Having my eyes open, Moments of clarity...
It's amazing to think about how I was feeling two weeks ago today and then a week ago today. I was feeling off balance and my head was racing around, needless to say my gratitude was slipping which introduced self-pity and this inevitably means that my feeling of spirituality slips right down too. I knew that this was happening so I made sure that I shared it on SR and actively took on board the suggestions, though just having people show they care was of massive comfort.
AA has been of massive help to me since I started to Uni. The positive feedback and genuine thanks from oldtimers with 30+ years of sobriety is very humbling and I just feel so grateful. I also really enjoy talking to newcomers afterwards and trying to show them that recovery is worth the effort and work. I can honestly say that AA has helped me immeasurably and I'm so grateful for the meetings and the AA program as a whole.
I have always found that when I have came through difficult times where I've felt totally off-balance and my head has been racing then it's always been worth it. I have found this again and I've experienced some profound moments of clarity recently and they are incredibly inspiring. It's hard to describe but today I just had a feeling that I was exactly where I am meant to be. I was walking down a road and then it suddenly dawned on me that the name of the road was the name of my old band from when I was 17. I have been driving and walking down that same road for the last few weeks but never consciously noticed it. Today it suddenly hit me and I was just blown-away.
This is what keeps me coming back for more in my recovery. These feelings are so pure and warm, I got a feeling in my chest last night after the AA meeting that I haven't felt since my days back drinking and drugging where my chest was just warm and felt so great. This was so much better as it was real and it wasn't going to end and turn into a horrible depression.
Keep sober 'one day at a time'. It truly is worth it.