CatWings

Hello -

I have not been to this site in about two years. Two years ago, I gave up using cannabis but then fell right back into it upon getting back together with my ex boyfriend (who is now finally my ex for the last time.) It was a painful relationship for me as I figured out he was concealing how much he was drinking and then I had to look at my own addiction issues when he broke up with me when I finally confronted him on lying once again about his drinking.

Booze was basically chosen over me and it hurt. I started self-medicating even more ater the breakup but always knew that if we broke up again, I would want to quit weed. I am also having to face my own slight alcohol problem as I tend to want to drink when upset or when alone. So I decided to give it all up.

I have about 30 days of no marijuana and about 16 days of no alcohol and I feel like a total stress case and basket case. Last time I gave this up, I felt so much better. The detox was a lot harder time this time as well. I think I am going through some days where symptoms of post-acute withdrawal are getting to me.

I am so anxious and frazzled, I can hardly think straight or focus on much. I am causing stress to some people around me because I am so stressed out. I am starting to wonder why I am even bothering stopping weed if I feel this bad, but then I remind myself that I didn't want to feel bad on weed either or dependent.

So it's just been very hard on me. I was hoping I would feel a lot better and wonder if it is normal to feel like total raw nerve for a while. I have not been much of an AA person but am going to meeting this thursday with someone I look up to and will give it another shot. I think I am finally in a good enough place to take it in with where I am at spiritually.

So just wondering if some of this is normal. I want to get to the other side of this and feel better that I am not distracting my reality anymore with some outside substance.

Thanks!

Cat

p.s. One of the reasons I wanted to get clean and sober as well, is to help me stay away from getting involved with other addicts. It's always a let down.

Isaiah

Terribly normal, I'm afraid. It can last a while but it does go away. Hang in there.

Dee74

Hi Cat

Welcome back

Yep it's normal - thats one of the reasons why it's so darn hard for most of us to make this 'stick'.

I'm glad you're looking for support tho - I think it's vital really. You'll find a lot of it here too

Every one of my detoxes was different too, btw.

See your Dr if you're really worried, but its fair to say it is within the bounds of normal to not feel great this far in. It was for me anyway...

Trust me though - it does get better!

D

VeeTee

Cat - welcome back. I am going through the same symptoms as you are ( and add a bit of depression into the mix) so I guess it's quite normal. I hope you like your meeting - I find AA very helpful, even when I can't relate to people talking about jitters I can connect to the underlying alcoholism.
vee

least

Oh yes, very normal. Early recovery is very much a bumpy ride for a while, but don't give up now! It could be PAWS or it could be a physical ailment disguised as "just feeling crummy". If you don't start feeling better in a month or two, see your doctor for a complete checkup, just to be sure.

Hang in there! It does get better.

CatWings

I think the other thing that's depressing is just dealing with the reality of what has become of my life on some level. It was easier to think it was not that bad when I was self-medicating. Now everything that bothered me before is totally in my face. I thought I would have more energy, but I don't. I find the whole thing exhausting, but I will stick with it. I also have bipolar issues and am dealing with medication issues along with chronic pain and fatigue, so it's been a bit much. I do sort of enjoy having a clearer head, however.

doggonecarl

You might have to look at it the other way around...the only way to get clean and sober is to stay away from anyone that uses. Remove yourself from all temptation and "involvement" and sobriety will be easier to tackle.

Anna

Good advice here, and I would add that stopping drinking/using is the beginning of the journey. What other changes have you made in your life besides stopping? I think meditating can help, exercise is great, activities that get you 'outside' of yourself, whatever will help.

Boleo

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Every time we relapse we dig the hole a little deeper. Perhaps you have reached a point where "not drinking" does not treat your disease.

Have you tried a spiritual solution?

CatWings

I am meditatiing and have started on this whole course of Qigong healing - diet changes, meditations, virtues, etc. I am not a God person at all but am more of a Taoist so that will have to fit into the AA thing somehow. I just find I am doing all this stuff and it is not making enough of an impact. I feel better for an hour and then it's down again. I think I am also dealing wtih PMS right now so that is probably it too. I try to ask the Universe for help, but I still don't feel well. I think community will help so I am staying away from those still using and going to an AA meeting and sticking with people who do not use.

CatWings

I think the depression underneath my using is just move evident and I'm getting the winter blahs and now really truly grieving my last relationship. But I've always been prone to severe bouts of depression no matter what. I am sure my brain chemistry is readjusting.