A Problem with Sobriety
 

Been sober for seven days. I now see that one reason I drank was to get away from someone close to me who is a control freak. Drinking has been my escape when I couldn't leave town on business trips. I now have lost an effective tool to help me feel a sense of independence. Sobriety is making me face the reality of this relationship.

You'll probably see new "reasons" that had existed every week or two as you go on. It's amazing how the effective tool simulated some good things. A bad medication though.

Way I see it Pas is that sobriety was an awakening for me. My eyes opened to everything. I began drinking to tolerate and cope and one of the main problems was a verbally/abusive marriage. So I kept drinking and blocking it all out but guess what? The problem didn't go away and I became completely unproductive. In those years I became a raging alcoholic living by the bottle sadly.

I am glad the blinders are off and you can see clearly now. Sobriety is about change. No more self destructing behind a bottle.

Keep sharing. Its a positive beginning for you my friend.

I relate....very early sobriety was tough for me because I had to face a lot of things I hadn't faced in a decade.....which, being 27 years old, meant I had to face everything. That is a good thing and a bad thing. I know for me it was overwhelming.

Day by day in sobriety, those feelings got easier to deal with and....even more importantly....life started getting better because making good decisions comes a lot more naturally when we are clear-headed and sober!

I agree with everyone else here - early sobriety opened my eyes on a whole lot of things too...they were mostly things I needed to deal with, but hadn't wanted to.

D

Yep,
I miss the false feeling of confidence, and assuredness it gave me too. It took sobriety to make me realize that I had let so many things, projects, relationship issues, and just plain personal introspection lapse for so long. Sober it becomes clear that I simply lost my edge for a lot of years. Now I have to stop coasting and get back out and actually get things done. For a decade or so I coasted on my past and didn't take care of every day. Facing up to the fact that I am not the man I was, can be a real downer. Facing up to me and reality has rocked me back on my heels almost daily. I am learning to be patient with myself and my longer term withdrawal symptoms and nervous energy. It isn't easy, it can be fear filled occasionally, but that is what it takes. Just because it is worth the end results in the long term, doesn't make the shorter term any easier. Some days it is one step forward and two back, and more and more it is two forward and one back.

I agree with everything that's been said here. I felt the same, scared to death of having to face everything and recover!!;) But after a while it starts to feel natural to feel good, not just every once in a while, but often.:) And I'm a better person for facing this crap and taking action.:)

Thanks for the Insights
 

I didn't realize that my relationship was that bad. I could deal with it by work and drinking. Now I see that I have been hiding from a major problem. I wonder if my lady friend likes me better when I drink (she didn't know I was drinking but she may have liked the effect of a placated partner). Now I find myself confronting issues I use to run away from.

Keep in mind too Pas - you're in a state of flux right now.
I found nearly everything and everyone was annoying in my early days.

I think it's best to wait until your emotions settle before acting on any issues.

I think 90 days is a pretty good yardstick for 'normal' - I can look back to that 90 days guy and recognise myself - but I was a very different man at day 90 than I was on day 9, y'know?

take it easy :)
D

Maybe I am the Problem
 

Yea, it dawned on me that maybe I am irritable because of sobriety. I don't want to be like the dumb general who fights two wars at once. Good advice.

Pascal:
From what I understand the minimum time it will take for your brain chemistry (as opposed to your physiology) to return to a balanced state (which might resemble the real you) is 90 days so that might represent a worthy sobriety goal at the outset.
Before then I'd be very careful not to rush to judgement, let alone confrontation, with anyone.
For what it's worth that's my strategy, 7 days in...
You might also want to think about cause and effect...in particular what effects has alcohol been causing rather than being the effect of.
just 10c from a newbe.

wow - what a thougt
 

90 days? That is a good goal to shoot for. I hope I like me three months from now. :)

Tell you what - let's compare notes in 90 days...we are both at the start line and, (from my distant perspective) for what it's worth, are dealing with some of the same issues. Deal?

newcomer
 

I have been sober for almost a month. I have had severe depression and anxiety for the past 3 years following financial ruin and a bad relationship. The psych meds weren't working, I was desperate. What I wasn't telling the docs is that I was drinking in the evening to get some relief from the anxiety. I finally fessed up and they suggested I go into an outpatient chemical dependence program which I am in now. Here 4 weeks later of not drinking, my depression in nill and my anxiety manageable. It's telling me how wonderful it is to be clean, finally letting your tired brain begin to heal. I am feeling so different. All I can say is hang in there, it's a good thing.

Your On!
 

ScottArt - wow what a testimony and encouragement. MMN - its on - lets see if we can make it. Thanks

Welcome to SR scottart :)

D

Pascal: In the meantime I'd suggest you read a book by Caroline Knapp called "Drinking: A Love Story". Its an excellent (and very well written) autobiographical account of the fall and rise of a high functioning alcoholic. Although it's written from a woman's perspective it captured my experience perfectly.

Its a harsh reality. I am right there with you, still trying to find my way at almost 6 months sober. But I am focused on me, and making changes. He can change and move forward with me, or I can leave. Time will tell what we do.

I will not drink, however. I will not let him have that control over me.

Power of Relationships
 

Day 9 today and with each new day I am seeing my triggers. MMN thanks - I will order Caroline Knapp's book on Amazon today. I am with you Aehmnm = people can only have power over us if we first give it. Alcohol was a convenient, effective escape for me. Thanks you guys.

I loved 'Drinking: A Love Story'. I can't express how much that book helped me to know that there was hope for me. It's one of the most painfully honest books I have ever read.

Pascal, I had been hiding from my issues and problems with drinking too. And, I didn't realize the extent of it, until I stopped drinking. My advice is to listen to your soul and follow its path. I had gotten so off-track in my life and drinking had made everything so much worse. But, with quiet listening and focusing on recovery, I was able to begin to heal. You will get through the emotions that you are feeling now.