Looked at my diary today.
back again 11/09/2011
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 104
Looked at my diary today.
Hi All
I’ve just looked in my diary Jan 1st 2010 – It states
I want to give up drinking completely and I want to see what I’m capable of.
And here I am 22nd November 2010, have I given up drinking? Not really sure, all I know is I’ve managed to get through the last five days without any alcohol. Looking back through the diary there aren’t any other five days without drink mentioned…….
You see up until Thursday last week, I drank wine every day. I watched for the clock to reach the magic number 6pm. There’s always wine in the freezer cooling down, husbands already started for the evening, most nights he’ll have his beer followed by his wine (red, so always at room temp, no waiting for him). I’ve given up church, hillwalking, photography, going to the gym and seeing friends. I won’t even pick up the kids if they’re out for the evening….they can cycle or get the bus, after all I can’t drink and drive!!!
I thought I was ok, after all what’s a couple of bottles a night, all it means is I can’t sleep and after all what’s the point being sober. I don’t like myself anyway! Then it hit me, why don’t I like myself, why aren’t I able to take control and see just what I am capable of? Perhaps in time I’ll find the answers, one thing I’m starting to realise is that those answers aren’t at the bottom of yet another empty bottle.
Tonight I’ll raise a glass (of orange juice) and thank God for new friends and ask for his strength to help me stay sober.
Take care all – thanks for listening, thanks for understanding.
I’ve just looked in my diary Jan 1st 2010 – It states
I want to give up drinking completely and I want to see what I’m capable of.
And here I am 22nd November 2010, have I given up drinking? Not really sure, all I know is I’ve managed to get through the last five days without any alcohol. Looking back through the diary there aren’t any other five days without drink mentioned…….
You see up until Thursday last week, I drank wine every day. I watched for the clock to reach the magic number 6pm. There’s always wine in the freezer cooling down, husbands already started for the evening, most nights he’ll have his beer followed by his wine (red, so always at room temp, no waiting for him). I’ve given up church, hillwalking, photography, going to the gym and seeing friends. I won’t even pick up the kids if they’re out for the evening….they can cycle or get the bus, after all I can’t drink and drive!!!
I thought I was ok, after all what’s a couple of bottles a night, all it means is I can’t sleep and after all what’s the point being sober. I don’t like myself anyway! Then it hit me, why don’t I like myself, why aren’t I able to take control and see just what I am capable of? Perhaps in time I’ll find the answers, one thing I’m starting to realise is that those answers aren’t at the bottom of yet another empty bottle.
Tonight I’ll raise a glass (of orange juice) and thank God for new friends and ask for his strength to help me stay sober.
Take care all – thanks for listening, thanks for understanding.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi Zuri,
Welcome!
I had given up all my activities and my friends too, by the time I stopped drinking. I had isolated myself so that I could drink every night. Please know that you can do this and we are here to offer support.
Welcome!
I had given up all my activities and my friends too, by the time I stopped drinking. I had isolated myself so that I could drink every night. Please know that you can do this and we are here to offer support.
part time member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
Perhaps in time I’ll find the answers, one thing I’m starting to realise is that those answers aren’t at the bottom of yet another empty bottle.
back again 11/09/2011
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 104
Thankyou all for your welcome and encouragement. Its 11.30pm here and I can't sleep (usually sparko by now!), so thought I'd share my day....I went for a walk this afternoon - took the dogs to my favourite place, walked through the woods listening to Greenday - Give Me Novacaine (kind of an anthem over the last few years). Got through the woods and then out onto the cliffs, finally down onto the beach. By this time I'm listening to Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing. Got home, picked my daughter up from school, baked our Christmas cake, cooked the evening meal....And I didn't have a drink! but now I would love just one glass to get me off to sleep.
PS - Stupid question, but is it normal for my hands neck and face to be so itchy?
PS - Stupid question, but is it normal for my hands neck and face to be so itchy?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
hi Zuri! I don't know anything about the itchy. I haven't experienced that. But ..I was a major wine drinker. Cheap stuff...Carlo Rossi Sangria. Half gallon a night for a long time. Enhanced by either beer (beer if I was at home) and if I was out and about I would do whiskey..then come home and do my wine. NEVER got sick. Suffered thru some bad hangovers tho. And I really do understand the isolation. You don't want to drink and drive. So you just stay home. The cops won't come pull you out of your home!! Long story short....I finally got REALLY sick of it. Started getting really bad panic/anxiety attacks. Scared me straight. I stopped 8/22/10 made it all the way thru to 10/3. Won't go into the details but was at a party and there began my moderation theory experiment. Within no time flat I was back up to drinking mass quanities again..even more sometimes. I finally just got scared and quit. Been alcohol free since 10/28/10 and this is my last date. I will have this sobriety date the rest of my life. I am a bit of a chickensh!t and started reading on all the effects alcohol has on our health. It should be banned. It is a silent killer. It makes me SICK to think of what I have done to my body. Anyway..glad you joined us ..please check in often. We like to help!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
I remember being pretty itchy for a few days yeah...
and sleep can be problematic for a while...but it's worth perservering...I slept badly for about 10 years when drinking...95% of the time now I sleep like a baby
D
and sleep can be problematic for a while...but it's worth perservering...I slept badly for about 10 years when drinking...95% of the time now I sleep like a baby
D
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Zuri thought I answered this this afternoon, guess I didn't.
