Vanilla28

hi everyone.
i wrote a while back about how i threw away my 43 days i had and that i was all geared up to get back on the wagon.
even though i keep telling myself 'remember how great it was, and proud you were when you werent drinking!'
im finding it really hard to string together 5 days in a row.

I know again im just going to have to bear down and do it and not cave when im feeling the urge, but for some reason this second time around is seeming even harder than it was before. did anyone else feel that way too?

thanks again for all the support. i really appreciate it...especially since even though i have really supportive friends and family, they just dont get it. ya know?

Thanks. Nilla

julez

Hi Vanilla,
Is there anything you are doing differently this time? Were you more motivated the last time by something that had happened?
I have very supportive friends and family too. I'm so grateful for them. However, I've never felt so understood and as accepted as i have been for the last 6 days. Thats how long I have been a part of AA.
Check it out.

artsoul

I can relate, Vanilla - this is my third time getting sober and it was definitely harder. At the same time, I do feel I appreciate it more and am more determined to stick with it.

I'm glad you're here getting support - that's what made the difference for me. I doubt I could stay sober without coming here every day.

I had to learn to ignore those obsessive voices that just wanted to keep drinking. With time, they seem to give up and go away. You can have that freedom too - welcome back!

LaFemme

Hi Nilla! Maybe you need to change your approach. What are you doing in addition to not drinking. What can you do in addition to that. Do you know what your triggers are?

Just some things to think about!

Xo, LaFemme

kdr143

Relapse is part of recovery rarely does someone get it "right" the first time
some of the best sobrieties come from relapsing. We can take a good hard look
on what we were or weren't doing and what still needs to be done.
I have relapsed quite a few times..........and I have 73 days today.
please remember recovery is a process not a journey............there is no end point
of where we stop trying
prayer meditation and self examination is key
also you might want to consider a sponsor and work the steps

HumbleBee

Hey Vanilla!

I got this from my LADC (alcohol counselor; I highly recommend seeing one for treatment and support; mine saved my life).

It explains some of what's going on and how to beat relapses to the punch:

Alcohol is powerfully addictive and your body had to make some physical changes to keep you from being poisoned. Your body's chemistry, especially that of your liver, had to change to keep you alive while you were drinking.

However, once your body chemistry changed to accommodate the presence of alcohol, it cannot be un-changed. This is why you are experiencing physical cravings for alcohol; your body wants it back!

These cravings are most intense in the first six months of abstinence from alcohol. Thus, this is when most relapses occur. Here's how you can beat alcohol cravings today, right now:

Cravings occur on a Bell curve: they start out mild, grow in intensity until they peak, and then gradually they return to the "baseline" of no cravings.

When you feel a craving begin, now you know what's going to happen - you're ahead of the game right there! As your craving peaks in about 30 minutes, do something else. Anything; exercise, go to your recovery group's web site and talk through your craving, call a friend, read your email, go to a movie, read a book, watch TV, just get your mind onto something else.

The craving will begin to recede slowly, and soon it will be gone altogether. This process takes about an hour. Keep telling yourself "I won't give in. This is going to pass." And it will! Your self-confidence will be raised significantly as you enjoy this success.

The psychological aspect behind cravings: It is the habit and routine that you built around alcohol use that is causing the craving. The obvious solution to this type of craving is to make a new routine that does not involve drinking.

The fancy psychological term for this process is that first you must use "pattern interruption," which simply means that you stop drinking.

However, you must have another behavior to do instead of drinking; this is called "pattern development."

You can't just leave a big hole in your life without filling it with something else; this is a sure-fire relapse trigger."

I hope this helps.

VeeTee

Hi Vanilla,
What can you add to your sobriety that you didn't do last time? A.A, a counsellor? During the next craving, check for the H.A.L.T symptoms (hungry, angry, lonely, tired)? and post here before you take that drink!
We're here for you.

vee

Thanks HumbleBee - that's a very useful post!

least

I don't really think that relapse is a part of recovery... I think it's part of our illness. That being said, I relapsed over and over and over, for the better part of two years before I finally "got it" and stopped trying to drink normally.

Try something different this time, whether it be AA or another program, or addiction counseling - just do something different. And Hbee is dead on correct about the cravings. Do'nt give in to them, stay occupied, and they will pass.

Vanilla28

hey guys, thank you so much for all your replys.
this time there are alot of things that are the same, but alot of things that are different.
the first time when i started coming here is i went to dextox which was a pretty big wake up call and i came clean with EVERYONE, family, friends etc...im a reclusive drunk, meaning i dont go out, i prefer to stay home by myself than be around people.

after drinking again ive fallen quickly back into my ways, what im missing this time is that same kind of 'shock' value. (i dont know if im articulating this right, its hard to explain what you are actually feeling. which im sure you all know)

just talk to someone on the aa hotline for 45 minutes and found some local meetings. that is what im doing different this time. im going to go to meetings.

ive heard it refered to before as the 'silver lining' when you first quit...i got a 'high' off of my recovery and every day i put together gave me an even bigger one, cuz i was actually starting to live life again, and dream again without it being alcohol induced.

im rambling, im sorry. just have lots of things running though my mind right now.

thanks again! nilla.

ill let you know how it goes.

ps. every night i promise myself im going to go tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, and never do, this time even when i start to feel like nawh i dont have to go, im going to force myself to go anyways. i need that connection.

Dee74

I hope you follow through Vanilla - best wishes to you

D

Anna

Hi Vanilla,

I believe that each relapse makes it harder and harder to start over again. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it does get worse.

I'm glad you are back and trying again. You can do this!

VeeTee

Vanilla - wishing you strength to learn from this experience and start again with some support from AA.
vee