blackouter

Hi all,

I'm new here. I never really felt like I had a drinking problem. I didn't usually drink very often, only socially when others wanted to go out for drinks. Never alone at home.
But I did find that many times when I did drink, I would drink too much and I would wake up with a hangover 50 percent of the time. I didn't even see too big of a problem with that, but something changed about a month ago.

I was having drinks with a friend. And as usual, after two glasses, I just wanted to keep drinking. I remember everything into the tiniest details up until a certain point. Then it all of a sudden goes blank. This had never happened to me before. It was a horrible night unlike any other drunken night I've ever experienced. I ended up alone, and have a vague recollection of some sort of altercation and running away from someone. When I came to I was crying and hysterical in a taxi cab, requesting to be taken to the police. Once there, the police requested another cab for me, which took me home. I was probably too incoherent to tell them anything.
I don't know what else really happened, for all I know I threw up all over the bar. God knows. All I know is, I will never go back there. I'm so embarrassed.
It was the kind of night that could have easily ended with me being raped and/or murdered. I now see how these things can happen much easier than I had previously thought.

Luckily, I made it home alive, for which I am very grateful. I now realize that I am simply not capable of handling alcohol in a responsible manner and I have decided to never drink again. Not that hard, as even 4 weeks later, I still get sick at the sight of even just people drinking on TV.
I never want to put myself in such a scary situation again, and quite frankly, even before this incident I was starting to feel like hangovers were so not worth it. The older I get (30 now), the crappier I feel the next day.

Anyway, I just wanted to post my story here to see if anyone has a similar experience. As I mentioned, being sober won't be too difficult for me. I don't ever really crave alcohol at all, and after that horrific night I don't even want to think about drinking.
The only thing that I have noticed is that some of my friends try to pressure me to drink again, and I really just don't even feel like going to a bar, not even to "just hang out". They seem to have a harder time adjusting to my decision, but they will just have to deal with it. I am not going to drink just to please them.

Impurrfect

((Blackouter)) - welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support here.

I wouldn't count on staying sober being easy. Time has a way of minimizing the bad stuff, and we get to thinking "I've done great, all this time, one or two won't hurt" and it's usually back to where we were, often worse.

Years ago, I used to drink a LOT. Didn't have a problem giving it up, but later turned to opiates...gave THEM up without a problem, then found crack....that took me to my knees. I didn't have a problem with the substances, I had a problem with ME. I didn't want to deal with stuff in my life, and being numb was my answer.

Don't know if this is what's going on with you, but it's just my experience.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

blackouter

Thanks, Amy. I hear you on the time minimizing the effects of things. I have felt like quitting before and came back to drinking, but somehow this blacking out thing really scared the crap out of me and it feels very different this time.
I suppose one can never know for sure, but I don't think I will turn to drugs. I've never done any drugs in my life and don't see me starting with that now. Alcohol, I guess there is always a slight chance, but I feel like I'm done with it this time.

BelfastBhoy

In my humble opinion i don't think you sound like an alcoholic. 90% of people who drink at all will have some sort of experience like that at some point or other, many even regularly. So long as you learn from your mistake, know your limits, then i don't see a huge problem. It would be a real big problem if it recurs ofcourse. Good job on staying of the booze anyway if thats what you decided is best for ya!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Blackouter

Had I stopped at my first blackout things might have turned out very differently for me.

As it was I got past the fear, shrugged it off and went back to drinking, and on to having many more blackouts...sadly I became used to them.

I think you're being very wise - stick with your decision

D

blackouter

Thanks all for your responses. And thanks, Dee, for moving this thread to the right place

BB, the problem with me and drinking is that I don't seem to know my limits once I'm past a drink or 2/3. That's when I just want more. I know when I'm sober that I should not have more than a certain amount, but when I am drinking, that goes out the window. That's why I decided to just quit. I don't know if my behavior would be classified as alcoholism or not, but I feel that if it creates dangerous situations like the one I was in, what it's called doesn't really matter. I won't miss drinking. The only small thing now is my friends who will have to learn to have a friend around who doesn't drink

HidLid

I had black outs basically every time I drank from when I started @ 16 to when I stopped @ 24 a few months ago. Didn't know my limit, didn't care. Don't be hung up on labels, having a problem with drinking is a good enough reason as any to stop.

julez

Blackouter, your post sounds just like me, except my drinking turned into a nightly thing. I used to drink, get drunk, have a hangover and be done with it, but before long I was drinking, and blacking out every time! I never put myself in a dangerous situation, because I usually drink at home with my husband, but I'm a mom, and if anything happened to my kids, I couldn't handle it! So, I think your decision is a good one. Your friends can put their big girl panties on and deal with it!

least

Welcome to a great place for support. I agree: don't get hung up on labels, just be glad you got sober before something really awful happened to you. And by giving it up now, you won't be making horrible memories (or lack of memories) for your future.

Anna

Hi,

I can totally relate to your post, but sadly I wasn't wise enough to stop drinking the first time I had a blackout. I still clung to the notion that I could control my drinking the next time. Of course, before long, I realized that I had NO CLUE as to when I was crossing that invisible line, and it was truly Russian Roulette with my life.

Good for you for seeing the problem for what it is, and for making the changes in your life that you need.

blackouter

Thanks, all, for your encouraging comments! It confirms to me that I'm doing the right thing

ImReadyToQuit

+1

HidLid

ha, we might be a bit of a biased crowd

Be forewarned: the rest of society will barely understand, things get tricky, to yourself be true.

blackouter

That's okay, the rest of society barely understands me already and vice versa

ChangeIsGood123

Oh I remember the blackouts. And the feeling of dread and panic the next morning. Notice I say blackouts bc I too did not stop after one. But I wish I had bc they haunt me to this day. Of course it reaffirms that I am doing right by being sober. And I feel you are doing right as well.

LaFemme

Welcome to SR and congrats on your decision to quit...imo its the best decision anyone can make, and it sounds like it was effecting you badly...one question...was this your first blackout...because it kind of sounds like someone might have slipped something in your drink. I'm glad you are alright and here.

Itchy

Well I am glad I read this thread. All this time I thought I was an alcoholic. But in fact I never had a problem with drinking, I only had a problem with stopping.

On a more serious note (E-Minor):
Blackouter, I too think you are doing exactly the right thing.

stellaloella

I think you're ahead of the game if you're concerned about your episode. It took me many, many, many episodes to get clued in. I think if you are concerned about what happened, it's a gift you should embrace. Best wishes to you.

blackouter

You know, that also did cross my mind, and I think that is in part why I requested to be taken to the police. (I wish I knew what I told them , but I don't even remember which station I ended up at.) It was my first black-out and I think it is very possible that that may have happened, but I have to come to terms with the fact that I will never know.
In any case, I feel it is still the drinking that got me in that bad situation in the first place. I know that when I used to drink, I did drink way too much sometimes. I never blacked out before this, but I have had horrible hangovers. No more for me! Thanks for the support!

Cottonwoodchris

Yep, you aren't alone there for sure. An alcoholic brain feeds on the buzz. The more we drink, the more we want. I had 3 years sober, had one drink, "oh, I can handle it" and was back to a bottle a day right away. I never had a blackout (or I didn't remember it, LOL) but I sure got kicked out from a lot of bars for puking up on the dance floor.

Detox may be tough, see your doctor. And as far as the friends that encourage you to drink, IMHO of course, they aren't true friends. Even tho my friends drink, none of them do it on a constant basis like I used to, they support my decision to be sober. They actually will call me and bug me, "did you drink today?" Their are aquantinces, and their are true friends.

Stay strong, stay sober, and keep coming back here.