I picked the name itchy because of my whole body drying out, dandruff the works. 60 days later still itching but much better, slowly going away for me. That was sudden onset after detox.
I picked the name itchy because of my whole body drying out, dandruff the works. 60 days later still itching but much better, slowly going away for me. That was sudden onset after detox.
back again 11/09/2011
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 104
Thanks Itchy - I thought I was getting paranoid, as for sleep Dee I know that feeling....sparko after a few drinks then waking up at three in the morning and that was it till the next morning, so this business of not getting to sleep (finally at 2.30am this morning) is really wierd! MsCooterBrown love your signature. I have a freind who tells me something similar. Ah well..off to face the day
Thanks guys for being here
Thanks guys for being here
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Zuri and congrats for choosing to get out of the vicious cycle. When I got sober, I was surprised to find that I liked me much, much better that way. It took a week or so to get a good sleep, but even with a few hours the mornings felt so good - no hangover...
Take it one day at a time and when you get an urge, come and post before you pick up that drink. Good to have you here!
Take it one day at a time and when you get an urge, come and post before you pick up that drink. Good to have you here!
back again 11/09/2011
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 104
Wasn't sure where else to post an update.........
After 59 days sober, on 15th Jan thought I could have a night out (drink GnT) not my usual tipple and as I was out, well there wouldn’t be any associations, so it was going to be fine.
Fast forward 2 weeks it was a Saturday night (29th January) I said to my OH “I’d love to have a drink, I reckon after 59 days sober I can control it and it would be lovely to only have a drink once a week” So had a bottle of wine (in the house, my usual) then another one.
The following night it was another two bottles, and the same the night after that. Since that first bottle of wine I’ve only been sober for two days on the run.
It’s now 5.45pm 12th February and I’ve turned the house upside down looking for wine and all I can find is a dribble at the bottom of a bottle and boy am I peed off because I know I want more…a lot more. OH is still at the Rugby Club, so will be coming in soon half cut! It would be so easy to join him. Thing is I know there’s an AA meeting in my town tonight (small town there’s bound to be familiar faces, pretty scary) so the question is do I continue to fool myself into thinking I’m in control and find that bottle or do I go and seek help and admit that I am an alcoholic
After 59 days sober, on 15th Jan thought I could have a night out (drink GnT) not my usual tipple and as I was out, well there wouldn’t be any associations, so it was going to be fine.
Fast forward 2 weeks it was a Saturday night (29th January) I said to my OH “I’d love to have a drink, I reckon after 59 days sober I can control it and it would be lovely to only have a drink once a week” So had a bottle of wine (in the house, my usual) then another one.
The following night it was another two bottles, and the same the night after that. Since that first bottle of wine I’ve only been sober for two days on the run.
It’s now 5.45pm 12th February and I’ve turned the house upside down looking for wine and all I can find is a dribble at the bottom of a bottle and boy am I peed off because I know I want more…a lot more. OH is still at the Rugby Club, so will be coming in soon half cut! It would be so easy to join him. Thing is I know there’s an AA meeting in my town tonight (small town there’s bound to be familiar faces, pretty scary) so the question is do I continue to fool myself into thinking I’m in control and find that bottle or do I go and seek help and admit that I am an alcoholic
I hope this can be a new fresh start to a sober life for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 178
Questions and answers. The mystery is solved. Your first post and your last post tells me one thing. Between the two posts, you did "one thing" which has resulted in three months of drinking. Soak it all in because when you do arrest this addiction of ours, you will want that mental ammunition that feeds your commitment to a life of freedom. No sense in letting a good lesson go to waste! Make it pay you back, by working for you on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Zuri - I hope you do the best thing for yourself and
get to a meeting tonight. It is going to be difficult
to shut down that alcoholic voice in your head but
it is doable. That endless cycle is so painful and so
dangerous and I know it well. Is there somebody that
you could call that would be safe to be with you to
support you not drinking until the time of that meeting?
Freedom is right there for you, please reach out and
grab it. It seems like you are having a moment
of clarity and I hope you act on it!
get to a meeting tonight. It is going to be difficult
to shut down that alcoholic voice in your head but
it is doable. That endless cycle is so painful and so
dangerous and I know it well. Is there somebody that
you could call that would be safe to be with you to
support you not drinking until the time of that meeting?
Freedom is right there for you, please reach out and
grab it. It seems like you are having a moment
of clarity and I hope you act on it!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
