where to start? my story, help needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 9
where to start? my story, help needed
It takes more than you will ever know to write this, to have found this site and reach out for help. Some of it you may relate to, some you may not but any advice will be welcome and appreciated. Downing and the hard nose doesn't work with me, just makes me defensive.
I am a 26 year old female with 2 children that my parents have custody of. I have severe health issues and have been covering my addiction with these for 3 years now. I have had several surgeries and had narcotic pain killers thrown at me throughout. Granted, I have issues with pain, but I have become dependent on these pills. According to my research, I am dependent, not addicted. I have never bought off the street nor will I. I have been on lortab, percocet, and most recently dilaudid while I await surgery. I have tried to be tapered off the drugs before but to no avail because I had to have another procedure. Right now I am facing another surgery and am on 4mg dilaudid pills. My neurologist gives me 13 pills of 8mg dilaudid per month for narcotic rescue for severe migraines. My 4mg dilaudid pills are for severe endometriosis; I have already had a hysterectomy and multiple abdominal surgeries and am facing another major surgery to clean out the endometriosis and remove my last ovary.
These pills are now controlling my life. I have started snorting them so they work faster and have to take more than the label says for relief. Currently I am taking about 10 pills a day. When I don't have pills, I have to go to the emergency room to try to get more because I get very anxious, shaky, cry and feel like I have the flu. I cannot go more than one day without the pills. I am tired of living this way. I need to be able to get my kids back and raise them without a pill dependency. I have found also that I like the way the pills make me feel- I am happier, more energetic, more active when I am on them so when I have a bad day I take an extra few pills. I DO NOT want to live this way anymore. I am on antidepressants but the narcotics seem to be an instant fix. The pills dominate my thinking and I cannot enjoy my life. I am constantly counting how many I have left in my head, arguing with myself about how many I can take a day, dreading when I will be out, etc. I wake up thinking about them and go to bed thinking about them. Not to mention I smoke like a chimney when on them and am spending quite a bit of money on cigaretted because of it- I don't smoke at all when not on pills. I'm sure my lungs are black and my liver is crying- I want to be able to live a long life for my children.
Any advice would be helpful on how, after I'm finished with my surgeries, to get off these evil drugs once and for all. Thank you for listening and understanding. :rotfxko
I am a 26 year old female with 2 children that my parents have custody of. I have severe health issues and have been covering my addiction with these for 3 years now. I have had several surgeries and had narcotic pain killers thrown at me throughout. Granted, I have issues with pain, but I have become dependent on these pills. According to my research, I am dependent, not addicted. I have never bought off the street nor will I. I have been on lortab, percocet, and most recently dilaudid while I await surgery. I have tried to be tapered off the drugs before but to no avail because I had to have another procedure. Right now I am facing another surgery and am on 4mg dilaudid pills. My neurologist gives me 13 pills of 8mg dilaudid per month for narcotic rescue for severe migraines. My 4mg dilaudid pills are for severe endometriosis; I have already had a hysterectomy and multiple abdominal surgeries and am facing another major surgery to clean out the endometriosis and remove my last ovary.
These pills are now controlling my life. I have started snorting them so they work faster and have to take more than the label says for relief. Currently I am taking about 10 pills a day. When I don't have pills, I have to go to the emergency room to try to get more because I get very anxious, shaky, cry and feel like I have the flu. I cannot go more than one day without the pills. I am tired of living this way. I need to be able to get my kids back and raise them without a pill dependency. I have found also that I like the way the pills make me feel- I am happier, more energetic, more active when I am on them so when I have a bad day I take an extra few pills. I DO NOT want to live this way anymore. I am on antidepressants but the narcotics seem to be an instant fix. The pills dominate my thinking and I cannot enjoy my life. I am constantly counting how many I have left in my head, arguing with myself about how many I can take a day, dreading when I will be out, etc. I wake up thinking about them and go to bed thinking about them. Not to mention I smoke like a chimney when on them and am spending quite a bit of money on cigaretted because of it- I don't smoke at all when not on pills. I'm sure my lungs are black and my liver is crying- I want to be able to live a long life for my children.
Any advice would be helpful on how, after I'm finished with my surgeries, to get off these evil drugs once and for all. Thank you for listening and understanding. :rotfxko
Last edited by timeforanewlife; 11-16-2010 at 10:26 AM. Reason: forgot some info
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
We have two specific forums you might be interested in. The first is for pain management in recovery.
Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
THe second is for substance abuse.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/
Take a look at both of them for support and good information.
Have you asked your doctor(s) for help in getting off the pain pills? I'd start there, if you haven't already done so.
Welcome to the family!
Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
THe second is for substance abuse.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/
Take a look at both of them for support and good information.
Have you asked your doctor(s) for help in getting off the pain pills? I'd start there, if you haven't already done so.
Welcome to the family!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 9
My neurologist tried to taper me off and it worked, but then I relapsed after another surgery... my obgyn promises me she will help me get off once my surgeries are done but with the way I've found the pills make me feel I don't know that I'll have the strength to do it...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Hi Timeforanewlife,
I wanted to say Welcome! I think Least gave you very good advice. I can't really add anything to what she posted. Maybe seek some counseling or NA. Just wanted you to know your not alone in your struggle.
Keep reading and posting. It helped me to make the right decision.
I wanted to say Welcome! I think Least gave you very good advice. I can't really add anything to what she posted. Maybe seek some counseling or NA. Just wanted you to know your not alone in your struggle.
Keep reading and posting. It helped me to make the right decision.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Hey Time,
Welcome to SR. I'm not familiar with pill dependency, so don't have any wisdom to share, but I wanted to send a hello and some words of support your way.
