60 days just failed
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 316
Daphne, you didn't fail! You still want to stay sober. That's something. You accomplished a lot in those 60 days and you'll get that back and so much more. I just joined here too after reading posts for a long time. Glad to have you!
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Daphne, wonderful job on the 60 days. I'm sorry you took a little slip. Hon, you have identified the trigger for you. You can't change your step daughter, so you have to change the way you react to her. My daughter, that I live with EVERY DAY, is my BIGGEST trigger. And man, is she tough to handle. But I started working on myself, my own inner peace, and my own spirituality. I want to live my life a different way, as you obviously do too. Take some time out for yourself. Find a distraction from her. Do some spiritual reading. Its very hard, I know. Its helped me so much this time around. This time I have 17 days, and these 17 days have been much more calm, and a lot less anxious than my last go of it. Take a breath, and know that no amount of hand washing etc is worth your sobriety!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Daphne and welcome to the posting side of SR! 60 days is wonderful but counting days isn't what its all about in my opinion. Its about your mindset and getting healthy...not just physically but mentally as well.
One of my dearest friends has a son who is diagnosed with Aspergers so I have a little insight. This is her son and the stress of dealing with it has been huge. She and her husband get therapy in order to deal so that they don't end up divorced which is the statistical normal result in families with Asperger children. So your having stress in dealing with an Asperger step child is normal. And you and your husband should probably talk about some counseling for both of you for how you are dealing with this.
You can do this...remember how brilliant it is to say "I don't drink":-)
One of my dearest friends has a son who is diagnosed with Aspergers so I have a little insight. This is her son and the stress of dealing with it has been huge. She and her husband get therapy in order to deal so that they don't end up divorced which is the statistical normal result in families with Asperger children. So your having stress in dealing with an Asperger step child is normal. And you and your husband should probably talk about some counseling for both of you for how you are dealing with this.
You can do this...remember how brilliant it is to say "I don't drink":-)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Italy
Posts: 287
Hi Daphne
It's not correct for you to think 60 days just failed.
On the contrary, 60 days just succeded and only yesterday failed
I am only on day 7, so what do I know, except that of the last 61 days, you did a whole lot better than I did.
Yes, you have to start counting again from today, but don't write off the whole of the last 2 months as failed cos it didn't, in the main you succeded. Well done!
It's not correct for you to think 60 days just failed.
On the contrary, 60 days just succeded and only yesterday failed
I am only on day 7, so what do I know, except that of the last 61 days, you did a whole lot better than I did.
Yes, you have to start counting again from today, but don't write off the whole of the last 2 months as failed cos it didn't, in the main you succeded. Well done!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Dee74 
It most likely will if you resign yourself to it, Daphne.
I remember making the resolution that I'd have to quite forever........that I simply could not ever drink again. It was obvious that this "I'll quit for now" plan wasn't working.
But then the fear hit me - "How do I quit FOR EVER?" It seemed too big.....to long.....an impossibility. I mean.......for EVER......like NEVER EVER?
Thankfully I found a solution. Mostly because the enormity of "forever" freaked me out.....I finally took down some of my walls of ego and defiance and figured I BETTER find something that'll work forever. I found a bunch of folks who'd been sober and happy about it for many many years....Some had done 1 or 2, some were 6 or 8 and some had done 15, 20, 30, and more YEARS sober and happy. It sure seemed like whatever they were doing was working for them.......so I started trying to do what they were doing.
U can too Daphne. There's no "requirement" to do the 30-and-out o 60-and-out. Maybe, like it was for me, this is just a sign to change up what you're doing and how you're working your recovery.
I've been told.....and I believe........that if recovery isn't as fun and as enjoyable as NOT being in recovery was, that my time IN recovery would be limited. Thankfully, by following direction and trying to stay teachable, I've found sobriety........recovery.....to be way more fun. And when that's the case, there's no such thing as a trigger to go back to that old lifestyle anymore than there is a trigger to want to get punched in the nose.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
The big thing to learn, which took me ages, is that you didnt want to drink but drank anyway...does that sound like you made a sane, rational choice?
It took me ages to accept that i needed help and to go out and find somewhere to get it and ask for it!
In my attempts to get sober alone i would do the same, 60, 90, 120 and even 300 days once! But at some point i would see it as something would happen to me i didnt like and i would start having these feelings and emotions i didnt like and i would just have one or two drinks...usually within a few months i was back drinking worse than ever...
If i could have kept myself in my own little regimented world away from life and its many "problems" i could probably have lasted years by myself not drinking but always at some point i would think hang on this isnt living and i was right...unfortunately at this point i would usually choose booze and not the small effort of getting help and changing myself!
It took me ages to accept that i needed help and to go out and find somewhere to get it and ask for it!
In my attempts to get sober alone i would do the same, 60, 90, 120 and even 300 days once! But at some point i would see it as something would happen to me i didnt like and i would start having these feelings and emotions i didnt like and i would just have one or two drinks...usually within a few months i was back drinking worse than ever...
If i could have kept myself in my own little regimented world away from life and its many "problems" i could probably have lasted years by myself not drinking but always at some point i would think hang on this isnt living and i was right...unfortunately at this point i would usually choose booze and not the small effort of getting help and changing myself!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: London England
Posts: 10
Sorry its been a few days. After my slip after 50 days, was fine went on for 14 days, and 7 days. Feel very down, as i just think i am an alcoholic, and there is now answer. I have lovely home, family, job, husband, children, everything people would love. I think it is a disease.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
There is an answer, Daphne 
Look around - you have a board full of people who are in recovery - and happy.
