantastically GRATEFULL that the disease hasn't taken me, that I can approach the meetings with a different "attitude"
I still have my knowledge, the wisdom surrounding the disease, the fundamentals of the program, but I don't want to project that upon you. I don't want to "think I know it all" because the moment I do is the moment the beast gets much too close to the surface. And I never ever want to forget that last drink ~ by walking into those meeting rooms and hearing a newcomer's story, I can remind myself repeatedly in a given week that that is where I was. By the Grace of God, one hour by one hour, I never have to go back there.
As long as I never forget
1 Thessalonians[/CENTER]She, the pastor, began with a story about a gentlemen who has lung cancer, a father with children, some of whom are home, some who are off to college, a wife, and a multitude of dear friends. It was during one of her Pastoral visits where this man disclosed his gratitude for having terminal cancer. Taken aback, the Christian counselor sat back down to learn the meaning behind this man's revelation. This father explained that within the last few months he has done more living, been more attuned to the rich blessings surrounding him and more appreciative for the love that has been bestowed upon him than in all of the previous years of his life. This dying man had recognized that without his cancer diagnosis, he is certain that life would have rapidly advanced and he would have left this earth never having experienced God's intention for life., Things in life that, today, has brought him (and his family I would certainly presume) more wealth and joy than he would have ever thought humanly possible
Wow, , huh ?
And, frankly, I get that, I get how this man could make that statement. I can only imagine what treasured moments were spent; televisions, stereos, IPods, cell phones, IPads, computers etc etc etc ~ all forcibly deactivated so as not to miss a second, not a fleeting moment of living, of sharing nothing but time with the ones you love. Pure uninterrupted time.
The sermon continues with the Thess. scripture permeating every point being highlighted, every analogy the Pastor shared. Still, when I walked out of church, gray skies, icy sidewalks, icy roads, cold, damp, all in all miserable weather, I couldn't help but embrace my truth. That, while I have faith and I do so want to abide by the Scriptures, I'm not getting where I'm supposed to say, "I'm a grateful alcoholic", mind you, I do hear people say this within the rooms of AA. I generally write them off as AA loonies, high on caffeine or something ~ just never registers with me.
Well, that was this morning, now it is evening and because I was incapable of viewing anymore of the Vikings game, I chose to take a nap ~ it was nap weather! Couldn't sleep, though, as the key points in the sermon were haunting me, forcing me to meditate on that scripture and dig deep into its personal application. For my life. Today.
My thoughts are led back to last night's meeting. I had not been in these rooms in a few years now, and it was important for me that I share that with the group ~ what I've been up to. When I gave up the floor, this guy looks at me pensively and with grave intent, much too serious for my comfort. He says " I consider myself fortunate to have been given a second chance at sobriety. And I also believe that I am humble enough to realize that this is my final chance. Only another alcoholic can truly understand when I say that I know I have one more good drunk in me, but I don't think I have one more good recovery in me." Well, I heard him and he knew it; I heard him loud and clear. Undoubtedly I have another binge interlude, but just as infallible those words were spoken by an AA peer, I knew those were the words I came to hear that night.
To digress........................................... ........when I first got sober, I was the AA spokesperson, I mean, I had the Tshirt, right! and in true addict form, I began purchasing every book written on the subject. Admittedly, I was nurturing a broad wealth of knowledge, My error however? I was sharing how I knew it all ~ I learned all the ins and outs and I "get" this disease. My life has changed, I'm renewed, redeemed and reborn! Yayyyy me!!!!
<hurl>
Thing I was doing was sabatoging my very own recovery. That was hard work mastering the steps, comprehending the insidiousness of alcoholism, the "whys" of the disease, studying AA history and the stages of Liver failure and all the other medical components involved. Whew, I was exhausted, but "I got it" by golly - ya just had to ask me...........
<----------------- Ahem, "arrogance" ?? YA THINK!!!!