If you are honest with your doctors, and they say they will help you when your surgeries are over, then you have to trust and believe in that for now. I'm sure you aren't the first person they've heard this from. When your surgeries are over, take an ACTIVE course of action for your recovery. I'm wishing you the best on your medical procedures, and also your recovery from the pills.
Welcome to SR. I'm not familiar with pill dependency, so don't have any wisdom to share, but I wanted to send a hello and some words of support your way.
If you are honest with your doctors, and they say they will help you when your surgeries are over, then you have to trust and believe in that for now. I'm sure you aren't the first person they've heard this from. When your surgeries are over, take an ACTIVE course of action for your recovery. I'm wishing you the best on your medical procedures, and also your recovery from the pills.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 9
Thank you so much for the support. It helps some just to know I'm not alone. I never thought I would be at this point in my life and I'm just so disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to become dependent on something... ugh.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Lost
Posts: 65
I am married to a woman who has been battling endometreosis for almost 7 years. She too has ended up with a hysterectomy, and is close to having her remaining ovary removed. Eight surgeries in a bit over 6 years... and yet the scar tissue returns, as does the pain. They no longer want to perform any more "clean-ups" because it seems to proliferate the build up of additional scar tissue...
She still has... moderate... pain issues somewhat frequently. Earlier this year she went to a local major university that actually had a study grant for endometreosis, and after four or five consults, they prescribed a rather intense (and somewhat invasive- if you catch my drift) physical therapy regimen. Of course, she was hesitant, but also tired of the pain.
The first few weeks of PT was very painful for her. Slowly, as time went on however, the scar tissue stretched more and more, to where is wasn't pulling on her organs and muscles nearly as intensely. She now manages her pain by doing pilates. She can tell when things start to "tense up", and through low impact exercise, she continues to keep the tissue loose and stretched out.
She rarely uses anything more than ibuprofen at this point. It's been quite the blessing.
I wish for you to be pain and prescription free.
She still has... moderate... pain issues somewhat frequently. Earlier this year she went to a local major university that actually had a study grant for endometreosis, and after four or five consults, they prescribed a rather intense (and somewhat invasive- if you catch my drift) physical therapy regimen. Of course, she was hesitant, but also tired of the pain.
The first few weeks of PT was very painful for her. Slowly, as time went on however, the scar tissue stretched more and more, to where is wasn't pulling on her organs and muscles nearly as intensely. She now manages her pain by doing pilates. She can tell when things start to "tense up", and through low impact exercise, she continues to keep the tissue loose and stretched out.
She rarely uses anything more than ibuprofen at this point. It's been quite the blessing.
I wish for you to be pain and prescription free.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Addiction is not a character defect, it's a disease.
And, I think we have been really scared when we knew we had to stop drinking or using drugs.
I'm glad that you know you have a problem with the pills and that you want to stop.
And, I think we have been really scared when we knew we had to stop drinking or using drugs.
I'm glad that you know you have a problem with the pills and that you want to stop.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 28
I'm not familiar with pill dependency, but I wanted to say GOOD LUCK. You've taken a first step, which is really important. I could not even imagine losing my kids, but I think all of us have envisioned where the road to addiction could end. (((hugs)))
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, Time - Just wanted to add my support and say that I never thought I'd be dependent on a substance either.
Addiction affects people of all backgrounds, ages and incomes. Infact, alcoholics and addicts overall are more intelligent than the average population. So it's not about being a failure. Once we find it interferes with our lives, it's often very difficult to stop on our own.
I'm glad you have a physician to help you, and you're right to think about how you're going to keep from taking pills in the future. I wish you all the best and hope you hang around - SR is a great support!
Addiction affects people of all backgrounds, ages and incomes. Infact, alcoholics and addicts overall are more intelligent than the average population. So it's not about being a failure. Once we find it interferes with our lives, it's often very difficult to stop on our own.
I'm glad you have a physician to help you, and you're right to think about how you're going to keep from taking pills in the future. I wish you all the best and hope you hang around - SR is a great support!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
You haven't failed. You've become addicted. I would think that the way out might lie in (1) having a good doctor, whom you like and trust and who is familiar with problems of addiction, (2) being entirely frank with him or her and (3) the two of you working together to ease you off of the medication when the surgeries are over. Then some kind of a program to help you get group support or what else that's needed to make your recovery last. You're right. You don't have to live this way and there is a way to get yourself a better life. Good luck.
W.
W.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi timeforanewlife
I absolutely agree that addiction is not a moral failing - it's an illness.
We can waste a lot of energy beating ourselves up for what happened in the past - IMO you're better to use that energy to positive ends - focus on getting recovered and staying that way
You'll find a lot of support here - and in those other two forums least linked to.
I encourage you to continue working closely with your Dr and, like others have said here, maybe think about some other face to face support too.
We do the work, sure, but I'm a firm believer that we can't have enough support - whether it be NA, or some other recovery group like SMART, or couselling, or whatever.
Welcome to SR
D
I absolutely agree that addiction is not a moral failing - it's an illness.
We can waste a lot of energy beating ourselves up for what happened in the past - IMO you're better to use that energy to positive ends - focus on getting recovered and staying that way
You'll find a lot of support here - and in those other two forums least linked to.
I encourage you to continue working closely with your Dr and, like others have said here, maybe think about some other face to face support too.
We do the work, sure, but I'm a firm believer that we can't have enough support - whether it be NA, or some other recovery group like SMART, or couselling, or whatever.
Welcome to SR
D
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