What have you been doing so far as your programme?
what can you add to that?
do you have any face to face support?
D
Look around - you have a board full of people who are in recovery - and happy.
What have you been doing so far as your programme?
what can you add to that?
do you have any face to face support?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: London England
Posts: 10
hi Dee, I love your positive notes but i just cant cope with my situation. In UK we dont docounselling. Today, my aspergic step daughter has brought the ceiling down cos she showers for 1 hour, and does some kind of OCD thing with the toilet (2 toilet rolls gone). My husband says she needs to be supported so what do i do? No one gives a dam about me. My parents left me when i was 10 and i really cant cope.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Daphne,
You are an alcoholic you say. Good! Now you can read and read on here, and figure out your program.
A couple of points from my experience.
I took from Dec-March to get "IT" first. Sailed away, got complacent, no cravings, stopped going to AA meetings and boom! 2yrs and 2 months later, had a stressful time and drank.
Continued for one yr and 6 months to try and get back off it. Days here and there. Did 53 days and someone gave me a lovely bottle of wine. Weakly protested, but the moment I took it, I had decided to drink. Moved back to Ireland from New York and switched to spirits. Drank my head off in my parent's house. They never commented. I moved to my new gorgeous house. No drinking there right? Wrong, got a lovely bottle........
Went to AA. Took from Aug- Oct to "get" it.
This is what I learned. Avoid people, places, things that trigger me. Hard as these often include family/friends and their houses. favorite restaurants, bars etc.
Do not count days. You set yourself up for the "reward factor".
Keep it to "I will not drink today".
Do try very hard to resist the urge. I found that I was not really trying very hard. I would struggle for a while and then just go buy some drink.
Do not get Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Simple but true! Treat yourself to nice food. Eat sweets! Chocolate! Anything that you like. It replaces the sugar from the alcohol.
Do not worry about not sleeping. You will settle down eventually. Unless you are in charge of a shuttle mission, you should do ok.
The last and most crucial!!!!!!!!! You know when the little conversation of "will I? won't I? starts? Well, shut it DOWN!!!!!!!!
No, I cannot have this conversation! If someone wanted to have a serious conversation about planning a murder of someone you love, would you do that? It is preposterous! Not an option! This was stunningly effective. I have at this moment only very fleeting urges to drink and feel great. I do think there was a little "divine intervention" which I welcomed and am grateful for. I prayed like I never prayed and just called on all my passed relatives to help me!!!
Remember, it is also a selfish process, so you will have to be firm with the people in your life. I am quite certain, no non-alcoholic understands this. My sister, for example, assured me that she understands! as she says it is the same with her and crisps!(chips) She cannot have them in the house! Even the smell of them is a "trigger"! Thanks, sis love you too.
Good luck and stop beating yourself up already!
xoxo
You are an alcoholic you say. Good! Now you can read and read on here, and figure out your program.
A couple of points from my experience.
I took from Dec-March to get "IT" first. Sailed away, got complacent, no cravings, stopped going to AA meetings and boom! 2yrs and 2 months later, had a stressful time and drank.
Continued for one yr and 6 months to try and get back off it. Days here and there. Did 53 days and someone gave me a lovely bottle of wine. Weakly protested, but the moment I took it, I had decided to drink. Moved back to Ireland from New York and switched to spirits. Drank my head off in my parent's house. They never commented. I moved to my new gorgeous house. No drinking there right? Wrong, got a lovely bottle........
Went to AA. Took from Aug- Oct to "get" it.
This is what I learned. Avoid people, places, things that trigger me. Hard as these often include family/friends and their houses. favorite restaurants, bars etc.
Do not count days. You set yourself up for the "reward factor".
Keep it to "I will not drink today".
Do try very hard to resist the urge. I found that I was not really trying very hard. I would struggle for a while and then just go buy some drink.
Do not get Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Simple but true! Treat yourself to nice food. Eat sweets! Chocolate! Anything that you like. It replaces the sugar from the alcohol.
Do not worry about not sleeping. You will settle down eventually. Unless you are in charge of a shuttle mission, you should do ok.
The last and most crucial!!!!!!!!! You know when the little conversation of "will I? won't I? starts? Well, shut it DOWN!!!!!!!!
No, I cannot have this conversation! If someone wanted to have a serious conversation about planning a murder of someone you love, would you do that? It is preposterous! Not an option! This was stunningly effective. I have at this moment only very fleeting urges to drink and feel great. I do think there was a little "divine intervention" which I welcomed and am grateful for. I prayed like I never prayed and just called on all my passed relatives to help me!!!
Remember, it is also a selfish process, so you will have to be firm with the people in your life. I am quite certain, no non-alcoholic understands this. My sister, for example, assured me that she understands! as she says it is the same with her and crisps!(chips) She cannot have them in the house! Even the smell of them is a "trigger"! Thanks, sis love you too.
Good luck and stop beating yourself up already!
xoxo
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
In UK we dont docounselling.
If you mean 'you' don't do counselling, thats your personal choice, but I think you need to accept that you need to do something, and get some help from somewhere cos things are pretty untenable right now, yeah?
Drinking is not helping you, and I doubt it's helping the situation with your step daughter.
D
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