I realized today post-sermon, that you're not going to get me to say I am grateful to be an alcoholic, but within the confines of this disease I can say that I am so incredibly , over-the-top out-of-this-word, fantastically GRATEFULL that the disease hasn't taken me, that I can approach the meetings with a different "attitude"
I still have my knowledge, the wisdom surrounding the disease, the fundamentals of the program, but I don't want to project that upon you. I don't want to "think I know it all" because the moment I do is the moment the beast gets much too close to the surface. And I never ever want to forget that last drink ~ by walking into those meeting rooms and hearing a newcomer's story, I can remind myself repeatedly in a given week that that is where I was. By the Grace of God, one hour by one hour, I never have to go back there.
As long as I never forget
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I'm quite fond of saying I'm like an old bit of furniture - every coat of varnish, as well as every bump, every scratch - all I've been through is there to see - and it makes me what I am today 
congratulations on your 12 days demut
D
congratulations on your 12 days demut
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 73
Transparency, or "easily seen through"
Hearing a lot over the last few years about organizations, political campaigns and/or financial institutions in regard to transparency ~ are they being forthright with their shareholders, the public? Are ethics being adhered to, is the mission statement being supported? Are monies disbursed where the statements are showing? We, as consumers, need this in order to build our trust as we consider our own personal investment with these individuals. Alcoholics, if we're educated about our disease take transparency very serious and apply its idiosyncratic check-points to our behaviors at every turning point. Being held accountable is crucial for a person in recovery. And not for the sole purpose of displaying assurance for one's spouse, for our children, our employer, family and friends, but also to build confidence in daily living, that sobriety will be an event in all that we do. Because addiction is a disease, therefore we have to treat it as such. This necessitates focused disease management that will not only address the illness but manage it over the course of a lifetime through continued care. This can lead to intrusive living where recovery is concerned. Transparency prevents the two-sided persona we live under when using,. Transparent living in all that we do leaves no room for areas of omission and certainly not room for lies. In other words, it can really put a damper on notions of using.
Ten plus years ago when I (with the help of professionals) determined that I was an alcoholic, I eventually arrived at a healthy place where shame had been replaced with feelings of accomplishment, where false images were replaced with authenticity and you could not keep me from sharing my struggles and with the progress I had made. Adding years of recovery time is both a time for celebration and a time for added vigilance. The further we are from that last drink, the further we get from remembering where that drink took us. Our addict mind LOVES this about us, which is why we speak often about the patience of the slumbering beast residing within us, which is why I have never, nor will ever, state that I am a "recovered" alcoholic. No one is and no one is immune from falling prey to the overpowering hold one succumbs to when recovery loses priority in life.
Re-building trust is no mean feat. It starts with faith on the part of others and is propelled by everyone concerned finding the balance point of transparency that leads to a re-invigoration of that broken trust. This can only happen when the addict is forthright in all affairs. There are no circumstances where keeping the disease a secret can be conducive to healthy sobriety. I'm only writing from my experience. Certainly yours may be different.
I've tried 1000 different ways to consume alcohol "normally" and I've tried countless ways of keeping my affliction a "secret." Neither of which has proven successful. I only have opportunities to gain today, I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to lose by being completely transparent in all aspects of my addiction to alcohol.,
What you see is what you get.
Ten plus years ago when I (with the help of professionals) determined that I was an alcoholic, I eventually arrived at a healthy place where shame had been replaced with feelings of accomplishment, where false images were replaced with authenticity and you could not keep me from sharing my struggles and with the progress I had made. Adding years of recovery time is both a time for celebration and a time for added vigilance. The further we are from that last drink, the further we get from remembering where that drink took us. Our addict mind LOVES this about us, which is why we speak often about the patience of the slumbering beast residing within us, which is why I have never, nor will ever, state that I am a "recovered" alcoholic. No one is and no one is immune from falling prey to the overpowering hold one succumbs to when recovery loses priority in life.
Re-building trust is no mean feat. It starts with faith on the part of others and is propelled by everyone concerned finding the balance point of transparency that leads to a re-invigoration of that broken trust. This can only happen when the addict is forthright in all affairs. There are no circumstances where keeping the disease a secret can be conducive to healthy sobriety. I'm only writing from my experience. Certainly yours may be different.
I've tried 1000 different ways to consume alcohol "normally" and I've tried countless ways of keeping my affliction a "secret." Neither of which has proven successful. I only have opportunities to gain today, I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to lose by being completely transparent in all aspects of my addiction to alcohol.,
What you see is what you get.
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