Lilly03

This evening I had planned on going to a new late night meeting but ended up missing it. I just decided not to go. I went to the grocery store instead and the whole way there I was thinking about using. The thoughts kept coming, "Just this once...it will help you sleep tonight". "Drinking is OK, you'll drink tonight and then be done". "You can take some sleeping pills to help sleep and then wean yourself off them". I don't think any pill that would help me sleep is a good idea. I used drinking and pills to help sleep, and I need to learn to do it on my own. Now probably isn't the best time to start taking pills - especially when I'm thinking obsessively about it.

Fortunately I talked myself out of it and thought about my time sober and my withdrawal last time and that helped me. I prayed for the strength to not leave the store with anything I shouldn't. I got some food and used the money I would have used on alcohol and bought some magazines instead. (A little gift to myself for making the right choice). I went home and did some art homework. A half hour later I was back to normal and didn't have any urge.

It's crazy how it can creep up on you. I've had triggers that have made me want to give in since I've been sober - but it was more of a feeling of wanting to use...This time it was a lot of thoughts of using.

I'm not sure yet what brought this on - I think it may be missing the meeting but I'm not sure? I was feeling lonely. I've been isolating myself. It's been over a week since I've been to a meeting. I think the time off has made me scared to go back. And I haven't been to the same meeting twice - the second time I feel I'll "have" to talk". Fortunately I've kept up on school and my therapy, but I've gotten into a bad habit of staying in and watching TV. I don't even like TV! Somehow I need to find the strength to get myself back out there. I think the longer you're away from people the harder it is to get back out there.

Dee74

I think you know the areas where you can work on, Lily.
Please do follow through on all of that - you're very self aware and that's great but that's not worth much if you then don't work on the areas that are making you wobbly.

I'm not in NA but I've never heard of anyone 'having to talk' in a meeting.
Sounds like that might be your expectation and no-one elses?

D

VeeTee

Hi Lilly - thanks for sharing that and well done on walking out with the magazines! I am happy and grateful for the reminder - it's a thin line between the booze and me!

I haven't shared in my last few meetings - so I guess it's OK. Even when I don't share it really helps me and gives me strength. So, Lilly, do hit the next possible meeting so you can to refill your sober batteries.

take care
vee

lulu70

Hey Lilly--Good for you on getting through your urges last night. I'm on day 2 from pot and it is so hard not to just give in when I know just a little bit would take the edge off. Do get to a meeting, though, and don't worry about "having to talk." If nothing else, you can always just say, "My name is Lilly and I am an addict. I'm glad to be here and glad to be clean today and with that I'll pass." People do it all the time. Most people think it is a good idea to just listen a lot when you are early in recovery anyway. And no one is going to have a problem with you coming back after being gone for a while. They will just be glad to see you.

Hang in there. WE can do it!!!

least

It is close, closer than we think. I keep alert and aware every day that my alcoholism could start back up at any minute if I 'relax' my thinking. Almost a year now and doing great, no urge to drink anymore, but still working on my recovery every day. I've substituted gratitude and kindness in place of drinking and it's working well for me. I do not want to drink when I'm grateful for my life and all my blessings.

julez

Hi Lilly,
Good for you that you resisted the urge to pick up. Sometimes the thoughts come out of nowhere and we need to believe that if we wait it out, they will be gone, and we will be very happy we did!
I was very triggered a few days ago, and the thought to drink didn't cross my mind. Yesterday, for some reason, I wanted to. No reason, I wasn't upset, it just came into my head that it was something I'd like to do. I'm so glad I didn't. I know you are too. I missed my meeting yesterday, and you can bet that I can't wait to go today!!

Itchy