WatchTheSky

For my first weeks of sobriety, I've stayed away from situations involving alcohol. For the first time tonight, I'll be around alcohol. I'm going to have my car so I can get away if I need to, but I'm still nervous. I wanted to post on here so I'll have some sort of accountability. If staying away from these situations was a better option, I'd gladly do it, but I'm in college and I really do miss my friends. I'm not talking about drinking buddies, but my actual friends who happen to drink.

My friend is an alcoholic and drug addict. He dropped out of school last week and is moving out on Monday. Tonight is his 21st birthday. It's going to be heartbreaking for me to be with him on his birthday, as I'm still trying to accept that I can't save him. Two years ago, if people who knew us voted on who would be in his position today, the vote would have been 50% me and 50% him. I'm proud that I'm getting sober, but internally I'm going to be a mess tonight.

I was also greeted by two friends (well, okay, these are drinking buddies) I ran into last night as "the one who's too good to party with us." Getting sober in college is not easy.

Dee74

I'm not sure I'd be going to a party where the host is an alcoholic or drug addict, WTS...I'm thinking it's pretty inevitable what this party will be like, yeah?

If it was me I'd have gone for the quiet coffee tomorrow option to say happy birthday and goodbye

It's not easy for anyone to stay sober - regardless of age - but we can make it easier on ourselves with the choices we make.

It's great you posted, and I'm glad you're thinking of escape plans. Stick near your sober friends.

D

Kitey

I hope it goes well tonight and you gotthrough it ok! Your Braver than me...lol

WatchTheSky

Dee, I like the idea of getting together with him tomorrow to say goodbye. My first thought was "he won't show up if I make plans for Sunday" but if that turned out to be true, it would be more his loss than mine. I love him dearly but seeing how unwilling he is to try to change his life right now, I've started saying goodbye to the friend I knew. He'll be mad if I'm not there for his birthday, but if I am there, he'll be mad that I'm not drinking. In a lose-lose situation, I might be better off just making other plans.

Fandy

I hope you have a strong resolve....those people who make snide remarks are not true friends.

you cannot control anyone's behavior except your own. I can imagine how you feel watching others do what you used to....and you are smart to have your own car.

I'm with Dee, maybe a short participation and get out of the situation. too bad about your friend's demise...but be glad it isn't you. THAT is a good thing. very smart....if you wait another 20 years (like me) it is even harder.

look at your hard drinking friends in a few years and then make a comparison....you will be light years ahead.

johndelko408

Sounds like you have it figured out. I would definitely try and do Dee's suggestion. I understand that you want to hang out with your friend, but is it worth it if he's going to get mad cause your not drinking.

least

I rarely drank at bars and parties so had/have no fear of those. WHat was the biggest challenge for me was just being home alone, as usual, without drinking. That said, I would have been very uncomfortable being around alcohol/drinkers so early in sobriety.

Whether you go or not, I pray you can stay sober. And yes, those "friends" are not friends at all, to be making nasty remarks to you because you won't 'party' with them. As the saying goes; ditch the b!tch. With 'friends' like that, who needs enemies...

thisaintliving

Hi WTS,

I'm in a very similar boat. Today is my day 7 and up until last night dealt with my first sober week without too much troubles. Last night I had to go to a friends house for a bit of a party and BBQ........the sort of situation where I'd normally end up crawling home in the early hours.

All my friends and my wife were drinking, and it was the first time I had put myself in this sort of situation. I should mention though that these are good friends of mine....far more than just acquaintances. They know that I'm not drinking but I haven't told them why and they don't know the extent of my addiction (except my wife of course)

For me it is important to face these situations head on, I've lost a lot in the past due to my drinking.....I don't want to lose anything due to my sobriety. I think if I locked myself up and lived as a hermit that would probably lead me back to drinking more than trying to continue to live my life as normal just minus the alcohol.

Anyway, I can't say I enjoyed the evening but my resolve stayed strong. It was hard watching everyone drinking and having fun and I did want to be a part of it. I did feel uncomfortable amongst good friends without my security blanket. But I believe.....I have to believe, that in time this will become easier.

Good luck my friend If your resolve is there and your desire to remain sober is strong enough then I believe you can get through this night. However If you have any doubt in either, maybe take Dee's advice (which is always excellent) and give the party a miss and catch up for coffee tomorrow.

Again good luck. It all comes down to the choices we make.

WatchTheSky

Thank you all. I didn't mean to imply that it's harder to get sober in college than later in life. I certainly didn't mean to diminish the amazing work that others are doing, so I hope it didn't sound like that! I'm sure it's actually more difficult later! It's just that the pressures are different, you know? I'll post later tonight about whether I decided to stop by the party or not.

thisaintliving

I didn't take any of your comments like that at all mate

The situations are different.......where you have more peer pressure to contend with.......us older folk have more years of addiction that we have to wipe away. I doubt that one is harder than the other in reality, I certainly know that in my early 20's I wouldn't have had the strength to do what I'm doing now.......I would have felt like a freak for being a non drinker!!! Maybe that has to do with the circle of friends I kept, but I can't remember one of them that didn't drink.......heavily.

Mate, if you can recognise in your college years that your drinking is outside the "norm" and are willing to deal with it now, then you have a big head start in life to a lot of us here. You should be commended for that maturity and insight, and you certainly have my respect for it

All the best.

WatchTheSky

I went to the party and I am still sober. It was quite an experience. Most of the people there have dealt with me through my most embarrassing drunk antics and were supportive of my sobriety! I had no problem walking around and chatting with people. It didn't matter if I sounded stupid anyway because nobody would have noticed!

As for the friend who turned 21 tonight, it was heartbreaking to look up and see him being carried back into the house. I stayed with him when nobody else did, and I caught his head when he rolled out of bed. That turned into us laying on the floor for an hour while he cried in my arms. I am grateful to be on my own path these days.

johndelko408

Good job watch, that's awesome. As far as your friend goes, crying in your arms, it almost sounds like you're rubbing off on him. I know tomorrow he's probably gonna feel like crap, which in a sense is good. It would be a very nice opportunity to ask him if he might want to attend a meeting with you. You never know, this could be his bottom and you could be saving the life of a fellow alcoholic. It wouldn't hurt to ask him, and you could always tell him its not going to kill him to try one meeting. Sometimes when there sick and hungover there mindset and desire to drink isn't very large, but the desire to quit is. You want to get them at that point. I know whenever I woke up with a really bad hangover I would always tell myself, "I'm never drinking again", but I'd always forget this when I felt better. What about you?

WatchTheSky

I had the same experience! It's much easier to say you'll quit during a horrible hangover. But the time that I really decided to quit, I was still drunk. I was alone and really sick and some tidbit of rational thought came to me. I wrote myself a letter for the next day explaining how it felt to be wasted and alone, and I haven't had a drink since.

I wish I could take the friend to a meeting, but he dropped out of school and he's leaving today. I plan to bring it up when I'm home for Christmas break because he lives in a town near mine. I'm hoping that his parents will get him into some sort of treatment as a condition of moving back home without being in school or paying rent. They're understandably pretty angry. I hope that energy gets channeled into getting him help. Thank you for your support!