manoverboard

I joined this board today after following a link from a friend's Facebook page. She's an alcoholic and has been sober for nearly two years.

I've struggled with a meth addiction for about five years now.

Addiction runs in my family. My sister has always been the so-called black sheep of the family, getting into anything that comes her way (though mainly heroin and alcohol). My Dad is a GP who has struggled with bipolar and an addiction to prescription painkillers.

Between the two of them, I spent my childhood watching disaster after disaster. I have always been driven to excel at whatever I do, partly because, watching my parents cop blow after blow from my sister's misdeeds, I felt it was something I "could do to help".

I have never been able to speak to anybody about my problem, mainly because, between Dad and big sis, I don't feel there's room.

It would break my Mum's heart to know. I've kept my habit tightly under wraps. For some time now, she's figured I'm just "down on my luck", but "luck" isn't the problem.

I know this: I'm sick of the roller coaster ride and of fighting to keep my eyes open at social events because I'm on the verge of passing out from exhaustion. I'm sick of never having any money and of making excuses to myself about why my peers are doing better than me. I'm sick of blaming "luck" and "fate" for my shortcomings.

I am crippled, but know I can change.

ANGELINA243

Help is possible. We do recover. Welcome to Sober Recovery. This place has helped me alot with my recovery. What methods have you tried to get clean? Have you been to NA or any other programs in the past? Continue to reach out for help. This place has some great info and support. Glad you are here. You are not alone.

manoverboard

Thanks, Angelina243.

I've never been to an NA meeting, though I've thought about it a lot. There are meetings in my area once or twice a week. I certainly have the time on my hands at the moment.

I have two concerns about going to NA, which I'd appreciate your (or anyone else's) thoughts on.

(1) My biggest concern about NA is running into my sister, who attends from time to time. This may not seem like such a bad thing, right? It is. Last year, on a bender, she telephoned the hometown local paper to tell them that my Dad was addicted to pain meds, amongst other things. She's done similar things to me, though never about my drug problem (because she doesn't know about it).

(2) My second concern is that I have a job in the public eye and am worried about how "anonymous" it would be for me.

I don't know how to reconcile these things ... any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

I've never been in a program. I've just tried "cold turkey", with varying (that is to say, bugger all) success. I recently spent a month clean during an overseas holiday ... and have had six weeks clean over last year's Christmas/New Year period.

Dee74

Hi manoverboard

Welcome to SR.

You know meth is pretty hard to beat. You haven't done it on your own. It's time to call in reinforcements.

Trouble is many of the same arguments you're putting up against NA, hold for any other kind of recovery programme or rehab too....but a lot of those objections are fears and what ifs.

Weigh them against the fact you need to change something, and now.

Many people, including high profile people, and many many people who had a hard time letting go of the secret life of addiction, have used programmes like AA and NA.

I was one with secrets. I'm an alcoholic but I let those arguments, and my pride, and my fear of being found out, nearly kill me.

Think about all your options - there's a very exhaustive list of resources here...it might start you off..?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-recover.html

D

doggonecarl

I guess you could wait until you get arrested or overdose before you come "public" with your addiction. But why wait? Meth is robbing you of your life. I beat Meth in the 80s, but it took OD'ing to open my eyes.

As far as your sister, maybe coming clean to her and your family would be a start. Hard for me to say. Those are dynamics only you are familar with.

Good luck.

least

WElcome to the family! Take a look at our substance abuse forum. Lots of support and good advice there.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/

leo21

I have found that the times when we are completely broken can be the times when we find enormous strength.

Ponder that sentence and dig deep.